Out of His Dilemma.

Otago Witness, Issue 953, 25 April 1889, Page 38

Out of His Dilemma.

An unkind story is told of a young lady who married a stuttering man. The young man was undoubtedly a stutterer of the most positive order, for we have heard him go through paroxysms to get out a simple' " gbdd-morning ! " The lady whom he subsequently married was of an eminently ''practical turn of mind. No maiSen modesty or bashfulness cloyed her methods. She spoke to the point, and never left a thought unexpressed if she deemed it' jpertinent. After he had called upon her .•some three or four times she decided that it <was about 'time for her to know bis intensions. So the next time he called, after they •had seated themselves as usual on the sofa, •she said quietly but firmly : " l(Ir Smith, I am very much flattered by the interest you have taken in me, and the flowers you have just given me are very •pretty, but I feel that I should not be doing my duty if I delayed any longer asking you what your intentions are ; whither do these attentions and presents lead ? " Young Mr Smith rose to his feet and a blush rose to his cheek. He essayed to speak. For a moment his lips and tongue seemed paralysed. Then he managed to get out :

"M-M-M-M-y d-d-d-d.d-"

The " d " might have stood for any number of words, but Miss Smith, justifiably perhaps, interpreted it to stand for darling, and the youth's acute embarrassment to a modestconfusion in making a formal proposal. Any way, she took Mr Smith by the hand, and looking into his eyes, exclaimed : "Mr Smith, I appreciate your embarrassment, but I understand what you wish to say. You may speak to papa, and if he approves, so do I." They were married a few months later, but Mr Smith has never explained satisfactorily to his friends whether he stuttered into matrimony of his own free will or against it.

Headings fob Shakespeaeb.— The volubility of the penny-a-liner is well known to all connceoted with the newspaper profession. Had " Hamlet " been despatched as a press telegram by the modern liner, the message would have been headed something like this, in large letters — " Appalling Tragedy in Denmark ; King Murdered by his [Brother ; Young Court Lady Goes Mad and Drowns Herself ; Four Koyal Personages Slaughtered 1 " "The Merchant of Venice," instead of appearing under chat modest and commonplace tit.lo ivould have been heralded by the liner as " Exuaurdinary Venetial Trial: a Jew Money Lender Claims a Pound of Human Flesh!"

In like manner "Romeo and Juliet" would have become — " Deplorable and Pathetic Tragedy in High Life : Two Lovers Commit Suicide ! " ox something of that s«t, Xhess

''example^ Indicate how Shakespeare's terse titlfes would have shot out if handled by the liner.

Men I Have Met And Don't Wjint to Meet Again.— The bumptious man, who thinks you a fool, and takes - no pains to conceal his opinion. The horsey mau, who has. always got a screw he wants to sell you. The thickheaded man, who never can see the point of your stories ; such capital stories as they are, too 1 ' - The odiously-familiar man, who slapa you , on the back and pokes you playfully in the. ribs. The selfish man, who will talk of himself, and not of you. The exasperating man> Who trumps your best card, and Bmiles blahdiy when you remonstrate. The impertinently-frank man v who tells you you are getting stout, and . awfully bald a-top, old chappie."— Judy.