Turning the' Seat.

Otago Witness, Issue 1640, 28 April 1883, Page 28

Turning the' Seat.

*' My dear," said Mrs Spoopendyke, twisting ; -uround restlessly in her seat ; "my dear, I'm 6wfull.v£crowded here, and I don't believe any- ' one is going to occupy that seat in front. Can't you turn it over ?" ' "Certainly," responded Mr Spoopendyke, cheerfully dropping his book and springing to his feet. " Why didn't you speak before ?" Mr Spoopendyke grasped the back of the ■eat in front of him and tugged lustily. " What's the matter with it ?" inquired Mrs Spoopendyke. " Why don't it turn?" "Froze down, I guess," retorted Mr Spoopendyke, wrenching it from side to side with vicious jerks. "Come over, will ye?" he added, apostrophising the obstinate knock. 1 " Won't, won't ye ?" he roared, getting a good rrip underneath and lifting, until his oyes " bulged out of his head. "Impressed with some sort of a notion that this is an ordinary man * working at ye, ain't ye? Well, my name is Spoopendyke !" and he let go for a fresh hold ' and went at it again with redoubled vigour. • 'Never mind, dear," pleadtd Mrs Spoopendyke, embarrassed by the tittering of the 'passengers ; *' I d*n't believe you know how to turn it, and I'm not very much crowded." . " Don't believe I know how to turn it, eh !" veiled Mr Spoopendyke, enraged at the stubborn seat and noivis-e flattered by his wife's ■ criticisms. "Don't think I understand how 'theße things are manipulated ?" and ho brought • the seat a fearful whack with his fi»t, and then

wrenched at it again, as though he were a steam derrick. •" P'raps you can educate me about this seat'! Maybe you are in the confidence of this car, and can tell me ho.w the measly thing works ! Tell me, why don't ye 1 Why don't ye tell me? With all your'infor mation about railroads, you only need an airbrake and an antagonistic gubernatorial convention to be an infernal blind pool \ Let go and come over !" he shiieked, applying himself once more to his enemy. " Hearken unto the remonstrances of Spoopendyke ! Give way' before superior intelligence and yield to — " Just here the lock broke, and the back flew over, carrying Mr Spoopendyke with it, and landing him in the big hat of a young lady in front, with a smash like a custard pie against a blank wall.

" Got room enough now," he squealed, as he gathered himself up and returned to his wife. *' Like to have me burst out the end of this car so you can stretch yourself a little? If you only had a little more space and another leg to stand on, you'd only want a skylight in the roof, a bald head, and a pair of specs to be an astronomical telescope ! Another time you go travelling we'll schedule you to arrive in sections, and some time I'm going to put a hinge in your hips so you'll turn a curve without bending the track straight ! You hear? Where's my book ? Give me the book I was

reading !" - " Here it is, dear," fluttered Mrs Spoopendyke, drawing it out from under his coat collar ; 1 and Mr Spoopendyke plunged into his copy of " The Eagle," which he was careful to hold so as to shield his eyes from ' the fiery glances of the young lady with the mashed hat, while Mrs Spoopendyke smiled serenely out the window, and wondered if that girl would ever ask Mr' Spoopendyke to turn over a seat for her, the minx !" — Brooklyn Eagle.