Two-and-a-Half-Dollar Christians.

Otago Witness, Issue 1559, 24 September 1881, Page 27

Two-and-a-Half-Dollar Christians.

There are a good many people in theiij religion that remind me of ' Uncle Phil,' a pious old darkey of the old times in Texas.; Well, Phil was a fervant Christian with a! great gift of prayer. He attended all the Saturday night prayer meetings on the neighbouring -plantations, and could pray louder and longer than any of the brethren.! But Phil had one weakness— he dearly lovedj money, and different from the negro, generally, he loved to hoard It/ Near by vs 1 lived a man who, not troubled by any scruples, would pay Phil a dollar to wort in his fields on Sundays. One Sunday night as Phil came home after dark I accosted him with: , '• Where have you been, Phil ? ' I * Oh, just knocking about, massa,' i ' You have been working for Miller.' ' Well,' you ace, massa, the old fellow is in needs, and he just showed me a silver dollar,; and I jest couldn't staud it ' ; • Ain't you afraid the devil will get you,j for breaking the sabbath ?l i

Phil scratched his head a minutes, and' aald :- ! ' I guess the Lord '11 'scuse me, massa.' 'No. He says, Kemember the Sabbath! day to keep it holy.' ' Phil went off looking pretty sober, and It waß not long before I heard his voice in fervent prayer back of the barn, and so I thought I would slip down near enough to hear.

' Oh, Lord !' I heard him say, I have this day ripped and teared, cussed and sweared ab them confounded oxen of Miller's, and jest broke the Sabbath day. Ob, Lord, please forgive me ; please forgive me, for you knows Fs nothing but a miserable heathen, anyhow.; If you'll jest forgive me thiß time, I'll never ne It agin aB long as I live, 'cepting he givea me two dollars and a- half a day.'

At this point I was obliged to beat a hasty retreat, but I am thinking that Poor Uncle Phil Isn't the only $2 500 Christian in the world. — Louisville Christian Observer.

Two Hearts That Beat as One.

One was a traveller for a New Yerk house and the other was a Detroit business man; As they came up on the car from the Central depot they wore talking about some elopement case, and a fox-eyed old man on the rear platform with a thin satchel at his feet did his best to catch evory word, and seemed considerably excited. When the business man got off at Grlswold street the old man followed him, and slapped him on the Bhoulder and said :

' My friend, I would like to speak to you in private. Ploase enter this stairway.' Amazed and astonished, the citizen oom. piled, and when they were out of ear-shot of the street the stranger began : ' Are you a married man ? '

'lam.'

'Soam I. I see we agree perfeofcly as to the blessings of matrimony. You believe your wife devoted to you ? ' •Of course'

' And I believe the same. Our souls seem to be in sympathy thus far. Now, then, if a man should come to you, and ask if you had any suspiolone of your wife's fidelity, what would you do?'

' I d knook him down ! '

'So would I, and then step on him to boot, Did you ever see two souls blend together as ours So ? Perhaps we were bom in the same house. But to continue : Have you perfect confidence in your wife ? ' 'Yes, sir.'

'So r have I in mine. Lands alive! but here 1b a veritable case of two hearts that beat as one ! Isn't it astounding ? ' ' Who are you, sir ? ' sharply inquired the citizen.

( Tomkins, and if that should also be your name, I'd be done for.'

' But it isn't my name ; and now I want to know what yon mean by all this talk. Why did you follow me and ask tnose questions ? '

' Prompted by sudden impulse,' was the cool reply. Did you have one; iioo ? ' \° 1 I'll prompt you with my boot, you old skulk ! ' shouted the indignant citizen, as he pr eared for action.

• Just exactly as I'd serve you under "the circumstances 1 I tell 'you there's 'a tie between us some '

Three stout kicks, must have snapped It, for after they were delivered the old man went around the corner at a gallop, and the citizen kept straight up the street. — Detroit ■Free Press.

Pulpit Difficulties.

* Thirdly,' BaidPaley, in giving his reasons from Dalston to Sfcanwix, ' I begin to find my stock of sermons coming over again too fast.' Mr Spurgeon, at a conference at hia Pastor's College, has been taking his friends, »nd through: them the rest of üb, into hia confidence on the subjeot of his diffioultlea with regard to praise, prayer, and preaching; As to the last, he had nothing more to say than is familiar. 'He often walked up Mid down, anxious to find something to say to the people on a Sunday. He Would sometimes get the outline of a sermon in his mind, with a good text, and after saping to himself, 'that will do,' he would find in his well, marked Bible, how it had been preached before, while what he had thought out closely resembled the printed oopy. Time had been when at 10 o'clock on Saturday evening, or even on Sunday morning he had found himself without a text; but sometimes, when thus driven in a corner, with nothing to say, he did best.' What a contrast to the practice of Sir Roger de Ooverley's chaplain, Or the frankness with which the author of the 'Horse Pauline '- informs us that he changed his quarters beoauso the change added LSO a year to his income, saved him doublei housekeeping, and enabled him to dispense Vith the task of writing fresh sermons. To be sure, Mr Spurgeon does not; write books like Paley's, nor are his sermons so full of sober thought. But many a preacher will feel for him. There wm a clergyman who, on being complained of to his Bishop for delivering the same (sermon over' And over again, declared" that he Intended to go on preaching it until f his congregation had appropriated all theteachiriga it contained. In some' not wholly similar resources beyond the reach of a humoriflillka the Pontiff of the Surrey Tabernaole?— Spectator. , The other night a policeman, observed a man hanging around the entrance to a Michigan avenue hall in a queer sort of way, and he asked him if hebalonged to the* order then in session up stairs. The man .replied that he did, and the officer enquired : , ' Then why don's you go, up ? ' - - ♦Well, I was thinking of it.' , /' ;: 'Haven't been expelled, have you?' •Oh, no.' V ' \ ' Aren't afraid of anybody ? ' ' ' 'No.' „' " t ¥ ' And you haven't lost your interest 7 ' '\ 1 1 might is well tell, you," said the man after beating around a while longer. ' I went down to Toledo a few days ago, and somehow the story came back here that I was drowned. My lodge thereupon passed resolutions .to the effect that I was honent, upright, and liberal, and a shining ornament, and that what was its loss was my gain. I .wasn't drowned, au you see, but I kind o' hate to walk in on 'em and bust those resolutions. I've tried it three times, and I oant get higher up than the fifth stair before I wsaken. , '•'