Editor's Wallet.

Otago Witness, Issue 1559, 24 September 1881, Page 27

Editor's Wallet.

Theodore Hook's Joke. A RXTSB TOR A DINNER — HOW HOOK WON j HIS BET. ' i

The following characteristic anecdote of Theodore Hook is given In Barham'a life of chat extraordinary man. Of the hoax bo commonly told and so generally believed as taking place at the Spanish Ambassador's, at Woolwloh, on the banks of the Thames, Mr Barham has given a truer and more authentic account. One of the streets near Soho Square, either Dean street or Frith street, was the real scene of action. Hook was lounging upon one of these Btreets in company with Terry, the actor, when they saw through the kitchen window preparations for a handsome dinner. '

< What a feast 1' Baid Terry. * Jolly dogs ! I should like to make one of them.'

1 snouia use zo mate one oi cnem. 1 I'll take any bet,' returned Hook, ' that I do. Call for me here at ten o'clock, and you'll [find that I shall be able to give a tolerable account of the worthy gentleman's champagne and venison.' So saying, he marched up the steps, gave an authoritative rap with the burnished knooker, and was quickly lost to the sight of his astonished companion. As a matter of oourse, he was immediately ushered by the servant, as an unexpected guest, into the drawing-room, where a large party had already assembled, The appwtment being well nigh full, no notice was at first taken of his intrusion, and half a dozen people were laughing at his bon mots before the host discovered his mistake. Affecting not W observe the visible embarrassment of the latter, and ingeniously avoiding any oppor-j tunity for explanation, Hook rattled till he had attracted the greater part of the company in a circle near him, and some consi-, derablo time elapsed ere tho old gentleman was able to catch the attention of the agree-; able stranger. ' , ' I beg your pardon, Bir,' he said, con-i triving ,at last to get in a werd j 'but your name, sir — I did not quite oatoh it— servants are so abominably incorrect, and I am really a little at a loss ' 'Don't apologise, I beg,' graoiously replied Theodore. ' Smith — my name is Smith! — and, as you justly observe, servants are' always making some stupid blunder or another. I remember a remarkable instance," etc. • But really, my dear sir,' continued the' host at the termination of the story Illustrative of stupidity in servants, ' I think the' mistake on the present occasion does not; originate in the source you allude to: I certainly did not expect the pleasure of Mr Smith's company at dinner to-day.' ; 'No, I dare say not; you said four hr your note, I know, and It is now, I Bee, a quarter past five— you are a little faat, by, the way— but the fact is I have been detained in the city, and I was about to explain when ' !

' Pray,' exclaimed the other, as soon as he. could stay the volubility of his guest, ' whom [ may I ask, do you suppose you are address-. ling?' ; ' Whom ? Why, Mr Thompson, of course > — old friend of my father ; I have not the* pleasure, indeed, of being personally known ' to you, but having received your kind invitation on my arrival from Liverpool — Fifth, street,- four o'clock, family party — come in, boots— you see I have taken you at your word, and I am only afraid that I have kept you waiting.' ' No, no, not at all. But permit me to' observe, my dear sir, my name is not exactly Thompson— it is Jones, and — ' ' Jones !' repeated the soi clisant Smith, in admirably assumed consternation. ' Jones ! Why, surely I cannot have, yes I mustgood graoious I see it all. My dear sir, what an unfortunate blunder ! Wrong j house J What must you think of such an' intrusion ? ' I am really at a loss for words ■ to apologise. You will permit me to retire at present, and to-morrow — ' ' Pray don't think of retiring,' exclaimed the hospitable old gentleman ; your friend's table must have been cleared long ago, if, as you say, four o'clock was the hour named, and I am only too happy to be able to offer you a beat at mine.' Hook, of course, could not think of any such thing — could not think of trespassing upon the kindness of a perfect stranger ; if too late for Thompson's there were plenty of chop-houses at hand. The moßt unfortunate part of the business was, he had made an ■appointment with a gentleman to call for him j at ' ten o'clock. The good natured Jones, however, positively refused to allow so en- j terfcaining a visitor to withdraw dinnerless. Mrs Jones joined in the solicitation; tho Misses Joneß smiled bewitchingly ; and at last Mr Smith, who soon recovered from hia confusion, was prevailed upon to offer h\a arm to one of the ladies, and take his place at the well-furnlahed board. j

In all probability the family of Jones never passed suoh an evening before. Hook naturally exerted himself to the utmost to keep the party in an unceasing roar of laughter, and made good the first Impression. The mirth grew fast and furious, when, by way of a coup de grace, he seated himself aj (he piaaplorte and aijrHCk off

' I have heard a great deal about "hoodlums," but have never seen one,' said the Duke of Sutherland during his visit here to the polite clerk at the Palaoe Hotel, San Francisco, ' ' could you send one up to my rooms for inspection ?' . Mr Smith, who is the soul of politeness, at once despatched one of his sable myrmidons in search of the article in question. The porter evidently knew the ropes, for in less than half an hour he returned with as choice a speoimen of the genus hoodlum as the heart of the.most exacting Scotchman could desire. It was Redheaded Mike, the Tar Flat Daisy, as good a -representative hoodlum as ever stoned a Chinaman or balanoed himself on a six-inch heel. ' [ ' So you are a hoodlum, are you ?' said the benign but politely inquisitive nobleman, as he ran his eye over the gallus-looking youth

before him. \ 'Guess so,' said Mike, whose cast-iron cheek didn't wilt a particle under the inspection, 'but ain't this a kind of a dry circus ?' | The Duke, with his native politeness] jumped up and rang the bell. While his back was turned Mike skilfully helped himj self to a handful of 'cigars from out of a box on the table, taking at the same time a fine, meerschaum cigar hplder. The waiter sooA appeared with the drinks, and under their soothing influence, the 'Tar Flat Daisy; opened Out. Each word was prefaced by ati oath, not ordinary oaths, but oaths such as made a blue shading round his ugly mouth aB they chased each other into space. He also grew so alarmingly familiar that the Duke was glad to hand him a 'five-dollar piece and get rid of him. As Mika's brickcoloured back hair disappeared through the .door, the Duke, with a Bigh' of relief, thanked heaven that the breed was unknown in the land of cakes. . !

, A Considerate Judge. . [ It was very considerate of Judge Parker, of Indiana, to do an act of courtesy to a young lady during a recent trial that came before him. The case seemed to be quite! clear and simple, and he was about to give his decision when he noticed the daughter o| one of the parties, and requested her to come forward, take the stand, and be sworn.' ' He asked her a few unimportant questions, and gave his decision. At dinner, afterwardsj one of the oounsel asked if it was neoeaaarV that the young lady should testify. ' Wellj no,' said the Judge, smiling) 'but I saw that Bhe had a new bonnet, and was striving to show ib, and I concluded to give her a better opportunity by putting her on the stand.' ' '