PLAYING MENAGERIE.

Otago Witness, Issue 1419, 1 February 1879, Page 33

PLAYING MENAGERIE.

They bad a dreadful row up at Guffey'd the other night. This is the way it occurred. Little Tommy Guffey had been holding an amateur circus and menagerie in the cellar, and when the luncheon bell rang ho entirely forgot that the big yellow cat had been shut up in the refrigerator as a Royal Bengal tiger. That n'ght, about half-past 11 o'clock, Mrs Guffey remarked that it was the hottest night in the whole course of her experience, and that she should die if she couldn't have a piece of ice. After Mr G. hadstoppul Baoring long enough to respectfully but firmly decline to go after that commodity, Mm G. put on her slippers and proceeded to grope her vray down into the cellar, aud lifted up the refrigerator lid. Mrs Guffjy afterwards said that she supposed 0(1 Nick himself came straight up from the lower regions just then on the lightning express. At all events, she distinctly remembers that about a ton of something explodtd under her nose, and while one claw took her square in the eyes, another wiped off h/r back hair as clean as a whistle. After that she fainted into an alligator's mouth, or had a fit, she hardly remembered which. Mr G. in the meanwhile awoke from a dream, in which he was a stage coaoh beiDg chased in by Indians ahead of time, and an instant's reflection convinced him there must be burglars inthehGiiso, and that the most energetic thing to do would be to promptly arouse tho neighbourhood. So he rushed into the garret, crawled out of the roof, f>at on the tr.ip door, aud yelled " Murder !" until the whole street was in commotion, When officer Ym\

gan arrived, Mrs Guffey was going into her tenth fib among the butter and oold meat, the little Guffeya had all crawled up the chimney, while f< ur members of a military rifle team who boarded across the square had taken out their rifles under the impression that Guffey was a housebreaker, and had already made three sighting shots apiece at him, and had nearly got bis range, when the officer opened the front door and took him in out cf the storm. Little Tommy Guffey has concluded that the next time he plays menagerie he will put the Bengal tiger in the mocking bird's cage instead.

Preserve the Breeks.— "lsh terscheneral around ? " asked an excited Israelite as the United States troops passed through Siatuka recently in pursuit of the fleeing Bannocks. " Well, my man," said General Howard, reining in his horse, " what is it ? Speak quick.'' " I am a room' man, echeneral, Dem cursed redBkins dey murder my boy Shacob about fife miles from here and ahteal a dozen pair of pants he vos peddlin' — new pants, so heliup me kracious—right out of my shtore ! " " Sorry for your loss, my man, but haven't time to talk about it now. If. we catch up with the demons we'll stop their devilries for good and all." "Yes, I know, scheneral, I know," eagerly whispered the bereaved "ready-made" mer. chant, hanging desperately to the General's stirrup—" dot's all right j but, yen you come up mit doze Indians wot got doze new pants on, for kracious sate, scheneral, tole de soldiers to Bhoothigh!" It is proposed to import dried oysters from China, where large quantities are dried instead of being eaten in the fresh state. For that purpose they are taken from the sheik, simply plunged into boiling water, and then removed at once, after which process they are exposed to the rays of the sun until every particle of moisture has evaporated. In that state they will keep for a length of time, and are said to preserve all the delicacy of their flavour. The finest and fattest bivalves, bred and fed on the leaves and cuttings of the bamboo, ar« selected for preparation by that method, those taken from the natural beds being inferior in quality, and not sufficiently plump to stand the operation.

Perfection.— Mrs S. A. Allen's World's Hair Restorer (the Genuine only in Pink Paper Wrappers) never fails to restore gray hair to its youthful colour, imparting to it new life, growth , and lustrous beauty. Its action is certain and thorough, quickly baniehißg greyuesa. It'is no a dye. It ever proves itself the natural strengtbener of the hair. Its superiority and excellence are established throughout the world Wholesale of Kempthorne, Pkosser, and Co , Dunedin and Auckland; and, FjCLTON, Geim. wade, and Co., Wellington, and retail of all Chemists and Perfumers throughout the Colonies. Historical \—Vide "Jurors' Reports and Awards, New Zealand Exhibition." Jurors : J. E. Ewen, J. Butterworth, T. C. Skinner. 1 So far as the Colony is concerned, the dyeing of materials is almost entirely confined to the re-dyeing of Articles of Dress and Upholstery, a most useful art, for there are many kinds of material that lose their colour before the texture is half worn. G. Hirsch, of Dunedin (Dunedin Dye Works, George street, opposite Royal George Hotel), exhibits a case of specimens of dyed Wools, Silks, and Feathers, and dyed Sheepskins. The colours on the whole arc very fair, and reflect considerable credit on the Exhibitor, to whom the Jurors recommended an Honorary Certificate, 639 : Gustav Hirsch, Dunedin, for Specimen of Dyeing in Silk, Feathers, &c.

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