Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1342, 18 August 1877, Page 19

Sentiment and Humour.

A Nut-cbackek. — A shillalegh. A Garden Party. — An old rake. Loanly People. — The B.othschilds. A Medical Regiment. — The Lance-ers. Out op Season.— An empty pepperbox.

Why is a young lady of 17 brief summers like the Sultan's Asiatic possessions — eh ? Because she's a she minor.

Nevbb trump your partner's ace. The folly of a moment brings sadness to the heart, and steeps the soul in misery for many days after.

Somebody describes a young lady as a person who kisses her gentlemen friends till she is eight years old, and then leaves off till she is eighteen. Pestilential backbiters are the most infamous smiters. They steal the livery of heaven to serve tile .devil in— the devil of selfishness. Beware of them. , , If you. really want to be. liked, keep, your egotism in the background. 7 You can think as much of yourself as ypu like, be just as vain as you please, but don't, allow the fact to peep. out. Saying sharp things doesn't pay. It may gratify your Bpite at first, but it is better to have friends than enemies, and if you cannot make people happy, at least refrain from adding to their misery. The supernatural hidden forces and final causes of Nature are beyond ,the reach of the human mind ; but if we could discover them, they would bo no material benefit to life or its purposes. — Socrates.

A nation in revolution, is like the bronze boiling and foaming, and, purifying itself in the cauldron. Not yet iB the statue of -liberty cast. Fiercely boils the metal; have an eye on the furnace,. or the flame will aurely scorch you. — Danton. " Have you ever read ' Watts on the Mind V " asked a lady of an old bachelor., " Oh !" exclaimed he, " if you only knew what's on my mmd — and yet I dare not tell you !" " Why, do tell J" cried she. He did. The wedding came off in a month.

"I went to see my girl the other night," said Charley. " I kissed her repeatedly, and when I finally ceased, the tears came into her eyes, and she said, in sad tones, ' Oh, Chawles, I fear you have ceased to love me !' 'Oh, no, I haven't,' I replied ; but I must breathe." "Hit it." "Didn't." "Did too" "Didn't, neither." "Did." "Didn't." "I won't play any more." "Don't want you to." "Hateful thing." "Don't you want to borrow our morning paper? Mother says you don't come and get' it but six days in a week before; we've seen it." Thus the familiar trifles of the .croquet ground begin to be heard again as they float along the street. , s 7 A gentleman, rather given, to, con-" viviality,- desirous that the effects pf a slight over-indulgence should) not be noticed by the groom who. was, holding his pony's head for him to mount, ;sprang 'so lightly into the saddle as to ; land;on the turf on the other siile. John, advancing to f meet him where he lay, exclaimed, "Ech^ Sir, I hope ybuVe no' hurt ? " " No, John,',' was the' reply, " but 1 never knew tke beast to do that before !" •^-London Hornet. ■ r ■ . There is a healthy moralist living in •Chicago, who has made his money in the •milk .business. He retired. some : years, ago, and has since occupied his- time' •giving struggling young men good advice, 7 They seem to pick right up under it. "Don't be discouraged, boys, f * it.ishis fashion to. remark, "you can't expect to 'get rich all at wonst. When things doesn't look cheerful like, think of me. : : Industry and honesty was, all the capital had, f except a milk can and a water paill" • : A Chbebxtji.Facb.— rCarry the radiance of, your soul in your face. Let the world have the benefit of ic. Let your cheerfulness be felt for good, wherever you are, and let, your smiles be scattered like 'sunbeams " on the unjust as well as the i just. Such a disposition will yield you a rich reward, for its Happy effects will 'come home to you, and .brighten, your momenta of thought. Cheerfulness makes the mind clear, gives tone to the.thoughta, adds grace and beauty to the countenance. - QufiEir Victoria is not without a pleasant humour. When, she landed at .Ports[mouth on her way, to London, for the opening of Parliament she .found Sir Hastings Doyle, the General commanding the district, waiting in the bitterest cold weather to receive her. "Sir Hastings," said the Queen, kindly, " it is far too bad a day for you to be out." "Madamj" replied he, "it is the duty of your generals to die in your service." "Yes," retorted the Queen, smiling, " but not in that way."

The sight of sin softens, and subdues, -And who so inhuman as to insult the sinful 1 Best, of men is he w,ho, (tolerant of human infirmity, comprehends its fraiities and forbears the stern rebuke. Never are the human prerogatives so nobly displayed as when compaasioning the wicked and the weak, defending them against themselvas even by kindly clemency and forbearance. ,It takes more' ■ than man to treat man justly and graciously. The -greater the sin, by so much greater the measures of mercy, the tenderness, the long-suffering, defending the sinner against his sins, and awakening the convictions that bring him to confession and repentance. "—Alcatfs Table Talk. '

Miss Soldene's vocal aperture seems to have wrested forth, all the cheap wit of the town. One gangrened individual writes to us, complimentingly, that he is disturbed in his contemplation of that actress's new charming costume of " Eve before the Fall," by the imminent danger of her opening her mouth, and entirely hiding the upper portion of her figure. He suggests adding a valise lock, which will alao mercifully prevent the pritna donna from singing. He solemnly averV that when Madame l'Archiduc smiles, the ! gallery can see what she has had for dinner. This slander unmistakably emanates from some snubbed admirer, whose grievance is that he hasn't yet succeeded in observing what the fair singer has for supper. — Newsletter.

The newspaper is the, ( chronicle of civilisation, the common reservoir into .

which every stream pours its living waters, and at jvhich every man mr»y come and drink ; it , is the newspaper which gives to Jiberty practical life, its perpetual vigilance, its unrelaxing activity. The newspaper is a sleepless watchman, . that reports _to you every danger that menaced the institutions of your country, and its interests at home and abroad. The newspaper informs" legislation of the public opinion/arid it informs thepeople of the acts of legislation ; thus- keeping up that constant sympathy,' ithat>'good understanding between, people and legislators, which conduces to the maintenance of order, and prevents the astern necessity for revolution. — Buhner.

" And aboveall, Nellie, my love," were the parting words of a West Adams street .woman to *her daughter, as the hack -to convey the ' newly-wedded pair to Forfc Wayne depot drewaip at the door ; "and above all, Nellie, if you should quarrel— for Eeginald is but a 'man, and his life is full of thorns — remember that yeur first duty is to yourself as a lady and housekeeper.' ' Order neatness above all things. Never hit yoiir husband with a rollingpin or potatbimasher.i You- could never forgive -yourself, if Hhe result of such a blow were to be.the>appearanceiof a hair actable in a^dish of mashed potatoes or & pie-crust when iyou shad' company at tea. The^pbker will do quite "as well, and is infinitely- more; lady- like. Good -by. . Write every dayYvafcd 'don't forget your poor old mother*; 800-hoo J" ,

' It istumounced'that several pedestrians will shortly.walk a hundred miles for the benefit of the widow of an. heroic fellow • who has just lost , his life. The idea is, to say the r least, an eccentric one, but should it become popular, we may expect to read of Howard Coit standing on his head all day for the benefit of two orphan children, or the Board of Supervisors climbing a greasy pole to raise funds fco pay the expenses of the Water Oommisaioners. Presuming that sweet charity is evolved : from these performances, it is possibly no one's right to question their fitness ; but we hope .that a benign Providence will close our labours in this sphere before we are compelled to see Alick Badlam in- a song and dance, or to witness a friendly cmill with- the* gloves between .Senators Jones and Sargent for the benefit of a femalel hospital or a foundling out of ludt. a., in-ij ■ ; , , , ■ : I A HDTCMfor.the management of municipal jedisputes ; comes if romKew Zealand. Two .gentlemen (belonging ..to the* St. .KildajiOouricil^Lnear/iDuhedin/ had- a difference of .opinion,' and r they went outside to settle it. ■ A number of ratepayers ,fprmed ?a ring,- and the disputants commenced pommeling < .each other in the (most, scientific .manner till both -j were [severely punished. Jhdon't know thatth* (business even of Parliament might not be . , conducted in a more satisfactory manner '.if "pairing.^ of this; /kind -became the .rule, j The.personal' adjournment of some honourable members would be highly conducive, to .the j interests of the. country, rand the public would then appreciate the [feelings that ■actuated a- spectator at the '* f late prize fight, when he implored one of the 'principals,^' Break his jaw for my .sake.!'?' If ever the noble art of selfdefence is engrafted on our Parliamentary proceedings, the rule should be strictly observed oE aiming only at tha jaw. Melbourne Leader.- , , * _ : .Eloquence as it Shines is Texas. Intimidate me, gentlemen of the jury ! Me, Iwhof first drew-, the . breath of life beneath the gigantic foliage of the mighty western' forest oak.'- Me,' who was nurtured by the r Mississippi; and cradled by lan earthquake I Me, whose playthings ia - childhood were thebear," and the alligator, and . thevdbuble-engine steamboat, . and who, inmore mature.years, delighted tograpple withtheimpending'-storm as it rushed wild and. furious, from, its mountain /home! Gentlemen of the jury, the idea is preposterous. ■ The case is too plain to argue. The witnessesall spoke doublyidistilled and. clarified truth ; but youmust;be very careful. to believe my , client wherever his statements conflict with the* bold, ." unconscionable "'" ' array 'on the part . of the plaintiff. . Gentlemen of the jury,.. .you are< too sensible to pay any attention ito anything except what I have told you. You all look like eminent divines or .United States ; and all the lawyers. betweenthe Sabine and the, Rio Grande -might talk to you for i three weeks, with right, law, and .evidence on their side, and "fail to convince you, since I have instructed the court what to charge and you what to find. Gentlemen of the jury, I leave my case in your hands. the. box.] — Counter Journal.