Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 920, 17 July 1869, Page 16

Varieties.

Desperate: Game.— A stag at bay. A Sound Judge.— A musical critic. A Flat Contradiction— Self-denial.

Elboant Extracts.— ln a dentist's window

Lamb used to say that he could read any kind of book except those books which no gentleman's library ought to be without, The following "notice "is posted on a fence in a London suburb :•— " Whoever is found trespassing on these grounds will be shot and prosecuted. " A Strong Man. — " Mamma, " said a little child, "is not Mr. Biffles very; strong ?"— " Why do you ask, my dear?" said the mother. " Because he said he was going to take the steamboat over to Battersea," replied the child.

Oborob the Third was very fond of Hutton, the Moravian missionary. On one occasion, the King, who liked a joke, said in his dry way, " Mr. Hutton, I am told that you Moravians do not select your own -wives, but leave it to your ministers to choose for you ; is it bo ? "—"" — " Ye«, please your Majesty ; marriages amongst the Brethren are contracted, as your Majesty will perceive, after the fashion of royalty." Baron Rothschild at Business. — Among the storiev told of the late Baron Rothschild, of Paris, is this :— He was a business man in business hours, and so it was natural in him to say, without looking up from his papers, what rather offended the ears of the dignified Count F , who, by some mistake, was led into the banker's private room : " Urn 1 Tnke a chair." Bilence, and then : " But— ah—par, don me, lam the Count F."— " Oh, ah, urn / take two chairs." A liigh party comes to close an important transaction— a matter of moving some millions of francs from one , country to another. •• What will bo the rate of exchange!" The baron rings, and puta his interlocutor's question in German to the clerk who answers ihe bell. " One per cent," says the special clerk in German. " Two p«r cent," says the baron, turning to the high party. " Pardon mo, baron, but I understand German."— " Ah J Well, in that case, and between two friends, for you the rate if one and a half per cent. " Twentt or thirty years ago, whenmisulonjj try enterprise was in its infancy among the Islands of the South Seas, Captain Summers anchored his tloop-of-war off one of the Mar* quesao. Thenextmorninghesawan American floating from the beach, Union down. This excited him fearfully, and he sent off a boat at once to inquire into the matter. Presently the boat rctnrnedand brought a grave-looking missionary. The captain's anxiety ran high . "What's tho trouble out there?" he asked. " quick I "— •' Well, I am grieved to say, rir,'» replied the missionary, M that the natives have boon interrupting our sacerdotal exercises." — " What— what was it you said they'd been doing ? "—" It pains mo, sir, to say that they have been interrupting our sacerdotal Qxet • dies." - " Man them starboard guns! Btand by, now, to give 'cm tho whole battery! '» exclaimed tho captain. Tho astonished mil* sionary hastened to protest against tuch rig. orous measures, and finally succeeded in making tho old tar understand that thonattvet had only been breaking up a prayer«m«etin«. • Oh, it that all? " said h« i I thought yon meant that they'd (topped your grog ! "

49*. Ah I dp Jt Wud|y » »tff> a hqbr Ufr, That nntlo ministry to tho wants of Age j And Youth rip higher mitsloi) e'er should ask Thanthuf to light iomoloneouo*«pllgrin)»fp. Think ot the vearinoti vblch thoy mtut Uol After to many ytM*, and ftrivt to be Otntlt with tbatn ti»ioo« ytmng heart shall IntfcyoWaftMtWJwrf wUhthat, (4ft