Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 657, 2 July 1864, Page 20

Varieties.

Club.— A bundle of sticks, with aj few; /nofcs ou- - the top. ' ' "; :;,,'''"".■"'» Why is a rook like a farmer ?— Because lie gets! liis grub by the pfoughl ' ! " ' Jt '^ "7 Awful !— Wlien is a traveller like Cerberus V Whcnho's at Bib ~n Trio/ t'~ ' tr ■'• C- •

First Fruit, of the Parliamentary Session'.'-^Th'e 11 - r Queen's Peach. - ,;<•,,. ,i-r Sydney Smith on Religious Training.— "An" ounce of mother is worth a p»und of clergy.M ; " "Union is .not always strength," as the sailor said when he Baw the "purser mixing' his rum >w}tb» water. A Printer's Con.— Which is the -mosf difficult punctuation '—Putting a stop te - a- woman's"tongue. . . t „( > i ,v| „* ._ Fireside Philosophy.—A round of- pleasure; sometimes renders is _ difficult :o toake, things square. ' ' - . " it _ -' l:r *"' J , ; Tiie wprld'hasa million of roosts fora irian but only oae nest, i - >''' ' r 'j< . ' -'- r Causes |CeTehre.— When' Is a rook like f ths" oe- ; ' ginning, of -an. answer, t6:a riddle I— When it's'! heak-caws. h •-. ■ Paradoxical as it .may, seem, ie {who ■ reels *#nd . • staggers most in, the journey, of life takeV.thY' straightest'eut to perdmon. ■; „1 , "' "'V, *"" , , Wanted, two stamps ' of indignation aria one of true npbihty, l ;< ' ; 'l ' "' /' ; ~ :: ""r ' > > The.Great Exhibition; of N afwaf Curiosities.— '•'■ A large hoop. • • i i-^i • i' t-:jh s;; " To Agriculturistsi-i-In conset[uenc"e' 'of J( l^i i ' being Leap Year, we may be sure it -will 5 go off; with a good Spring., , , r, \,J ,-, ;- r - .- >.- ir i lUr, Love and Potatoes.-^Tom -AToorfe- compared i love to a potatpe.Vf tepause/.ii .shoots.^m, ej-es,' 1 "or rnther," exfelaimed Byron: "becauseit becomes lessbyiaaii^' • l) " - *''*' " *T^,.The' "Beaii" Knot.—" I'Verdeive youW trying a beau=knot/f safd f a p6rson ! fo'aJyb'ufig 1 ' couple of opposite sex#,'whoseiarms- were*pre't»f ' well linked round eaci other. v-,j.^v -,j.^ l} , : <f One .Wofcif'.Mj^/;— i^ clerk /to ,tha Dead* Letter Office, ( ofjn^»jquiring' mind, was curious - ,to find how many let r era t w_ere .written without a < postscript. , One aaj'lrist weeK ne found that 6iit of 6853 letters written by" females/ only 875' r w^e without postscripts.-jj Some; off the other 'letters* contained three,-ppstspripts. t ,. > • . ■- , , j „ . A lawyer once,.pleadea with greatl-abiiity^thett cause of nis client. for nearly ,an nour... -, WheuJh^o had done,his,anta26nist r with'asuperciliou^sneer, ' said he did not understand a word tfie .other said T who merely replied^' "I: believa itV : "fi>J"l"'wasi' ; speaking law." >, a ( i _-,y-- ,<.r' t'i S} ' A Bishop in Partibus.rjDr-AColensolhaS been:'' judged at the ,Gape^and f the charges of. .heresy k confirmed. , No .doubt tlie colonial J«ietarcliy,!nre rather startled 1 ftt the spread of free tbbiigh't 'm^he church] and-so-w"ant fo' f serid'out~ilie' J 'l)ishmi^6f'' lS r atal'as a (B) Capegoat. <~* Lv-^ K r }f.ti- . • Opie was' once engagedtto paint! %h = eborkrait'*6f ' a lady, who^whenever. she I, thought* the painter >: was touching thet mouth, screwed it up? .gf » ridi- - ciilous manner. Ome r fiho was a blunt man,, said very quietly, T " Madam, if you tlie 'mbutttleft out, I wiU omit It with plebsur6; M!t ;,' 1: '■" -;- .' Anecdote df'the'Frosf^Sljr^gentl^man fpretendmg to look at exposed'thermometerif '-" Quite "■• thirty, by Jove..";' Young, lady- cousin,' (who has stopped by. ;,the mos^jierfect accident)jij" I'm - nothing ojt thekind/sir; and Vie i<iea,of yourpretending not t6 see me I." ,V ' •-" ,, r ' Fires" in "Theatref^Mr- Dion Boucicauft "has addr^Sfe^ a letter to. tb.e-^/;Era" qfi- thissubjegt." Thi3 talented'geatteraan ought to; be an excellent autLority upon the, easiest mqdess.pfegressjfronv those places which may have, at any tini6,become . tog hot to hold him. ,; 't \ '■- frosty .-T-At thp fancy ball given !by k jffie Foreign^ Minister in Paris last week/ one lady^appearoi'as"'* a Flake of Snow. This was not the laoy' who, was :< fenerally allowed to betheTeignin^tbelle*,*"''At* ullien's next bal jnaique yre intend the^ hint.and go as a penny ice. „„,. -{-\*-. .-•!--" • Baroutchie. Pasha die^jiecentiiy a;fc Cop^tantiT, . nople. The Catholic pajrty^declared thTai*he r^ia^ died a member' of tlieirpbmmunJoffjandakmiother^^ sect claimed the" body, ttfey :tnaQei'ftn^"ap^jlalJ'te»S Fuad Pasha, who wisely >repHeds*£ f Since vouiarfe thus sure gf his^ sou^ you] can 5 I -.think, ;?iTord «£o- ,- leave,the others liis body!". hi . ,'j.j r ' „- ',', UnparHamen^iry „ ,. law "l^^^wo;;. cabmen . , drinking beer at'the'bar oii^^^pottea-'Dbg'^diii^' of thorn made a, questionable statement relative to a.cireumstanee'which 1 had' occUrfe3>'tfieH"w*eelC"' before.- Whereupon the other said,^f.That'a ftHi-of tHi-o .historical/ 111 1 His companion. promptly) retorted,! , •«Yra'w'motfier."V „', A} „|-,o'vSJiß ' Aiilrish officer^ upon seeing ajbeaumiirpicWesketched upon a wall in 1 f Apericaj%£cla!m'ed,y ' "It's a fine pnintingVwut jt l was' rieve£i'"done'" : in: ' America." t '( OK, sir.,'" says -hjVirfenxk you see it in on the solid wall,, aad^eraiormimifsts' have been done in this^cp ? uij|ry?" >*\ATv;*rer ■, plied he,- ,'f I "see. that' plain enougnrbut I',flffliVt-' meant that the man" who did it^wasLnever'lw' America."; ' <■•*.- iv J ' x nl v-^> md ?• -; ', -Whilst'^Father MattHew^was^exefc^ingnta " charity, bui toolavisb:-f()i?' hfe slender Pifleloß,v the^ c^erkof his chapel .once-ohiirscteristJSHly $ail4;-s"ji " Look,-sir J .HCTe's my } no^Jonfftgj.subj^f; Ifihe streeijs of 4 Cork w,er^ .paved WfUqsg^ldiiaoA^., if-Ftfther Matthew had;M%coftWl,ovef f tKem,' Ji ;ahd;cbj(iid r ao wha^^he^ljked WW tf eW|-;'lhert i , wouldn't W 6 paving-stone in^rfcby the ,a^'year"/»-i \l.n *> f rtyi «!«;w:v*bh' ' bp^*BoWAK»JisEOT:4ivery - , shot',oferiflM ai^fciy^scic^wgftOj^eVßiittjiswttt '"} system',, Bataa^Ber^nfiletiejr, jcaste^tj IgWts/]j~ i lSO.Wvy'jAmf; asbbt^^^'^^m|eO5 es ujldertakSstne attack, each of which fl-e^MCied^ 5 ..tft^re .from i VOd^tor-lQOOJlsh'pt^^t v&t ? ih^owykii < bpmb^f^pieflfe^iM^ '.> besetaown ( a^jS^Q#%; -#? \J^~ty&stfciMA> not included the cost of the jrafuj^/ I , the.i&MojMi^T -shovelßy'brushV-66d/&c. ll ;v v ';\' v *r*»" -v • ~ s 'BWoA^D U.TRQOiTIES'.-p Hk&di JwW,*' , ftH ! 'Mplra-stateai thit;^ ( |^;4^''ft^o/;'CteFejm? JJ • 'Gjayfta: tfife f %Mbf f3^ahdifepM&a§l« ptobn^S'^ theinduntaiaspf sflrnopis; ' WBptijmk selected two, toftuj^d'tbleni'ia^er/ifi toleSWhicU^^^jkd te^R^tt^i ■ Tolunteera.V ho ntia operated against"tne,bnganas. - . One tir the ■ ;wo .prisoners - resisted «v§ry wture ; : iTti&e 1 feTwti ft fekef, lv tneir.*e%' nßse^faild* 1^ 1 !cWfiß?"c! cWfiB ? "cW < M.an4%etf/^.^S i '« i^t : ' r #f'ai^eJwkM il Mt'BCubder^ oartf^€eiP^ ! 1 ? #>m|'i&S6fisJ Wthe^'eb^miihaant '6ft^e*#nJraa& " • 'Gniuxrof Avella, widf'W le^rfi^W^ri^Baw" chief. „ "s" s ' " , *■ '