THE DAUGHTER OF THE HOUSE

Otago Daily Times, Issue 19762, 13 April 1926, Page 14

THE DAUGHTER OF THE HOUSE

To-day so much is written about the modern girl, her perfections and her imperfections, that I feel a little diffident in broaching the subject (says a writer in “Home”). And yet, is the- girl of today so much more modern »ian her mother, her grandmother, or even her great-grandmother? I doubt it. Another curious fact is that the word modern is generally appreciative, excepting when it is used to describe the daughter of the I often wonder which is more difficult—to be a good daughter or a good mother! But I am convinced that to be a success in either role tact and consideration are needed on both sides, and perhaps the daughter needs most. What is her position? Roughly, it consists in helping her mother in all ways, taking her place when required, and effacing herself at other times. This may sound easy, but in practice it is the reverse, and I congratulate on their wisdom those daughters who genuinely try to arrive at an agreement with their mothers as to what their duties are, and then regulate their behaviour accordingly. For instance, it is not correct for a girl to treat- her home as though it were a hotel, to be there when it suits her and away when it does not. When parties are given it is essential that she should be there to help her mother to receive and entertain her guests. At parties given for older people she should remember that her role is to assist, not to dominate. On the other hand, if the party is made up of young peopl then let her remember that her’ mother will expect her to take the responsibility for the wel- ' a of her guests, see that introductions are i -v'.’, partners provided, and in other words find her pleasure ia making her guests enjoy themselves. . .any modern mot ers allow their daughters to give their own parties, and this ia a vi y good plan, as it teaches gi 's how to organise and arrange social affairs, but however much freedom is allowed in this respect, it is not correct to be too independent. I remember once feeling very embarrassed on saying to the mother of a 17-year : old girl: “I am looking forward to seeing you to-mor-row,” when she replied. “Oh, that will be i.' a. Where?” And to my .orror I discovered that the girl had invited me to lunch at the house without having previously cor -ult-d or told her mother, thereby—probably through thoughtlessi placing her mother and myself in rather an awkw 1 p. dicament. Young people, we are told, are tactless, but are they? In my opinion they are more often lazy! They do not ./ant to bother to write a conventional letter of thanks after a visit, to answer an invitation which they cannot accept, or to make a call with their parent, all of which are essential parts of social life. Paying calls is hardly a thrilling entertainment for anyone, but that does not excuse a daughter from accompanying her mother or even making a call for her if required. She should also remember that it is her duty to accompany her mother when making a cull on elderly people, as well as in a case where thex-e are girls of her own ago. , It is generally easy to get on with one s tamily, but it is not so easy when it comes to one’s parents’ contemporaries, and there, I think, the girl if often to blame. Even to-dav it shows good breeding to be considerate to one’s elders, to refrain from contradicting, and to listen courteously to their conversation. Cigarettes are often the innocent cause of a' breach of manners. Smoking is so general that a girl may often light a cigarette almost unconsciously, but I advise her to be careful. There are many people who do not like to see a girl smoking, so unless she is certain, let her, when in a strange house, refrain from smoking until her hostess suggests that she may do so. . . Many mothers complain of their daughters ’independence. Demands for latchkeys and no chaperons fill them with horror. When they were young the daughter of the house did not leave the house unattended and slamming the door behind her, to return at an hour unknown to her parents. “How lucky we’re no longer so dependent,” retorts the modern girl, and up to a point she is right, but she will bo wrong if she overdoes it. Let her ask her brother what he thinks of girls who live unconventional lives, and bis reply will probably surprise her Young men, as well as parents, like a certain amount of dependence in girls. No mother wants to trail after her dan ;hter night after night in the capacity of a chaperon, but she will be happier if she knows that her daughter is one of a party, or that she has a brother with her. In short, it -» not in good taste for a girl to make herself conspicuous by being too much in the society of men only. She may temporarily have a good time, but it will not last, and she will be surprised when later she is not welcomed 1 by others girls and their parents. In conclusion, every girl will do well to ask herself constantly: “Am I behaving towards my mother in the way I should want my daughter to behave to me?” This may seem too simple a way of looking at a question of etiquette, but the simple way is generally the best way when we Have to deal with anything fundamental, such as the behaviour of woman to girl and girl to woman.