THE UNSPEAKABLE CONDUCTOR.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 19529, 11 July 1925, Page 7

THE UNSPEAKABLE CONDUCTOR.

A TEAMCAR EOPISODE. Written for the Otago Daily Times. Br Small Change. Some time ago I underwent a highly regrettable experience with a tram conductor and now, of nights, I wake up in a cold perspiration when I dream of the fate that must assuredly have been my lot had that conductor followed his inclinations regardless of the sanctity of human life. It all happened after I nad boarded a car at the Stock Exchange during the tea time rush, and as there were no seats loft I stood on the platform. It was one of the ,o now cars with the platform in the middle. M the next stop a man rose and got out, but as he had forgotten to pay his faro the conductor pounced after him like an angry tiger. “Fares please,” he demanded firmly, and the man stopped beside the car to tender half a crown. Now, to hand a conductor half a crown when the car is almost empty is bad enough. Ho usually gives a disgusted grunt as he counts change, slipping in as many pennies and halfpennies as ho can, but to submit such a coin during the rush hour is an out and out insult. It is a challenge, an act of the coolest effrontery, not to lie overlooked. I felt sorry for that man as the conductor counted the pennies back into his hand. The autocrat of the tramcar looked him up and down in a silence fraught with moaning. “That,” thought I ; “is. a marked man. I wouldn’t bo in his shoes for a tenner. Some night they’ll find his mutilated body in Logan Park or floating in the harbour. Poor beggar, he’ll get his all right,” I was roused from my thoughts by a vicious clang of the gong, and the car started with a jerk that hurled me into an old lady’s lap. And then the conductor gave vent to all his pent-up wrath. In me no found a sympathetic listener. “What d’ye think of that?” he shouted in my ear above the din of traffic. “Give a follow half a dollar arid hold the ‘blessed oar up to suit bis own blamed convenience.” I agreed with him that it was, to say the least of it, inconsiderate. “Inconsiderate,” snorted he, “I should say it was d d insolent. Anyway,” he added with a slightly comforted look, “I’ve unloaded a dickens of a load of ha’pennies on to the blighter. I only hope they burn n hole in his pocket.” With those few sincerely expressed words the conductor went to the other end of the car to commence collecting at the point ho had left off to chase his quarry. I foil into another reverie, and was only awakened by his pleasant, “Faros, please.” He had remembered mo, and had appreciated my sympathy. Absently I fumbled in my pockets for small change, and gradually a sort of clammy horror stole over me. I hadn't anything less than a ton shilling note I Surely, if over a man wore condemned out of Iris own mouth, T was that man, and as I brought that hateful note to view I saw the conductor’s expression gradually fade. Ho reminded me of I>r Jekyll and Mr Hyde. First an amiable smile and then a cold glare of unspeakable ferocity. I cringed, expecting instant annihilation as I weakly mumbled an apology. “Ho, nothing smaller than a ton bob note, have you? ho said, “My, you’re well off!” I could see from this ho was going to bo sarcastic. I don’t like sarcasm at any time His voice could bo heard from one end of the car to the other, and 1 saw every passenger, including my neighbour Perkins, who sometimes chases my fowls out of his garden, sit up with a distended nock. Pretty bad form, I thought. The conductor continued inexorably. “Couldn’t you let mo have a, fiver,” ho pleaded, “surely this ton bob’s not the best you can do?” I said something about being sorry, but ho wont on, “And you wore the bloke that sneered at that poor feller that just got off for giving mo half a crown. Hypocrisy I call it.” Surely, I thought, this was a change of front. By this time ho had counted out the last penny into my burning palm, and the car pulled up. It was not my destination, but I thought I would got out and walk, oven if by doing so I would deprive the conductor of his opportunity to bring his speech to a crushing climax. “What, so soon !” ho exclaimed, .in mock surprise, “and ho hasn’t oven counted his change. Ho trusts me implicitly." The last words I heard ns I hurried away were: “Ho must bo pretty well off.”