AUSTRALIA PARADOXUS.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XLIV, Issue 14042, 27 April 1920, Page 5

AUSTRALIA PARADOXUS.

J (Bv Montague Grover.) r To the Australian, the Anglo-India i is a strange bird, but to the Angle • Indian the Australian is the weirdes J of ornithological freaks, surpassing th : tamed platypus of his own land. On . simple continent in the south is a puz , zie. and he spends endless time tryinj , to get the "places to fit, alternator. , laughing at the difficulties and losinj i his temper at the vanity of his efforts i Of course we smile at him for his clum i siness. and try to assist him; but h' i will have none of our assistance. I i is not his own clumsiness but our cu l l>istic mental attitude which is respon l sible for all the pieces being wroiigb i shaped. How is a human being to -tini derstand live millions of ornithorhyn- ' ehus paradoxicuses all quacking together and continuing to lay eggs in spite of the rebuke that "It isn't done, old chap." To begin with, the Anglo-Indian is a conservative gentleman. That is not to say that he is conservative in the Australian sense. The utterances of the Melbourne Club or the Union Club he would regard, not as reactionary, not as capitalistic, but as rankly Bolshevistic. The British House of Commons he frowns on as a dangerous, not to say revolutionary, concern: while as for the House of Lords, well, if it is not precisely a menace to the wcllbeing of the deserving, it is certainly guilty of things better left undone. Like the Scotch parson who was reminded of the Saviour's Sunday walk through the cornfields, he "dinnn think the better of" Him for it." Fresh from u triumph over official Labor, comes the Australian passenger and the Anglo-Indian feeling that at last Australia has acted with sanity and understanding, prepares to congratulate him. Now. he thinks, there will be an end of all this tomfoolery which has made Australia a jazz Commonwealth to his eyes. Now, right will prevail; the forces of disorder are to he undone. He seeks the stoutest and most con-srrvative-lnoking Australian passenger on hoard the mailboal. and, opens the 'conversation. AVlien the Australian announces that lie is and always has been bitterly hostile lo Labor, the Anglo-Indian is ready to call him ■'Comrade." and take him by the hand : but .in five minutes the Australian conservative has given utterance to sentiments that make the AngloIndian wonder what the devil an Australian Laborite must- be like. The great majority of Anglo-Indians know nothing of Australian politics beyond a comprehension that at a general election just held Labor was defeated, and thev take that to mean that, as a result, the whole of Labor's political achievements of the past- 2D years are to be automatically swept away. It is a dee]) disappointment, for them to find that the conservative Australian has no thought of such a cataclysm, in fact, no desire for. it. "You have a minimum wage declared by law. I understand:-''' said one particularly well-informed Anglo-Indian. He was assured that- that was so. His face beamed. "Then," he declared, "now. I suppose. voil will abolish that?"

Nobody seemed to regard the suggestion with much enthusiasm. "And.'' continued the Anglo-Indian, omitting in his excitement to note the apathy, "having abolished that you -should declare a maximum wage—"say ', that no man should receive more than much. That would provide you with a sufiieioiicy of cheap labor." 'Hie Australians—all men who would - be described from the soapboxes of the Yarni bank and the Domain as capitalist.-, fat men, exploiters of the worker. • tc. —looked at one another and smiled. The Anglo-Indian could not under- ' stand. "Hut you have just sent back a strong majority against Labor. - ' he argued. "They are not so much against Labor . as all that." explained one of them. "How many votes do you think the Government would have got on -that policy?" asked another. "Everybody who's against Labor," 1 replied the astounded Anglo-Indian. The Aussies smiled again. "It might have scared up 100 votes in the whole Commonwealth." observed one Aussie, "but I doubt it." "What a damned remarkable country*." observed the Anglo-Indian. He sat down and called for a peg. The effort, towards understanding had been severe, and called for stimulant. Another thing that beats the AngloIndian is the fact that the Australian opponents of Labor is ready to credit I>abor with any virtues and its leaders with any qualities of intellect and ability. To him the actual leaders of Labor, past, and present-, are simply ignorant, loud-mouthed, soap-box orators. That the potential political captain may evolve from the ranks of manual work seems to him something more than heretical—something at once miraculous and impious. "What I would do with Australia," announced another of the Anglo-In-dians, "is to let Labor have power—real political power—that would fix them up." "Right," agreed another, with a chuckle, "they wouldn't know where they were." It was pointed out to their .surprise that Labor had enjoyed many years of power in the Federal -Parliament since the Commonwealth was inaugurated in 1900. and that at one period the Federal Government and five of the State Governments were controlled by Labor at the same time. The Anglo-Indians caught their breath. "Then what did they do?" asked the first to recover. "I suppose they had to go round to some of the other side to assist them in the administration of affairs." Australians looked at one another again. "Well, as far as administration goes, I had no kick against Billy Hnghes." "Nor Fisher." "Nor Chris. Watson;" "But I thought you were opposed to Labor," protested the Anglo-Indians in chorus. "So we are," one Australian tried to explain. "We're against Labor's inter- J ference; we're against Labor's failure to control their owif men or carry out I their own Act, and we're against a lot of their proposals; but there wasn't much wrong with their administration. * They were much the same as the others." "You astound me," cried the nearest Anglo-Indian. - The others did not speak. Later, " when they grouped about another peg. one was heard to remark "What strange people these Australians ap- ' pear to be." \ , ] "Wait till you get back home," chip- j ped in a stranger who had hitherto been silent. "Ydu'H never be done wondering what strange " people the I -English seem to me. There's been a ' war on since you left, old top, and.you ~ won't be allowed to forget it if you want to." . \ t