AMERICA'S BEST JOKER.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXVI, Issue 10966, 5 January 1912, Page 6

AMERICA'S BEST JOKER.

BANKER WHOSE HOBBY IS TO TRICK NEW YORK.

"About this time look out for Brian G. Hughes—practical joker." The New York almanacs have not yet reached the stage of inserting this note among their autumn and winter leaves, -but that only shows almanac editors are not always abreast of the times. - What is will be this time - nobody ; knows, but everybody is expectant, - for • B. G. H. is the greatest annual -.laugh-; provoker in the country.v He ; ; is > wealthy. banker, somewhere between 60, and 70 years old, and he owns a lot ;ofproperty. On it are tacked: signs which:: read' "Not- for sale." Visitors-to; New; York : run.' against these signs; occasionally, and-:wonder what they mean. Their origin was a dispute Hughes i had with ■ the . city of New. ' York sdme years, ago. . He occupied the olcT Centre Market Building, owned by -the city, and-- "he wanted to buy it?, / offering £65,000.. The. city refused .to sellThereupon Hughes placarded the windows- witlr large .signs, .reading ■ Not fok sale.". People _hegan" to wonder why the city was thus proclaiming, its indention of -retaining its property. ; Scores of citizens; wrote to -the- City* Coinptrol-. lei'; asking , the reason_ for - the. signsr The Comptroller was mystified, too. sent for Hughes. ■ . ~ "What" do yon mean by .placarding city-property 'Not for sale 1 ?" l<i asked. "Then "it is for sale?"-" inquired. Hughes politely. "No!" 'thundered the Comptroller: "We.have told you many'times it'isn't for sale." . ' i l : Well,-then, I'lh. just-advertising .the : fact for ;you,. and: it :isn?t rcostiiig- yjgu , a cent. People won't ,ask you' to sell lit, hereafter,". remarked-Hugh.es. i -When" he- moved, he went" into another - city-owned V structure, :■ the" Jeffei>:.., son Market Building, where his office now is. The city refused-to sell himthe; second building also,, and so - it, top, - iis ■ labelled .with :: the. ."N.ot.for sale" signs. > Huglies liked, this- joke so ;.much. tha)> he took to' plastering "Not for sale" signs on all his property.. Sometimes he runs up the sign on .someone else's property. - One of Hughes' jokes was perpetrated during a heaiiiy snowstorm. He stuffed one of his old suits with straw, and buried it at night in a snowdrift,. in front of his office. . The-: next, morning he ordered one of his men to. shovel the snow away.- A few moments later-the man rushed'in with the news-that tlie.re was a dead man in the snow.. A "policeman was summoned,- and started to; dig a little further. Hughes suggested to :him that- it was a case "for ;the- coroner. The policeman; was impressed. . He sent for the coroner, and for a: police wagon to remove the body.:. An immense crowd gathered, and pushed round the officials as they began .to dig. When they liad uncovered the prostrate figure .as far as the waist, one of the diggers felt its heart. He gave a grunt, beckoned the others, and without a word they got into the wagon, and drove off. . Several years ago Hughes, bought a stray cat from - a- bootblack for sixpence. It was about time for the annual cat show to be held at Madison-sq.uafe Garden. Hughes fed up the cat, named it Nieodemus, wrote out a. pedigree for it dating back almost "to the sacred felines of the Pharaohs, and entered it at the cat show. The judges were so impressed with the pedigreeand the expensive trappings with which Hughes surrounded the animal, -that they gave it first prize, carrying a £lO - trophy, in one of the male- classes. It was a double joke on the judges, for. Nieodemus a- few weeks later>gave .birt'li>;to a litter of kittens. : . Hughes once bought an old, worn-out-' tramcar horse for £2 ;10s.;' He-had it treated in his own stables,.-until'its ribs no longer were visible, and entered it at the fashionable -New;;York .horse-show.; He named it "Puldeka: Orphan,"-and put it in a flower-decked 'stall, at the show, attended' by two. grooms in resplendent livery. .Of twenty-five entries, "Puldeka Orphan" , was one. of the= seventeen that triumphantly achievedthe arena, having passed -the examination oi- form. He was entered as a saddle horse, and Mr Hughes!, da ugh-: ter mounted him to show his paces to the judges. . . - ; j. . Miss Hughes,- however, is something of a joker herself. " L T nknomi: to her father she thought the horse-might .go better if he could liear the sound _of bells which - are attached to the of the few tramcar animals remaining in New York. The bells tinkled, and caused much mystification to ' the judges." They -investigated, and smelled a rat. One of them, saying over the horse's name, suddenly discovered .that, it sounded like "pulled a car often.". • The judges did some quick thinking,, and Hughes' entry did not duplicate the feat of his cat.

. Another'of Hughes' jokes was to offer to the city a tumble-down building which lie "owned. He wrote a formal letter, saying the building had housed: "General Washington, General; Lafayette, .Garibaldi., and Jenny LLnd, and,: in the hands of a restorer could : ba. made of great historic: interest." The city .was about to accept, - wlien President Drummoud, of the ArchaeologicalSociety, was consulted. Drummoud said ■the matter, could safely be left to him.: He sat clown and wrote a letter to. Hughes, saying:— . . "It is against our principles to accept a gift without making a quid pro quo. We shall be glad .to take- the valuable, historic- dwelling you condition ■ that -you permit us to give yon in ex-' change the building opposite the foot of 108 th stfeet. You will find it an excellent home for the remainder, of : your, life."

Hughes thought lie had won completely, until it occurred to him to examine the-building ■so - generously, off ered_ him'.. He did so, and found it was a lunatic asylum. This: was:the latest of his jokes. As it did not-.turn.out;ex-, actly in accordance with his expectations, he has got .'to get even with thenest effort, and so ]New . York is particularly anxious to know what the new form of tlie Hughes humor: . will be like. ' - -