BARIV BARNES.

NZ Truth, Issue 151, 9 May 1908, Page 5

BARIV BARNES.

THE MARITAL MISERIES OF

A BALLOONIST.

Advertised For m the Missing

Friends Column.

Going to Have Another Attempt

at Happiness.

The balloon and parachute business doesn't pan out enough to warrant the risk of drowning m the harbor, or impalement on a church steeple, or reduction to a mass'of pulverised flesh on the city pavement, and when an aeronaut adds matrimony to his indiscretions he wants his head read. Professor Sidney %Hitchell Barnes started out to make a fortune m the Dominion, but luck and the elements were against him, and having dropped all - his coin and picked up a missus m his travels, he is willing to take on any sort of odd job for a, crust, and the balloon business is ofi. In a moment of mental aberration die married a Wellington girl whose frojj,t names are Mary Elizabeth, two monikers so brutally antagonistic to each other m royal history that it is not astonishing the victim so afflicted should have a crook run of bad luck m the best years of her life. The interesting event took place m the Empire City m December last, and the twain proceedto various places m pursuit of wealth, per lalloon. Ashburton, whose becrloss condition is gradually robbing the inhabitants' of the capacity for feeling amused at anything, provided the last straw, and the dispirited professor had to borrow £1 from his wife early m February to get out of the place. The lady went to live with her sister >m the arid town, and Barnes departed for Christchurch, promising to send for his weaker half as soon as he could get enough cash. The missus says she didn't hear from him subsequently, and' advertised for a stray parachutist m THE "MISSING FRIENDS" COLUMN of a newspaper. Also the'police were taken into her confidence, and had no difficulty m locating hubby m Wellington, where he was disposing of his property, ostensibly for the purpose of clearing out of the .country. Mary Elizabeth accordingly hadhim arrested for wife desertion, and sued him separately for maintenance. He was dragged before the S.M. Court at Waimate, of all places m the world, and the lady produced her marriage certificate. Barnes directed attention to the fact that the marriage date on the document had been put back from December to July. The wife interposed that the husband and, wife did jointly and severally and mutually alter the date from December to July for a certain unspecified reason. The reas* on might have just as well been given, as the gossips will supply one to their own satisfaction and talk about it with more than ordinary persistence and bitterness by reason of the concealment. . Barries swore that his wife did it alone, then altered the date back to December again for the purpose of these proceedings. The parchment- must be getting very thin on the spot where thp date is. The woman acknowledged that liubbv had written to her from -Wellington tc. the effect that he was having, a hard, time of it. Ballooning isn't what it's cracked up to be. He expressed the charitable wish that she would make the besi. of it. Also, he had remarked to her, doubtless with the cruel expression of "The Face' at the Window," that if j sho ever went against him he ."/on Id dt, for her. Barnes stated, m effect, that he struck Wellington about the time when Dame Fortune had swallowed a hairpin, and he got a considerable buffeting m consequence. The romance departed from the balloon ascent, and the thrill of the par- ■ achute drop evaporated m thin air at the/ critical moment. He was compelled to sell his balloon and sundries to pay exes, and dow owed £7 for board and lodgings. Being a courageous arid resourceful individual, he applied for a billet on the trams, and meantime took on a job wood-lumping m a timber yard at £2 8s a week. There was no poetry about the occupation, but three square meals and a bed compensated for lots of things. He didn't desire to desert bis missus, but wanted to live with her. Unfortunately SHE WAS A DISILLUSIONED WOMAN and found she couldn't float with him through cloudland above the eyes of an enthusiastic : multitudc, and familiarity had revealed him to be a prosaic person, void of heroic qualities ; wherefore she didn't want to live with him any more. He was willing to allow her ,ten bob a week if that was the case. He had been arrested at a timber job and the boss had refused to keep it open for his return. Added to this was the disgrace and inconvenience of a fortnight m gaol. In reply to Beak Hutchcson, lawyer Middleton, for the woman, said there were reasons why she refused to resume cohabitation with Barnes. His Worship considered the man had been hardly dealt by, and dismissed the charge of wife desertion. Also he couldn't make an order for maintenance on the evidence. Barnes was willing to live with his wife, but he had been put m prison while engaged m work ancl seeking more remunerative toil. He advised the parties to tait the matter over and let bygones be bygones —a most sensible suggestion. This recommendation was acted upon, and the Court was informed later that the principals would make another attempt to live happy ever afterwards.