SHORT STORIES

New Zealand Times, Volume LII, Issue 12199, 25 July 1925, Page 16

SHORT STORIES

WHY HE gave it up They were discussing golf in the smokeroom pf the village inn. Presently one of the speakers addressed* man who was sitting quietly alone in the background. "You are a Scotchman,” he said. "Don't you play golf?” "I, used to,” the Scotchman replied, "but I gave it up twenty years ago.” Why was that?” "I lost my ball.” THE REASON WHY Having matters ore tty much his own way, it was -not difficult for the head of a flourishing business to install his son just out of college as one of the dimetors of the concern. "Big position for a youngster," suggested a friend. "Pretty fair." \ ' •' "Whv don’t yon start him at the bottom?” "Because I don’t think he’d ever get any further," was' the candid repj^. THERE WAS -NO CASE - A married conple were knocked down by a motor-car. The car dashed away. The police arrived and found the couple bursting with indignation. "Do yon know the number of the car?” asked the policeman. “Yes,' replied the'husband; "by a strange coincidence the first two numbers formed my age and: the second two the age of mv wife.” "John.” said the wife, we’ will let the matter drop at once!" ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT Two strangers in a first-class railway carriage had got into friendly conversation. The windows had just been let down on account of the closeness of the day, and -the desultory chatter turned to the subject of ventilation. "I make it," 6aid one of the paesengers, "an invariable practice to advise people to sleep with their bedroom windows open all the vear round." "Ha, Tip!” laughed the .other; “I perceive you are a doctor!” "Not at al»!" was the confidential reply. "To tell von the truth, strictly between ourselves. I am—a burglar}" MAKING SURE OF IT A man deposited jfltOO in a bank. A few Weeks later he approached the cashier and demanded, his money. The cashier asked him if he didn't'want to leave a small, balance. "No,” persisted tho man, "I want'.my money." So the cashier - counted out £IOO - in notes and handed them to him. By this time a line of people, had collected, all anxiously awaiting their turn. The man counted the money very carefully. When fie had finished hd handed the notes back to the cashier and said “Here, put it back. I r just ; wanted to see if it was all there."; . AN OMINOUS REMARK Jones had lost his fourth wife, bnt it was not. long before it was understood that he had picked out his fifth, who was some thirty years Bill’s junior. One day a friend met him and said:— "Well, Bill, I suppose getting married comes natural to you by' this time, doesn't it?” "Well." said Bill, aftgr due reflection, "tliis fifth marriage , ain’t going to seem, so natural. Parson Beggs is off on a trip, and he’s never failed to tie the knot for me. I said to Mary that I didn’t think it would feel like a wedding without Parson Beggs; but she said it was her turn to choose, and she meant to start off with that young minister that had just come to town, and that if he aid well she’d stick to him. She didn’t explain what she meant, but it sounded ominons to me.” ' DOING HIS BIT During, a recent prohibitionist plebisicito ■ in Ontario, a nrominent . Ottawa man. who is an ardent prohibitionist, was surprised by a visit at his office of his small bare-legged son. "Hullo, young man,” the father said. "What brought you to town?” "I was in a parade,” the little bov said proudly. “What parade?” asked the father. "I don’t know,” he answered; "but T carried a b ; g sign.” "What was, oh the sign?” asked the man curiously, and almost collapsed ns his son replied: " “Mv father's a drunkard! I've got no shoes!”' ; TOO FULL FOR WORDS An old carter in a certain village l ad a rare fund of eloquence. One dav Jamie was driving a CRrt loaded with sand up a steep hill, when same mischievous bovs, seeing their opportunity, knocked the tailboard out of the cart, ana then, taking a short Cut..' reached the top of the hill to hear whal JnnUe wonld say when he arrived there.. When the cart got to the top Jamte drew re-n. filled his nine, and then sanntered round to see that everything was in order. When ho got to the hack, and* saw what' had taken place, his eyes passed from the empty cart to the expectant children. “Bun nin’ ” go mid. "i’m_ a—a' Uame- I'm no’ equal to the opcasio*-.