NEW YEAR HUMOURS

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 6745, 17 February 1909, Page 7

NEW YEAR HUMOURS

FBOM ODB OWN-, COEBESPOOTENT. LOiSDON, January 8. T>he town-crier, or bell-man, ■ still exists in remote parts of this country, and.a member of this ancient'calling provided soras folk with . a good deal of humour in a little Scottish village' in which I found; myself on New Year's Eve. At the cost of one shilling, a wag, who was visiting the place, engaged the crier .to go round the village with the following announcement: "The Home Fleet will shoot off their seachlights' this evening, and if you take my advice you'll all keep your beds." The simpleminded bellman faithfully discharged his ridiculous mission, with the result that when night fell the hillside over looking the sea was black with people on the watch for the seardh-lights of the Fleet.. Of course, nothing happened—there were no search-lights, and no fleet. And when the people remonstrated with the_ town crier " he latter replied: "I advised ye to keep your beds, but. ye wudna tak' nnv advice." Nor could anybody, induce him to divulge the name of the joker wio commissioned him to go round with tho message. It was the- same wag who, at the timo of the opening of the Druco tomb a year or two ago, paid the village

bellman to go round with this remarkable message:—"The Druoe tomb is open, and there's a man in it, and that's mair than can be said o' tho Government!", Tho .humorist who concocted thjs proclamation intended it mainly for.the benefit of his uncle, a statimh supporter of tho Liberal Government, win occupied a house further tho street. But the uncle turncd/the tables rather neatly, for when he- heard tho proclamation outside his'"door, he promptly persuaded the bellman to alter it by the addition of a word, so that it ran as follows:—"Tho Druce tomb's open, and there's ,'a man in 't; 7 arid that's mair than can be said o' the Government." And that was the message which the bellman carried round tho village.: ' The the, evening on New Year's Night,was a dance in the village hall. The young men sat stiffly on one side'of the hall* the girls "on tho other 'side. Nobody spoke, nobody moyedfj* until the M.C. gave the word. Then,,!there was a sudden drive across the Ijall on the part of. the., lads, and still without saying a word, each grabbed a lady and stood up for the dance. *lt was one of those old country dances in which e-verybody changes partners several times, and just as thai.-music ceased one . young man found iQiimself the partner of a lady whom ho did not know.' Bowing with wdiat w'as intended to be the utmost courtesy,- he remarked solemnly, "Weel, a'U juist leave ye to find a seat for yersel'!" And away he stalked, leaving the young lady to make her own way back to the other end of hall,