A FEW REMARKS.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 6492, 11 April 1908, Page 5

A FEW REMARKS.

(By “U 9.") So many heroes of eminence havs written about heroism that 'n mere dabbler in the tack-strewn paths of scribble does not.like lo lr 11 people that lie, too, is a hero, and can write about it. This way: A severe person peers through tho cloud of tobacco smoko ami says, ’’Look liere. TTJ/ what about that column of vouiof ' ■lt is 11.‘15 ou Friday night and the public of JNew Zealand has determined to sit up all night waiting for *’a lev/ itemarks/* Tho temptation to throw work to tho wiml® and to si end uu tuo rest of the afternoon and evening in the bosom of one’® family is But one come® of a race that won Waterloo and broke tho Bank at Monto'Carlo, and has to think of half a million eager people waiting to wallow in one’s inkdrops. Thereforeone. is brave—a , hero. Kot, of course, that “140" is the only hero in Wellington. Consider the pathetic circumstanced mid or which a mayoral candidate is dragged from his bachelor retreat and made to prance for tho benefit- and amusement of the populace. It is to admirable. On the,one hand a bright fire, warm slippers, and volumes of “Little Folk®," ‘'Our. Dote," and "Chatterbox," and on tho other an adoring populace’ which insists that one should .perforin as if. one were bought and paid for, to be at the beck'and bidding of tho crowd.

Heroism is inherent iu our race. The tradesman who sells hi® goods at loss than cost price and buys a sheep station with the money ho loses is a hero, Ha immolates himself on tho altar of uneelfishnesss,' just as a gentleman whoso tastes are all for fireside, lemonade, and "Our Dots," abandons tho sereno' delights of slipper© for the hobnailed boots of municipal politics. There is tho heroism of tho youthful son of a great politician (many politicians htivo married). The politician's 1 wife had two children. One .was Jack, the other May. She also had two pieces of plans- - pudding—one piece : largo and plummy and tho other small and fruitless. “Now, Jack," she said, ;“ono pieco i» for May and tho other for you. Which! will you have?" "Well," replied the dsoy, “you know what cowards girls are* May hates stomachache." In his unselfishness that boy may yet become* Mayor of Wellington. .

What could be more touching than the heroism r of women P You cannot recall the story 1 of the heroic wife because it has never yet been told. ? Sh<v poor soul, had not had a holiday in the. two years of her married life. Generous James, the husband, told her sho looked pale and tired, and suggested that a fortnight's holiday with him at Naples might her up. They could bask In tho shade of the geraniums and listen 1 to a speech. £rora< Sir William HussolLijow characteristic was her reply. /‘Darling, I will, not go. Consider tho espouse, and .you .want a new suit so badly. You heed the change so much more than I, you poor, overworked dear* You go, and I will stay at home and pray for your safe return (etc.)" . . * . "Really?" - ’ j ’ The manly eyes smiled and the moustache beneath twitched with love and amusement. • "Yes—George." f •<» # • ■ *; JaWs wondered, why his poor, pale, unselfish’' Wife- didn't- write. But how could she post a letter in mid-ocean ? . Deviating momentarily from tragedy, do you ever read the advertisements in the daily, papers? I have always believed, that the "Wanted" advertiser meant well, but his .method of expressing his bona fides is frequently quaint, ■ Take this eanjple: "Girls leaving school Wanted (Upper case "W," Mr Operator, if you please), clean, respectable;: good f at tho neodlo.—Apply siae*-door, etc." ;To the .Master of Mental Science tins* advertisement means much more 'than appears on tho surface. It suggests that little girls of New Zealand,, leaving State schools, are not necessarily 1 respectable. It also suggests that if little girls of tho New Zealand State schools are not respectable, they will say .so in the application they make at the side door. It further suggests that among State school, children there arc* Those whose personal habits are such thatVndap :)s" luxury, and That* 1 applicants* foi*' sowing work will (1) Tell the. advertiser if they are respectable, (2) if they use soap, (3) whe-, thor they are going to school or. coming back, and (4) several othdr things not provided for in the advertisement. Then there was this advertisement: "Wanted a man to drive a sand-cart."' It is definitely known that , timber re very -dear- at tho moment, due undoubtedly to file fact that trees refuse •to grow in accordance with the speed of city ,rents,dr tI IG price of butter. What Imarvels' or engineering shall come into .play to .enable,, anyone xto construct n curt out of sand are'beyond the comprehension of the average citizen. Then again, "Wanted a woman to wash Tuesdays." Mariners and othpr folks froquently speak‘of a "dirty day," but whether Tuesday wants washing more, than any other day cannot be ascertain-' cd* on a careful perusal of tho Now Zeeland Year Book. ■ Then of-course, there is the classics 1 "‘A Christian young woman wants washing." One cannot doubt that a Christian ■ young woman ■ would ©peak 1 the truth.

. Naturally the above remarks remind mo of a true story. A squatter bad a. largo fencing contract, and in his advertisement setting out the fact, he. being Scots, hurled the historic insult at all Hibernians,’ "No Irish need apply." The prices came in all right, and as the lowest tender came from Duncan Macgrcgor, it ; naturally followed that Mr JJ.M.’s tender was accepted. Next morning, a Chinese ‘ came along and asked audience, of theisquatter. He waa duly admitted. The'Chinese asked Mr Mae nli-car «m when he (the Chinee) should r start the fence. Ho was the "Duncan Macgregor". of the lowest tender. Arid talking about Scots squatters reminds again .that,one of the largest sheep-owners in a certain section of that great. lone land,'South Australia, is a Chinese who married a black-gin. No person knowing “Johnny Ah Hang" has ever'refused his (cheque. One of JohnnyV sons ih the .early.;days was a great runner. He was;blacker than a dresscoat.. At some races run in Port Eiliston,* South Australia, this scion of a squatting family absolutely refused to run in the Sheffield Handicap ■ because a full-hloodej aboriginal had entered. .“You 1 don't, catch me," said Harry Ah Hang, "running with a measly black fellow:" Arid if. seems that the aristocratic principle dominating the sombre Harfv is the principle which will alwavs make equality impossible.