LOBBY AND GALLERY

New Zealand Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 5732, 30 October 1905, Page 7

LOBBY AND GALLERY

SIDE LIGHTS. Tho session is nearly at an end. Do yon understand? Or do you think that this in merely another selection from tho political phonograph? Tliey-vo done talk —talk —talk—talking over everything ! Chat—chat—chat—chut—chatter over everything ! (Words —words —words—words. swelling up and down again 1) There's no discharge Horn tho Jaw ! Don’t—don’t—don’t—don’t—think of what they’ve done for you, (Words—words —words—words. swelling tip and down again !) Men— men—men—men—men go mad from hearing ’em, ‘ And there's no discharge from the Jaw! Try— try—tn—try—to think of something different O—tiier—wise—you’ve— a chance of going lunatic, (Words—word s—word s—wo rein. swelling up and down again!) There's no discharge from tho Jaw ! We—have—sut—for—months, and we can certify It—is—not—drink—spiders, snakes or anything But words'— words—words—words—swelling up and down again. And there’s no discharge from the Jaw! No discharge because the elections aro on top of us! The week was devoted to cleaning up, and hath Houses have worked hard. Members are fagged, and they look it, and they make no secret of it. Alter tho supper adjournment in tile Lower House it has been difficult to keep a quorum, and generally a quorum is maintained by one or two members who obligingly go into the Chamber to sleep. On Monday there was a little flutter of activity in' the air by tile section that carried on last week’s stonewall. .Another stonewall was expected on the Electric Lines Rill, but Sir Joseph AVnrd, who was in charge of tho bill, heard tho rumblo of tho thunder) and got to cover before the rain fell. Air Moss, particularly, seemed disappointed, ami rose to say some things about the bill that might have dragged forth an argument. The Premier checked it. “Go and grow cootuuiuts,” ho said to Air Moss, ami. tho House that knew tho application of cocoannts to tho member for Ohinemiiri laughed. Speaking ol stonewalls, it is worth recording that Mr Mess was presented on Wednesday night with a silk hat, in recognition of his efforts during last week’s stonewall. Also ho was given an illuminated address, to mark tho clever humour ho managed to dress tho long stonewall in.

Early in the week there was a grand revival of that well-known comedy, ‘Tho Premier’s Hostility to Wellington.” It arose over the Hutt Railway and Rond Improvement - Bill, and was continued when tho Wellington City Streets Bill was before the connection with tho latter hill, tho Wellington representatives—at least Messrs Aitken and Duthio, for Air Fisher is more a mimic than a representative—out of pure habit, said their usual piece about tho hostility, etc., regarding .a new clause. Mumble, inmnole, mumble! ‘‘Sir. the hostility of tho 1 leaner to Wellington has led tho citizens to boro a hole through Alonnt Victoria so that they can escape rapidly to the sandhills at Lycll Bay on the approach of tho Premier, whoso hostility,” etc. “Sir, tho hostility of Air Seddon to this city is shown by the very severe winter wo have had.” “Sir, tho well-known hostility of tho Premier to the city that refuses to return his candidates has caused a blight amongst tho new season’s pumpkins,” and, “Sir, if the Premier had not been so determined in his hostility to Wellington, the Germans would not have won the Battle of Onlloden by two tries to a potted goal.” It has grown so monotonous that nobody oven smiled when Air Barber rose and pointed out in a mild way that the clause these members were objecting to was tbo result of tho action ’ of the Wellington City Council itself!

On Tuesday tho Lower House had tlio Loan Bill—and a small riot. The point tho Opposition people pride themsolves on is finance—they can not bo led astray. Air James Allen is export No. 1, and ho has with him Messrs Duthio, W. Fraser, and Fishor (The Alan Who Knows Everything). Now it happens that Mr Allen has talked and talked about tho wicked financial methods of tlio Government, and prophesied again and again that ouo day tho Pawn-shop that Lends us Money would grow-suspicions and finally smito us with the bundle or mortgages it holds over our sticks but that bogey is no longer feared. Won has been cried too often. The Pawnshop continues to rub its bands every year when wo como along, and says it is glad to SCO us, and asks after tho baby, and says wo'ro looking ns young as ever, so that Mr James Allen has become discredited, and nobody listens to him. Perhaps this had dawned upon him; because bis speech npon this week’s Loan Bill was up above anything wo have had from him for a long time in point of bitterness. He grow very excited, and became personal—and to become personal is to bo lost. When tho Premier’s patience gavo out, and ho, too, became personal, the indignation that bubbled frofei tbo outraged Opposition members was ono of those things which are a remembrance of joy for over. It was tho old bat-kicking story. ’All tho tun o’ tho fair in kicking tho other fellow’s “ cadey,” but when ho commences to kick yours! “ Gee!” as tho Americans say. There is a party ill tho House and a section of tho community labouring under tbo impression that tho Premier and other members of tho Ministry aro unfortunate hares in the open with nil tho game laws off.

The language used during that debate was anything but polite, and, as a matter of fact, it was further proof of tho Parliament's degeneracy in respect to language. At tho present rate it will not bo long before the language of tho “ push ” is used. Galleryites will hear something like this:— "Strike mo crimson. Hr Speaker, the bloke that Inst sat down la as sweet a kind of bounder as you’d meet around tho town; He’s a cove that I may mention Give’s his thirst his whole attention— He is king of all the boozers —ho should wear a pewter crown. “He’s as handsome as a monkey, and as brainv us a spado; He’s been bagged in every twq-np school where there has been a raid; He would rob his poor old mother. Or bis father, or his brother — , ,He would lead the whole procession m the crooked gang’s parade! "Sparo me days, sir! Mr Speaker, the joint as drivelled last Is a spicier up from Spieltown—he’s a gnesser with a past! Before I grow- too heated 1 move ho be deleted — A Parliament that holds him is dead to lose it’s cast!

Of course, during tho last week ot a session there is bound to lie a lot of irritation—even the old people up in tho legislative Council have been “rowing’’ amongst themselves and kicking over the hiteliing-straps of decency like a lot ol old Indians. On two different occasions they grew so excited that some of them addressed the empty chair —the .Speaker having vacated it while a bill was to ho taken in committee. Then on Thursday night they metaphorically sand-hugged each oilier over the Shops and Offices Rill (what a lot of trouble has arisen from that hill!) The Labour parly said it wasn’t getting a square deal, and accused tho AttorneyGeneral of rubbing tho opinion and desire of tho Council in tho mud. Then it reached round for the AttorneyGeneral’s friends, tint! said they’ had as much back-bone as a rubber hose, and were a job lot generally. Upon that the Attorney-General ami his friends said the Labour party was very insulting, and Hon T. Kelly said they were “ individuals,’’ in tho tone adopted by tho lady who speaks of the “young person ” who does tho housework, and tho Hon -Mr Jones said the Hon Mr Tra

was, in effect, a sweater, and drew attention to his personal appearance, and tho Hon Mr Trask replied that if tho Hon Air Jones was hacking for trouble he’d get it. AVhew! The old ’inis aro nob dead yet! There are several of them who could write a book entitled, “ How to bo Nasty in Your Own Home in Live Lessons. Instructions Sent Securely Scaled horn Observation. Thousands ot Testimonials from tho Most Accomplished Reprobates of the Day.”

Rut, after all, what docs it matter? As Mr AVI Poro said on Tuesday, “.since wo live so short' n time why should wo worry so much ?” The session has almost ended. W’has' more is worth say-