IN LIGHTER VEIN.

New Zealand Times, Volume LVIX, Issue 2875, 18 July 1896, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

SHE WAS NOT BOOKY. They were standing close by one of the hook shelves in the Free Library. He was thin and studious-looking, and she was buxom and brainless, but evidently bent on impressing her escort. “How do you like * People We Pass’?” he asked as he turned over tho leaves of a book of stories of life among tho masses of London. “ Well, you know,” she began, “ I really don’t pay much attention to them unless I see a real handsome dress or some man more distinguished than another. I expect 1 am rather heedless,” she added, hurriedly, as she saw a tired look come into his face. Then he picked up another book. “I am extremely fond of ‘Beauties of Kuskin/ aren’t you?” “ Indeed I am,’* she replied, heartily, feeling that she was at last on safe ground. “But I don't know yet which I most admire • —his eyes or his hair!” And then he said, “ Let’s go.” TOO OFTEN TRUE. Miss Thorndon (to her brother): Do you know, Fred, that no fewer than four men want to marry me ? Fred: All right, sis, may the beat man win! Miss Thorndon: You don’t know much about such things. A bride does not marry the best man, BEFORE AND AFTER. . “ Seen Jones lately ?” he' queried as they got ou tho Newtown car together. “ Not for three months.” “ But I thought he was in the habit of dropping into your office every day or two,” “ Ob, yes; but that was before he borrowed a fiver of me 1” A GOOD NAME FOE IT. “My bicycle has been injured in the windpipe,” said Gildersleeve. “ What on earth is a bicycle’s windpipe ?” asked Tillinghast. “The very part that ia on earth, the pneumatic tube.” . HEARD AT A WELLINGTON BALL. Mr Stilby: Really, Miss Chatter, I don’t see how you find so much to talk about. I am very glad to have been introduced to you. It is a pleasure to hear an original person talk. Miss Chatter: Yes, our hostess said she thought we would get on nicely together. I think people of opposite characteristics are always likely to be congenial, don’t you?

CONVINCING PROOF. “ Was that bowl you just broke cut glass, Hannah ?” " Was it, mum ? Look at me fingers 1" TWO EPOCHS. In the honeymoon ; Let me sit by yon, darling, while you pour the tea. I love to, watch your white hands toying with the cups. Next season; What does the maid mean by not putting aj other leaf in the table ? We might as well be sitting in each other’s laps, &c., &o.

A TEACHER WITHOUT SELFRESTRAINT, Belle; I understand that Ned Hardlag is teaching you to whistle. How aro you getting on ? Nell: Oh, well, I can't whistle much as jot. You see, Ned always interrupts just as soon as I have puckered up my lips. DIABOLICAL. Mrs Johnson: Hateful, stuck-up thing! How proud she was of that now dress of hers. She would hardly look at mo; but 1 got oven with her! Mrs Jackson : How did you do it ? Mrs Johnson: Oh, I told my servant girl where she could get a dress just like it. A RESEMBLANCE. Mr Dude; I was thinking how much I resemble your carpet—always at your foot, you know. Miss Sly: Yes, you aro very much like my cai*pet. I am going to shako it soon. NOT AS A SISTER. " Do I love George r” mused Clara, softly, "or is it simply a sister’s affection that 1 feel for ” Just then Bobby burst noisily into the room and interrupted her sweet meditation. “Get out of here, you noisy boy!” she shouted, and, seizing him by the arm. she shot him through the door. “Ah, no!” she sighed, as she resumed her interrupted train of thought; “my love for George is not a sister’s love. It is something sweeter, purer, higher and holier!” ON EVEN LINES. In the olden days many a good Scotchman fought in the ranks of La Belle Franco. A MacDonald, whose sword had won for him a captaincy, while at mess with his brother officers, was jeered at by a provincial major

for a foreigner. “ Dah,” exclaimed the sneerer, “ you beggarly Scots but light fi*r fjolcl.” “ And what fights my brother Frenchman forP" exclaimed Mac. “For honour,” exclaimed the Frenchman. “ Wall, well, man,” coolly replied the Scot, as ho emptied his glass, “we both are fighting to gain what we need the most.” PERT. Miss Antique; How gray you are gelling lately, my dear. Why, 1 have not a single gray hair! Miss Passoe : So I perceive. Do tell mo what you use P