LESE MAJESTE

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1747, 30 August 1905, Page 15

LESE MAJESTE

(By O. <O. Cabot in “Melbourne Punch.”) (“There have been 319 statues of the Kaiser erected in Germany to date.*’— “News Item.”) The Kaiser stood cm the quarter-deck Of the battleship Grosser Worst (Yvinch means Great Sausage), and never a speck Of dirt on his vision burst! Said he, “Yo-heave-ho, my Frankfort •-tarsi ' ‘ Now, listen awhile to me; By the Watch on the Rhine it is halfpast niue, . Put out —put out to sea!”

They headed, the Grosser Wuist for the North; Her screws up the tide. . “We will sweep the deep when we sally forth I’* The arrogant Kaiser cried. They came u> the strand at Heligoland, A.nd anohoreu out in the x*hy (That laie of the sea once belonged to we, • • But Salisbury gave it away).

The German fleet looked clean and ■ neat, - ? Ann tne Wurst was the best of the lot; Her brass was rubbed, and her decks • were sorubbea, And varnished were all the shot; Her flags were out, and the sauerkrout ’ ' in . the galley stood .to cool; The Kaiser commands—“ Now, pipe all hands, - While 1 tell them how I rule.”

The hands came a-ft, and the Kaiser Laugli-ed, And cried, “Yo-ho! Heave-ho! My bully boys ail, I’ve a word to say Before you go below. Yout-cj seen me before as a soldier ashore, Blit here I risk the storm, Aired rule the seas wherever I please in an adaxurai’s uniform I

“We’ve sailed to-day all this long, long way, In spite of a howling gale, And I> must Land, wrth my staff and ‘ band, _ My statue to unveil. In uoaihie white by day and night It will look upon the wave; •My noble: ioi*m will front the storm When the sea-winds roar and rave.

“You know, of course, that I ride a horse On my statue at Berlin; That I wear my crown in Hamburg town, , - And a toga at iStettin ; A swerd I wield on the Potsdam field, At Koln I carry a fire — At least a torch —and in Strasburg porch. I pose with a sounding lyre.

“At Bremen —and at C-hemmitz, too — Your Kaiser you will behold As Hercules with his club that slew The Chnnaera of old. But the best of all my statues tall, And the one I really love, Is that at Holtz, where I wield the **■ bolts Of the great Olympian Jove!

“But now —and here you will give three Hochs! — Just take yo-ur time from me —- I stand supreme on mighty rocks As Monarch of the &ea. It well befits the Son of Fritz And Grandson ot M ilhelm One! The Kaiser —I—^wit-h Trident defy That insolent Albion.

“Now, thiree Hochs more- —then get • ashore And wait until I come; • ' * ' And understand. I expect band To blow itself deaf and dumb. t»et a hundred guns be fired for me Ah £ leave the vessel’s side:

Throw oil on the waves that are now my slaves, For I rule the Ocean wide!”

The guns go off—and the Kaiser, He lands upon the pier; The Burgomaster, a German Jew, Receives him, pale with. fear. He bows to the ground, and glances round , . ~ - s' With wild, despairing eye; ; The band ‘bursts out and the sailors shout As the Kaiser passes by. ' ,

He comes to a halt upon the beach ~ By a pile of calico; - He turns about to commence a speech, Beginning with “Yo-beaverho!’ Hiq bosom swells as he proudly tells Of the “German destiny,” And the German might, and the final fight For the mastery of the sea.

And as he ends, around he bends- - A haughty look and slow; And. at the word he pulle the cord Which bind® the calico.- \ ; And down it runs; and the. j oyful guns Boom out on the throbbing air, And a mighty reaj* goes up on shore—- • With a shriek of -deep despair!

The KaiseFs . pride is- .petrified _ On his face —which is growing, bine, Oh, where, was the god with his trident rod, l -V And the rocks and the dolphins, too P Yet high and fair towers a statue there, And carved, right true and, well, ,: And the people note—’tis a large whit* goat „: ■ ... • On a rocky pinnacle, .

The KaiseEs width chocked up hi* speech until he saw the Wurst, With booming guns, beyond the beach— Ah, then, indeed, he curst. “What! take\a trip in a battleship To go and unveil a goat? Ho! let the traitors find their doom. Beneath the Gastle moat! “Am I—the Kaiser—to be mocked? God’s death, this shall not be! Go, slay the dogs l Shall Ibe Hoob-ed And honoured cm the sea, And not upon thi® isle—-this speck? By Frederick the Great,. When once I reach my quarterdeck. ' I Will decree their fate!” " Just then an aide-do-cadnp rushed up, And panted; “Half-a-shake — Great Kaiser, by -the beard of Krupp, Refrain I It’s a- mistake t It seems you said you wished to un- - -veil-' v -- ' A 'statute on this strandAnd Neptune was to be the Flexing to Heligoland. “Well, sire, I learn --ey tried to do Exactly what was right; .. The only Neptune that they knew. Was this——a goat—all white. For twenty years beside these piers He . bleated, playeci -nd red. The day you wrote your Royal note They found poor Neptune—dead I Your- high Imperial will was law; . They also wished to make A nice memorial —as you sawOf Neptune for his sake. They and their children loved the goa*. H-ist fame was widely known — To please you and to honour him, They set him up in stone!” He -ceased. The Kaiser softly curst, And looked upon the. foam, -v’ Then went abroad the Grosser Wurst And headed sitriught for hornet