AN INTERRUPTED JEST

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1716, 18 January 1905, Page 9

AN INTERRUPTED JEST

(By James Gray Waddell.)

It Avas extraordinary; it was incredible; but it was neA r eitlieless a iact. A x..odern Jack Sheppard had arisen in the lieigkbuuilivjou oi Bayton, anti the inhabitants Avexe uneasy in tlieir minus, anti loth to linger upon the roads Avhen the shades of evening nad duscenued. Gooci reason had they, tor it Avas told Avith bated breath how, under coA’er oi darkness, certain belated wayfarers had been held up at the jnstol’s point by a masted man, and relieved ot all their superfluous valuables. Burglaries, to>, of a daring character had been perpetrated at several of the laiger houses belonging to wealthy families, and it was conjectured chat the' same evildoer Avas responsible for both series of enormities. The police Avere at a loss, tlieir efforts to capture the said evildoer having proved entirely abortiA'e, and so a reign of terror bade fair to set in. Ic Avas just like the Honourable Wilton Bilbeck to introduce unpleasant subjects, and this was the one lie chose to dilate upon in the draAving-room at Layton one evening after dinner, it Avas tAvo days before the New Year, and a merry party of some tAvo dozen light-liearced individuals, equally divided as regards sex — Mrs Layton was always careful about such details —was assembled at the Hall to celebrate the festive season. “Tell you Avhat, Colonel,” the Honourable, familiarly knoAvn as ‘‘Horrors,” presumably from bis Aveakness for the Aveird and blood-curdling, “you ought to keep a sharp look-out. This place Avill provide an excellent haul lor our enterprising friend.” The Colonel smiled complacently. He knew, Avliat the others did not, that the adjacent roads Avere being carefully Avatched, and that liis house in particular was under close observation by the guardians of the la\A r . “Good heavens! Mr Bilbeck,” exclaimed a very charging young lady, “you surely don’t-think there-is any chance of that aivful man coming here?” - “My clear Miss Marc hand, nothing more likely,” replied Horrors Avith gusto. “Think of the inducements; a nice, lonely locality, admirably adapted to the designs of the burglariously inclined; silver galore to be had for the picking up; and greatest of all”—this Avith a profound boAV to the ladies —“I see around me a jirofnsion of valuable adornments sparkling under the' light of beauty-. What more could the most exacting burglar desire ?” “Oh, shut up, Horrors, and stop croaking,” struck in Lionel Fenton, a rising barrister. “The ladies Avill be afraid to sleep to-night/’ “They need have no fear; I am here, replied Horrors dramatically-. “Yes/' observed Sir Wilfred HoAvarth, a young baronet of tAventy-three, “but Avhere Avould y-ou be in the time of need ? Hiding under the bed-clothes, most likely. Here’s a porposal—that Horrors be put on sentry—go round the house from nightfall until daylight. Those who approve, hands up !” There was a chorus of laughter, and all hands went up. “Horrors, the appointment is confirmed. . You Avill commence your duties to-morroiv eA-ening.” “And miss dinner! Thanks, I decline the honour,” replied Horrors calmly. “That is unkind. Mr Bilbeck/’ said Hetty Lay-ton, the colonel’s fascinating niece, engaged to the aforesaid baronet. “After friglitening us so, it is the least you can do. We should feel so safer, you knOAv.” “I shouldn’t,” retorted Horrors, impels, turbabiy-. “Hoav would y-ou like to come out in the morning and find me lying staring fixedly at tlie heavens, Avith a hole through my head. I dare not risk bringing everlasting remorse upon y-ou all.” And then, billiards being proposed, they all flocked to the billiard-room, and the burglar question Avas speedily forgotten by all save one—Sir Wilfred Howarth. The baronet Avas afflicted with a perfect craze for practical jokes, Avhich were generally of an elaborate nature, and sad to relate his recent engagement had in no Avise aroused him to the responsibi ities of life. Things Avere usually lively in the circles Avhich he graced; no one kneAV Avhere he Avas going to break out next. In spite of bis little failing h« Avas a universal favourite, for he Avas one of the breeziest, good-natured, rollicking young fellows in existence, and if he did sometimes rouse tbe Avrath of his victims, it Avas of short duration. It was impossible to be seriously angry with him. Now it was most unfortunate that th« subject of footpads and burglars should liav-e cropped up. for the imji of mischief instantly entered into him. He conceived a brilliant and daring scheme, Avhich boded iB for tne comfort of those at the Hall, and Avhich for the remainder of the evening filled him Avith unholy glee. A AA-hist drive had been the following evening, and “apropos” of this, just before retiring, Wilfred remarked— “By the Avay, Horrors, what odds I don’t carry off the prize to-morroAV night?” Horrors fancied himself at Avhist. “Five to one/ he replied promptly. “In sovs. —right you are,” said Wilfred. “Aime else?” “The man’s mad, indubitably-,” remarked Horrors derisively, as he saiv the Avager acc. ‘pted a dozen times over. “You Avon’t say that, my boy, when, you hand me over your fiver,” retorted Wilfred. . When the house ivas Avrapped i” lie sat in liis bedroom thinking deeply, to the accompaniment of an occasional ex-

plosive chuckle. At last he did a curious thing. He slipped noiselessly downstairs to the drawing-room. It was built in a wing of the house, And was connected with a small conservatory by a pair of folding doors covered by heavy portieres. From the conservatory a door gave access to the garden. His errand was evidently to Seoure the key of this outer door, for having deposited it in his pocket he retreated to his own apartment in the same noiseless fashion.

Belford Grange, Wilfred's place, was only some ten miles distant from Layton Hall, and so when, after perusing his letters the following morning, he announced that a matter of business required his presence at home for a few hours, no one saw anything remarkable in the statement. "I am sorry, Wilfred," said Mrs -Layton. “But you will be back to-night, of course. New Year's Eve, remember; we shall want you to keep us lively." •‘Assuredly I shall endeavour to get back in time to keep you lively, Mrs Bayton," replied Wilfred with a smile. "Do you want to scratch that bet ?" asked one of the men. "I think not," answered Wilfred carelessly. "I still intend to win it." ‘‘Pride goeth before a fall," remarked Horrors sententiously. Wilfred laughed. “Sk> it does, old chap. Don't you forget it." Then followed a pretty quarrel with Hetty on account of his desertion on this of all days, and that young lady having turned her back on him in high dudgeon, he borrowed the Colonel's dogcart and set off homewards.

Needless to say, the matter of pressing importance necessitating his presence at Belford Grange was one of his own making, and his advent there caused considerable dismay amongst his domestics, who, in the absence of their master, were anticipating a wind-up to the old year after their own hearts.

Having dismissed the Colonel's dog-cart he sent for John, his coachman, and issued certain instructions which filled that individual with grief, inamuch as he saw himself booked for a long drive in the chilly, evening hours, when he had expected to be much more congenially employed. "Wonder what devil's game the master is up to now," he muttered as he left the room; from which it will be inferred that be possessed a sound knowledge of that gentleman's weakness. This was hardly surprising considering that he had been in the employ of the Howarth family since he was a boy. Consequently tie escapades of the son and heir were by no means a sealed book to him. Wilfred then set about certain preparations of bis own which appeared to afford him much gratification and no little amusement, and to these congenial preparations for the raising of the devil we will for the present leave him.

It was about nine o’clock, and a glorious, frosty, moonlit night. In the drawing-room at Layton Hall the whistdrive was in progress, conducted in the manner of whist drives, with an utter absence of that solemnity of deportment which is considered so necessary an adjunct to the proper playing of the timehonoured game. Its absence was, however, more than compensated for by the gaiety and mirth which reigned supreme, even in face of the unaccountable nonappearance of the rollicking and irrepressible baronet. ‘‘Can't understand wbat's become of him," remarked the Colonel. ‘‘He certainly intended to be her© bofore now." “Poor old Wilf 1 Won't he feel sick at having given us a walk over," said Horrors with a laugh. And then —something happened. An icy chill swept through the room, and the curtains over the conservatory door blew inwards. ‘‘What the deuce!” exclaimed the Colonel, and stopped short—the words frozen upon his lips. The curtain, parted, and a man. stepped quickly into the room. This in itself was sufficiently surprising, apart from the fact that. the man. was masked, and that a revolver in each of his hands covered the awe-stricken beholders. He wore a black slouch hat pulled down over his forehead. A rough overcoat descended almost to his feet, which were encased in heavy-soled boots. His coat collar was turned up to his ears, and the only feature of his face at all visible was a ferocious black moustache. For a moment a death-like stillness descended upon the room. Then realisation came home —it was the visitation they had joked about, accomplished in a manner startling and undreamt of. ‘‘Come, gentlemen," said the intruder in a fierce, gruff voice, ‘‘your watches and money—quickly please. Now then, eit down there," as several of the men jumped to their feet, "sit down, I say unless you want holes drilled in you.' And ■Under the unanswerable argument of the menacing weapons they subsided quickly into then* seats. The Colonel was one of them; he swore softly. His wife was seated near him. "For goodness sake, Arthur,” she said in an agitated whisper, which sounded loudly through the room, ‘‘give him what he wants and get him out of this!" "Colonel," said the masked man, "I congratulate yon on the good sense of yonr partner. you," he singled out the unfortunate Horrors, “collect these gentlemen's watches and whatever money is in their pockets. Hurry up, or I shall begin to shoot, and—l never miss." Horrors rose to his feet, a picture of dismay, and looked helplessly around. The Colonel saw there was nothing for it but submission at present. Afterward !—he ground his teeth. “You scoundrel! I shall live to see you hanged yet," he muttered savagely as he led the way and produced his watch. ‘‘They don't hang in public nowadays, Colonel," grunted the desperado; “and anyhow no remarks of that sort, or my shooters may go off accidentally. Ftsrk out your money as well, and turn out your pockets to show honest Injun." The Colonel looked as though a fit of apoplexy were in immediate prospect, biit nevertheless obeyed, and handing his

watch and money to Horrors, turned out Ms pockets. The same process was repeated with all the men, and when Horrors had gone the round, he had collected a noble array of watches and a goodly store of money. He laid the spoil as he received it on a small table standing in the middle of the room, and having added his own quota, awaited further orders. On the table it may be mentioned, lay the cases containing the prizes for the interrupted whist drive. "Bring that table here," commanded the ruffian, "and no trickery, mind, oi * " A significant gesture with his weapons completed the threat. Horrors obeyed, and retreated to his place with a philosophic shrug, and in common with the others gazed sadly upon the despoiler, as, with a wary eye around him, he carefully wrapped the watches in a large red handkerchief and stuffed them into a capacious pocket. The money vanished into another. Then he picked up one of the cases lying on the table. It contained the ladies' prize, a gold bangle. He closed and replaced it on the table and took up the other, the gentlemen's prize, a set of gold studs and sleeve links. It went the way of the watches and the money.

"That is all, gentlemen," he said, picking up his revolvers. "You will give me credit for not claiming any tribute from the ladies. It is not my custom." This was joyful intelligence to them. They had been anxiously awaiting their tnrn.

"I wish you all a very Happy New Year," he went on, ‘‘and by the way I wouldn't advise anyone to be in too great a burry to follow me. I am apt to turn nasty when closely pressed." Now, there was one individual who, after the first startling moment, had watched this strange scene with the utmost composure and with something almost like a twinkle in her eyes—Kitty Layton. She was seated close to the conservatory doors through which the invaded entered, and being of a particularly observant nature she saw something which no one else noticed—a, ring on the little finger of the man's right hand. It was an incongruity, but it represented more than an incongruity to her. She had seen it before.

As the daring robber vanished, the Colonel sprang up, spluttering forth certain expressions so lurid and sulphurous in their nature that the ladies one and all clasped their hands over their ears in horror. For a moment he appeared intent upon instant pursuit. Then, realising the futility of such a proceeding in an unarmed condition, he dashed out of the room and up the stairs like a whirlwind, reappearing in a few moments with a brace of army revolvers, and an expression on his face which boded ill for anyone who should oppose his path. The whole party were in the hall. “Come on, you chaps," said the Colonel fiercely, 'T am going to hunt the scoundrel down." Heedless of Mrs Layton's tearful expostulations regarding the absurdity of such a wild-goose chase, and replying to Hetty's suggestion anent police with a roar which sounded like "a set of damned idiots," he dashed out and most of the men seized their hats and followed.

They raced down the drive to the lodge at the gates, two hundred yards from the house and battered at the door until the lodge-keeper opened in dir© terror, wb gave Avay to astonishment at the sight of a party of men in evening dress, headed by the Coloruel brandishing a pair of sinister weapons. The situation was explained to him; but he could give no information. He had seen no one, and no one could have entered or gone out by the gate, for it was locked. The chase seemed likely to fizzle out even at this early stage for sheer lack of data upon which to base ita continuance, when suddenly the Colonel espied something through the gates—a pair of stationary lights some distance along the road, evidently the head lamps of a vehicle.

"What the deuce is that!" he exclaimed. "Here, Peter, open the gate." He found a particularly smart dog-cart drawn up at the roadside in charge of a muffled-up individual. ‘What the devil are you doing here?" he asked, considerably surprised. Then, remembering the main errand and the urgency of haste: —"Have you seen anyone on the road during the last few minutes ?"

"No, sir." replied a voice strangely familiar to the Colonel. He peered keenly at the man. "Great Scott!" he exclaimed suddenlj, "it's Johnl What on earth are you Avaiting here for?" “Wlaiting for) Sir Wilfred, Colonel," replied John. "And where the deuce is he ?" asked the astonished Colonel. "He isn't at the Hall, and he hasn't passed through the gates." "Don’t know, Colonel. When he got off he told me to walk the horse about a bit until he came back. I supposed he had gone up to the house." He was discreetly reticent as to Sir Wilfred's undignified mode of entry into the Hall grounds—over the wall. Nor did he think it necessary to mention that just before tfle Colonel's appearance a certain inexplicable sound had come to his ears —the sound of running feet upon the hard road, and not of one pair only, but of several. It arose from a point beyond the lodge and beyond his range of vision, and died aivay in the distance in a manner eminently suggestive of a chaso. The cause being hidden from John, he was left to vain conjecture and a certain suspicion that his master had been hoist on his oAvm petard, of whatever its explosive nature, on this particular occasion.

Several of the more adventurously disposed ladies, Hetty amongst the number, had donned Avraps and joined the men in time to hear of the arrival of Sir W: fred and of his mysterious disappearance.

"It is most extraordinary," said the Colonel perplexedly. "Evidently, for some reason, be did not intend to remain; but where he got anyhoAv ? Cnod heavens!" as a thought struck him,

"suppose he has been waylaid by that scoundrel!"

A blank silence fell upon all. Only Hetty remained unmoved, and she might reasonably have been expected to be the most agitated by such a terrible supposition. But, as has been shown, this wide-awake young lady had already made a pretty shrewd guess at the truth —a part of it at least.

"John," went on the Colonel, "we have been outrageously robbed by a masked man who entered the house and threatened us with pistols. I fear your master may have encountered the miscreant and suffered harm."

“Take your horse up to the house meanwhile, John. Gentlemen, we must organise a search. We may as well get our overcoats first, though; it is infernally cold." And headed by John walking his horse, the party proceeded sorrowfully to the house. To return to Sir Wilfred, for that he was the cause of all this confusion it is unnecessary to state. On the accomplishment of his desperate deed, his first object was to regain his trap, in preparation for the triumphant denouement. It waited him to the right of the lodge, John having received, instructions to avoid attracting attention by passing and repassing. The wall at that point presented difficulties owing to the ground dropping on the inside. Consequently he chose an exit to the left of the lodge where an escalade was camparatively easy.

He scaled the wall, chuckling hugely over the success of his little joke, and dropped to the road, but there a petrifying surprise awaited him. Two men darted out from the shadow of the wall, one,of them exclaiming, “You scoundrel! we've got you at last.” Like a flash he realised what it meant. They were on the look-out for the real miscreant who had terrorised the neighbourhood. Masked as he was—he had omitted to remove the sinister badge of bis assumed calling—and appearing thus in surreptitious fashion, they had jumped to a perfectly justifiable conclusion. Like a flash also he realised the absurdity of bis position if captured, and the awkwardness of explanations, not to mention the shrieking triumph of his unsuspecting victims entailed in such a galling discomfiture. It was not to be borne. The nearest man had already seized his arm. With a quick, desperate movement he wrenched himself free, even as the second man dashed in, and fled—the wrong way, for his assailants were between him and his trap and the salvation of a fleet horse. He was an athletic young man, and though burdened by his coat and its damning contents, more than a match for his pursuers. His idea was to leave the road when he had made suffiicent headway and double back, but another shock awaited him. From behind came a shrill whistle, and away ahead a dark figure loomed out suddenly against the whiteness of the moonlit road. ‘‘The devil!" he muttered, with a comical expression of dismay. ‘‘The place is alive with 'em." With the enemy menacing in front and rear there was no time for deliberation. The Avail still bounded the road on his left, and the speed with Avhich he surmounted that obstacle was a revelation. His pursuers rose to the occasion and promptly followed, and the scene of the cflase was transferred to the Colonel's private grounds, slightly- wooded at this point, and admirably adapted to the pretty and intensely exciting game of hide and seek which ensued. However, the rabbit was at length bolted and driven out into the open, and with the enemy thundering at his heels raced headlong down a side path which joined the main drive close to the lodge. So it came to pass that as the party returning from the discovery of Wilfred's trap approaching this path—their minds filled with ominous forebodings—their ears were assailed by the unmistakable thud of many pairs of flying feet, drawing rapidly nearer. "What the deuce is this noAV?" ejaculated the Colonel, pausing abruptly. Next moment a swif t-moving body dashed into the middle of the group, scattering it right and left in dire confusion, the Colonel bearing the brunt of the impact. "Stick to him, boys!" be yelled with what vestige of breath remained tc him, and the luckless Wilfred was quickly pinioned by half-a-dozen pairs of Avilling hands. A moment later the three pursuers came panting up and took possession of the fugitive, and Wilfred knew the feel of handcuffs for the first time in his life. "Gave us a nice run for our money," gasped one of the men, whom the Colonel recognised as a sergeant of the local police. Good job you happened to be about, or he might have slipped us. What's he been up to?" "Been up to!” repeated the Colonel wrathfully. "The scoundrel 1 Broke into ■fhe house —threatened us with a couple of revolvers until we handed over our watches and money." "All but the ladiess, guv'nor. Give me credit for that, anyhow," struck in the captive in the gruff voice befitting his role; from which it will be seen that his sense of humour was still predominant in face of even these distressful and ignominious circumstances.

"He's a cool-faced customer," grunted the Sergeant. "We will relieve you of those shooters, my man." ~ He dived his hand into Wilfred s pockets, and produced the tivo weapons. "Unloaded, Colonel," he said quietly. "Unloaded —nonsense!" answered the Colonel hastily. "If so he must have unloaded since. "Possibly," admitted the other, with a shrug. "More likely you have been spoofed, Colonel.'' . There was a slight snigger from the captive. The Sergeant glanced at him curiously. "Here' let's have a look at you, my man," he said. He snatched off the concealing mask, and at the same time removed the false moustache, Avhicli was now hanging by a shred as no Avell-ordered moustache could do, and fairly shrieking its dnp-

licity. Straightway the Sergeant's fac« became a study. “Sir Wilfred!" he gasped in utter bewilderment.

A roar of laughter went up from th« quasi-highwayman, followed by a silvery, echo from Hetty, Avho was one of the group of women observing the strange scene, and the murder Avas out. The victims of the hoax remained spell-bound for a moment, simmering in speechless wrath, until, grasping the humour of the situation, their indignation was finally lost in a Avild chorus of derisive, malicious mirth over the retributive victimising of the vietimiser. Only the Colonel and the guardians of the IaAV lacked appreciation of the comedy. "Wilfred!" roared the Colonel, when he had recovered from his surprise. "What the devil is the meaning of this, sir ?" -

"I think it means I have missed my vocation, Colonel," replied the culprit composedly. "Gad! didn't it go off well ?”

“It is monstrous—outrageous !" fumed the Colonel. "Why, damn it! av© shall be the laughing stock of the Avhole county." "And this," said Wilfred sorrowfully, "is the reward of my effort to entertain you. Bennett,” turning to the sergeant, "you might knock off these irons; they aren't exactly comfortable, and I suppose you are satisfied that my intentions Avere beneficial and not criminal ?" The sergeant looked puzzled, but complied. "Perhaps I ought to explain, Bennett," went on Wilfred regretfully, "that yon spoiled a positively delightful situation. Think of it —my friends here mourning over the loss of that which they fondly regarded as gone for ever, and yet still alive to the romantic and thrilling aspect of their ad\ T enture " The Colonel choked Avith Avrath, and a ripple of laughter came from the ladies. Their dignity had not suffered. “We'll make you sit up for this, my boy," Avhispered Horrors. "And five minutes later," continued Wilfred. "I should driven up in he character of penitent ex-highwayman and ex-burglar, and changed mourning into rejoicing by the restoration of the booty. Tableaux! Doesn't your conscience smite you, Bennett?” “Men," said the Colonel to the officers, "you had better come up to the house and have something hot. You deserve it after all this tomfoolery." They were nothing loch, and when they came away their ruffled and outraged feelings Avere soothed by a soporific of golden adequacy, for Wilfred bore no malice. Wilfred's graphic and humorous .account of his exciting experiences in the unlooked for game of hare and hounds caused much hilarity amongst his hearers, and finally even the Colonel Avas moved to laughter. Perceiving that his wrath was on the wane, Hetty took courage, and confessed to having countenanced the hoax by her silence after having recognised Wilfred by his ring, which he had omitted to remove. "It Avould have been such a pity to spoil the fun," she said, laughing. The looted property Avas restored to its quondam owners, some difficulty attending the allotment of the loose cash in its proper proportions. While this problem was being Avrestled Avith, Wilfred remarked coolly—"By the way, you chaps, when you have fixed things up. I'll trouble you for a fiver a-piece. I carried off the Avhist prize, you know, and so won my bet."