THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1265, 28 May 1896, Page 11

THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

A little nonsenso now and then, In relished bv the wisest men. -—Hudibius. EXPERIENCES OF A TEXAS PUBLISHER. The experiences of Pinto Bill as a publisher are most amusingly described in Ha rper’s Magazine. Colonel Atkinson tells the story, and says : My first newspaper venture was the best 1 ever had. "Wild Cat Gulch, Idaho, was just beginning to boom as a mining town when l got to the nearest railroad station, and 1 decided that that was my goal. Bo I bought a pony and loaded up all I had, and started oil tho long triple the lulls with only one companion. When we got within forty miles of the placo there appeared on tho horizon ahead of us a black speck, and it gradually grew larger, until wo could see a man on horseback coming towards us at the utmost speed of a jaded pony. •‘Hold up'” 1 shouted, when the rider came abreast. “ What s wrong—lndians ? “ Worso’u Indians,” t iie man shouted, while the pony stopped, breathing like f» steam engine. “Iran a paper .at Wild Cat, and 1 just escaped with my life.” “ Libel laws pretty strict?” said I. “Libel laws'” ho replied, with a sneer', “ You must be from tho Duet. ’

“Well, I haven’t been long in this part of tho country, but I think I can give you pointers on running a newspaper.” “ You can, can you ho replied. “I 11 give you this horso for your fresh ono and the Wild Cat 1 Terrier ’to boot. And don’t be too in long making tho trade, bo continued glancing over his shoulder. “ Pinto Bill will be ’long here mighty sudden.”

“ Done,” said l ; and in less than ttW minutes wo had changed our saddle-bags, and the editor was Hying away on my fresh horso, while I was slowly leading his jaded animal towards tho mountains, with a receipt for one thousand dollars for tho Wild Cat “Terrier” in my pocket. Scarcely half-tin-hour elapsed before another horseman appeared, and wo wcio ■soon introduced to Pinto Bill, who was rigged out in full cow-puncher regalia. “ Seen anything of a pi’-eating editor passin’ this point ?” he enquired savagely.

“ Passed here about an hour ago on a fresh horso,” said I, “ and you can never catch him on that poor animal of yours. What’s tho row ?”

“ Called me a bully and a disgrace to Wild Cat Gulch and tho whole of Idaho, in his tarnal rat-eatin’sheet. I’ll kill him on sight.” “ Well, I’ve got a scheme that will fix him, if you’ll go in with me,” I said. And I told Bill I’d bought the paper, and would print a retraction as soon as we could get the paper out. “ Now l want a business manager,” I said, “and you’re just the man for that end of a newspaper. I never was any good at that. I can stick the typo, and write the editorials and the news, but I can’t hustle for ads. and subscribers. You and I together could make a big thing of it.” “ I’ll go you,” he replied, and we made a bargain right there. Iu a few days tho “ Terrier ” came out with a full retraction of all it ever said against Pinto Bill, and the same issue announced the new partnership ; and the firm’s name, Atkinson and Bulger (Bill’s other name), appeared at tho head. Pinto Bill was the best business manager 1 ever had, and, unlike most men, ho was more valuable when drunk than when sober. He soon had every man in town on the subscription list, and every one who had the least excuse urns in the advertising columns. 11 any one dared to say anything against the “Terrier,” and Bill hoard even the slightest rumour of it, bo’d go round and suggest that it was a good scheme to increase the sizu of his advertisement and pay a month in advance. The playful way in which ho wore his shooters, and nervously buttoned and unbuttoned the holster Haps while talking, made the soundest arguments in favour of advertising I have ever seen. No one over refused to accept his terms, and the “Terrier” was an example to all other papers on holding up its prices. Cash alone was taken in for subscriptions, and if any one offered anything but yellow gold I’d have a news item to write for the next issue.

The “ Terrier ” boomed along for nearly two years, and all the people in Wild Cat Gulch, under Bill’s watchful eye, decided it was tho most enterprising paper in Idaho.

But one night, during a poker game, Pinto Bill’s revolver got stuck in tho holster a few seconds too long, and before tho funeral was over the subscription list began to shrink; and when I got back from dropping a tear on my partner's grave there was aline of advertisers that reached three blocks clamouring to have their ads. taken out.

Bill never would make long contracts, and now I saw the folly of it. At, the end of tho week 1 gathered up all the money I could, and giving a bill of sale for tho “Terrier” to tho office boy to pay him for tho week’s work, I left Wild Cat Gulch for ovor,