SMILES!

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1263, 14 May 1896, Page 25

SMILES!

"THAT IS BUSINESS?" When the grocer stirs the sand amongst his sugar, if you please, Or ho waters his tobacco, or makes popper

out of peas, Or puts roasted bread in coffee, or dried willow in his teas- -

That is business, simply business, so it is. But when at length he's collared at his clover little game, And is lined a tidy figure, and is put to loss

and shameThat is business—that is darned good biz !

When an owner enters horses—which are known to go the pace By a public which will back thorn for a win or for a place •- Quite resolved to have tlicm finish at tho wrong ore! of tho raco, That- is business, simply business, so it is. When we've got a law to put these cheerful owners in a ii\, And wo send them inching oakum for thoir festive little tricks 'Twill bo business—'twill bo real good biz ! Melbourne I'unrh.

Wife : " I don't care if you did win ; you know 1 fold you not to bet on the races." Husband (apologetically) : " Put, my dear, I was just getting repaired." Wife : " Getting repairer/" Husband: "Yes, love; 1 was broke."

On the last day of a horse fair at Darlington, some very queer-looking horses were still left unsold. A buyer purchased one, after much bargaining, for .Viol., and then asked the owner if he wouldn't return a quarter just for Inck ; whereupon the owner refosed, saying, "'Ere. I won't be 'ard ; take another horse instead.'

Miss Rosebud (first time at the races) ' And who did you say that gentleman in the chocked suit was ? ' Mr Straight-tip : " Oh, that is S—, the bookmaker." Miss Rosebud (enthusiastically) : " Do bring him up and introduce him. You know I dote upon authors."

Dealer : "Are you satisfied with the team I sold you ? Arc they not well matched ?*' Victim : " Yes, they're well matched. One is willing to work, and the other is satisfied to let hi in,

Bookie: " Want to lay one." Stranger " Yes; but not in your nest, thank you."