ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1262, 7 May 1896, Page 23

ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

Satire's ray weapon, but I'm too discreet To ran amuck ami tilt at all I meet.

BY SCRUTATOR.

I'OPF,

Death by assassination is no novelty in the records of Persian rulers, and it is worth while noting here that Aga Mohammed Khan, the founder of tiie present dynasty, met the very same fate as lias hefallen the Xing of Kings, Naser-Ed-Din. The late Shah was a good friend to Groat Britain, although lie did make the famous concessions to Baron Reuter, and so sent to Germany a host of contracts for railroads, telograph and waterworks, which John Bull thought he ought to have had. Had the Shah been unfriendly to John he might have mado matters mightily unpleasant for England on several occasions; notably in connection with Afghan troubles, but he appears to have pocketed Russian presents andgoneon maintaining his friendship with Great Britain all the same. His death is to bo regretted, for although, from what one has read of him, ho was hardly to he esteemed either as a virtuous or a just monarch, he was much above the general run of Asiatic potentates.

Ho made two visits to England, one in 1873 and another in 1880. With his long, black frock coat, thiu pointed moustache and spectacled eyes, he might have passed for a Levantino or an Italian, but his headcovering was purely Eastern. Many who read these lines, and who remember the Shah's visit to England, will recall the stiff fez which the Shah always wore, and which was ornamented by an aigrette of diamonds, reputedly worth a king's ransom, and of a size and brilliance that was perfectly dazzling. Ho was a genial old chap, and made many shrewd remarks upon England and English ways in that famous "Diary" of his, and he gut on remarkably well, it is said, with the Court and other officials told off to superintend the arrangements made for his comfort. But tho tongue of scandal played very freely round him as to his "goings on" at night time, when, like the famous Caliph ■of Bagdad, he sallied forth in disguise to soo tho sights of the town. Some of those sights were, so rumour hath it, not unconnected with that delectable land known as ■"behind tho scenes," and wicked yarns are .afloat of how, when he visited the Alhambra, then distinctly the " giddiest " resort in London Nightland, he was particularly anxious to annex some dozen ■or so shapely maidens of tho corps de bullet for his harem at Teheran. Also, there wero stories of his having witnessed —in the sacred apartments of royalty itself, set aside for his use—a real, old-fashioned English prize-fight, none of your kidgloved, Quoensberry-ruled affairs, but a real "mill" of the stylo indulged in by the Lambeth Chicken and the Brunimagen Bruiser in the palmy days of 'I he King. There wore some nasty remarks in the English Radical press, if 1 remember rightly, on this subject. However, the Shah's dead and gone now, and if ho did bowstring a grand Vizier or two and commit other little vagaries in keeping' with the character of an Eastern monarch, the suddenness of his end mud be accounted sullicient penance.

Talking about the Shah, do you remember tho old joke—it was in Fun I think? A Cockney 'Any with his very ownest 'Arriet are in a crowd in the Strand, watching a procession in which the " Shah of Shahs," tho "King of Kings" is the leading figure. 'Arriet, whose knowledge of contemporary history and Eastern titles is but elementary, appeals to her 'Arry for information with —"Who's this ere bloke the Shah, 'Arry ?" to which the knowledgefull swain indignantly replies—" Ush, you hignorant gurl. Wy, don't yer know he's this Belgian Prince of Wales ?" People laughed over that joke in '7l!, but it sounds pretty dull now. It is the way of most old jokes to sound dull. I don't know how it is, but I like the old jokes bo.it, dull as they may appear. I suppose I'm gradually advancing into Old Fogoydom.

I had intended in my last budget of Echoes to havo mado a few remarks on certain statements contained in a letter aigned " Tote," and headed " Says Franco is Drunken," which appeared in the New 'Zealand Times one day last week, but had not space. Tho Times had alleged that " wine-growing countries are not given to drunkenness/' and upon this " Tote " proceeds to indito an onslaught on tho character of tho French for sobriety. "Tote" does not appear to have lived in France, and the evidence, or alleged evidence, ho brings in favour of his argument, that France is a drunken nation is, as ho admits, only secondhand, and is open to serious question. For instance, ho quotes tho " well-known author Cooper." If this be Fenimore Cooper, he has been dead so long that his opinions as to drinking in Franco to-day is practically

worthless. One of the other statements,

by the late Rev. Dr Kirk, "pastor of the American chapel in Paris," is a base slander, and I doubt very much whether Dr Kirk ever wrote it. It reads as follows: — "I never saw such systematic drunkenness as I saw in France. The French go about it as a business, I never saw so many women drunk."

As one who spent four of the happiest years of his life in France—two and a half years in tho capital and the remainder in a large manufacturing centre in the north —I cannot allow such reckless and stupid slanders as the one quoted above to pass by without contradiction. In Paris, I lived, at one time, in the very heart of the Quarlier Latin (not far, indeed, from a street described to tho very life in "Trilby") and at another in the Rue Richer, just oil' the main boulevards. 1 spent my evenings on the boulevards, in the cafes or in long walks into tho suburbs. On Sundays—forgive me, ye moralists, for those wore my "salad days" —I took excursions, in the summer time, to St. Cloud, to Asnierea, to Charonton, Robinson, and dozens of other resorts, where dancing and all sorts of frivolity were engaged in, and never did 1 soo any drunkenness. I have been about in Paris at all hours of the day and night, and I can truthfully say that a drunken man or woman would be most difficult to find. The gay frequenters of the boulevard cab's—outside the absinthe tipplers (their case, 1 admit, is hopeless)—would imbibe their mu~agran (coffee in a long glass a fashion brought from Algiers by the soldiers) or sip various mysterious fruit sirups with derated wafer. Spirits I never saw, and 1 repeat that of drunkenness, as known in Kuglaud and the colonics, Paris, at any rate in my time, knew practically nothing. I remember going-to see the Grand Prix de Paris inn

for at Auteuil—it was in Kisber's yeai

and the next day the papers announced that there had been over 100,000 people on the course and along the terraces of the Lois de Boulogne Well, all that long hot and dusty day, 1 and our English friends went about tin) course, and at night returned to Paris, and put in the evening, first at a well known open air cafe concert in the Champs Elysecs, and later on looked in at the then famous Jardin Bullier, the students' dancing hall on the Boulevard St. Michel. We compared notes, and we found that tho three of us had only seen two men the worse for liquor during tho whole day. Both, alas, were Englishmen, Cook's Tourists, members of a big party driven out in a brake.

In a largo manufacturing town whore I lived afterwards there were over 40 men employed in tho place of business I was conected with. Tho workmen there (some of them Belgians) did drink spirits (a rough kind of gin) occasionally, and there were, I will admit, occasional cases of men keeping St. Monday, but not the thousandth part of the drunkenness one could see every day in an English manufacturing town. One amongst the country people drunkenness is, I can assure Mr " Tote," almost unknown, especially in the wine-growing districts. In the colder, gloomier north, and especially in the north-east, on the borders of Belgium, there is some spirit-drinking, but in the winegrowing and wine-drinking districts the smilaril, the drunkard, is practically as unknown as the (.(./k.

i Of late years, however, from what I have read, and heard from my French friends, there has been a considerable increase in spirit-drinking all over France. Absinthe is a deadly poison, and its use is gaining ground ; cheap Belgian and Dutch made gin, of villauous character, is largely used as a goutla or "nip" by the workers, but I would guarantee that even to-day I could—oh would I had the chance!—tako my friend "Tote" through the wine districts and defy him to find on an average one drunkard a day, and that too in densely populated districts. In Paris, as in all large cities, there is a human .scum, a rosiduum, as tho lato John Bright called if, of people lost to all sense of decency and shame, in this class you will find drunkards in Ban's, in Lyons, in Rouen and elsewhere in France, but of the. great mass of the French natron if is the foulest lie, tho most stupid and wicked slander to nay they are a "drunken people,." Whatever other faults tho gay and gallanl French nation may have, it is certainly one of tin, most Sober to bo found on earth. Would that ono could say as much of the British nation, about whose alleged superior regard for Christianity and virtue we hear so much.

In the last issue to hand of the Australasian I note, in " Woomera's " ever welcome "Talk on Change," tho following story, sent in by a Wanganui correspondent:— "A smart cockney, engaged direct from homo as a fat-stock buyer for a New Zealand firm, visited onr run. Wo had a couple of tame emus, which species tho cockney saw for the first time. ' What do

you call theso birds ?' he asked. ' Moaa.' ' But ain't they very small ?' ' They are only six months old ; mere chickens.' 'Where did you get them?' 'Stewart's Island.' 'But 1 thought nioas was instinct ?' To this I could make no reply, though 1 managed to keep a straight face. The next time I met my friend he said, " Well, you can tell the infernalost lie with the solonmest face of any man I ever met.' " The weak point in the yarn, to my mind at least, and one which makes me highly sceptical as to its bona fides is the alleged fact that a " smart cockney " was " engaged direct from home as a fat-stock buyer for a New Zealand firm." Does any Wanganu l reader of " Echoes " know of such a" smart cockney ?" If so, I shall be glad to apologise for my scepticism.

The "Now Woman" is making headway in Victoria as in this Colony, but I trust it may be long before we hear of any " New Men" similar to the individual who advertised as follows a few weeks ago in the Melbourne Argus .•

To Mothers Engaged in Business. —Elderly man, steady, respectable, would give whole time helping with housework, mind children daytime, and os week for comfortable home. Can help make children's clothes; town o? country; open till Friday. Domestic, General Post-ofliee.

That worthy gessiper, " Wooinera," was so taken aback by this extraordinary advertisement that I notice lie was compelled to emulate Silas Wegg and "drop into poetry," the following clever verses being the, outcome of his coquetting with the Muse:—

It is coming ! coining! coming! A ad I he time is very near When tiie man will rock the cradle, While the woman mops the beer.

It is coining ! coming ! coming I Jus!, you wait a little bit; And the " He " will he converted To the mild, uncertain " It."

It is coming ! coming I coming! And the herald trumpet noto Is a tiny childish treble, From a little baby's throat.

For tho safety-pin is pricking, And the man who minds the kid Doesn't know as much of infants As the old-time mother did.

Ho can mend the darling's pinney, Ho can rook a-byo, yon bet, Put there are some lilUo details That he hasn't mastered yet.

While he's learning ! learning ! learning ! Let us thank our stars to-day, That we i; did our time " as babies In the good old-fashioned way.

Tho editor of Mr Joseph Ivess' latest journalistic venture (Mr Ivess' enemies are rude enough to call theso ventures " rags "), namely the Levin and Manawatu Express, was cruelly "had" the other day. The editor received, and duly published a long letter, signed " A Lover of Truth," in which the alleged admirer of the "eternal veracities," after gushing over the advent of the new paper as an independent, truthful, honest organ which might be depended upon to give the wicked Sodden Government particular " beans," stated that the man of ink " might rest assured of tho support of the people of the district." " Lover of Truth," then continues: They see it is to you they must look for a champion of their rights, and, as has been said of other public men, they will say of you--to use an old Swedish proverb —"yo uar eana pe." " Kindly add my name to your list of subscribers."

It roads very nicely, doesn't it, and very pleasant reading tho Express editor found it—for a time. But oh, " what a difference in the morning." Oh, his state of wrath and indignation when that poor deluded scribe- looked a little closer—as he ought to have done before ho published the letter—at tho 'old Swedish proverb" which the guileful " Lover of Truth " had exhumed for his benefit, for if you print that proverb this way : " You are an ape," you can well imagine what a very different aspect that glowing letter of eulogy now wore. The population of Levin, Shannon and neighbourhood is still laughing loud and long over the joke. Whether tho Express editor joins in the chorus of cacchination may, however, be doubted. Especially painful to the poor editor must be the memory that over the letter of that mad wag " Lover of Truth " appeared tho proud editorial heading, " Appreciation !"

Professor Rimtgen's discovery of the marvellous results which can be obtained by photographing by means of tho nowfamous "X" rays continues to bo discussed at great length in the English and American papers. Mr Edison, the " Wizard of tho Century," as ho has not improperly been called, took a great interest in the discovery, and has now gone further than anyone else in its application. Next week's Mail will, I may inform my readers, contain a full description of Edison's new method of using tho rays, by which he has been able to see right into the very interior

of the human body. Tho account will be fully illustrated.

Apropos to the Rontgen discovery, the old saying that there Is nothing new under the sun finds exemplification in tho statement now made by the London Globe, that as far bade as the year 181-8 a pamphlet was published by Reiehenbaeh, the discoverer of creosote, in which ho sot forth the powers of "od," as ho called it. "Od" consisted of a sort of halo surrounding every natural body and, under certain conditions, rendered it luminous. Reiehenbaeh stated that he had photographed bodies through other bodies, which were transparent to this illuminating medium. Tiie only recognition he obtained was that he was declared to be insane. It would be interesting to know whether Rontgen ever read the pamphlet referred to.

Chess is one of the most scholarly, refined and soberly delightful of pastimes, but no matter how good a thing, is wc can have too much of it. I hope my friend, Mr Benbow, and other local devotees of the game will never be afflicted in the same way, through excessive devotion to their favourite game, as was a Russian accountant who hanged himself recently at Kieff. This unfortunate man was an accountant by profession, but had conceived such a passion for chess that his business capacity fled him ; he threw up his occupation, and from that time he could take no interest in anything but chess-playing. He played the whole day long. When he could find no partner he played chess with himself. While indulging this passion his nerves became affected, a melancholy disposition settled upon him, and at last, the London Daily News says, traces of a disordered mind set in. lie bought a cord a month ago, and carried it about with him till an opportunity arrived, and he then hung himself.

The man who tallcs "shop" is an awful nuisance, bid:- 1 never knew, until I road an article in the Century magazine the other day, that "talking shop " was a variant of aphasia. The Century writer is quite serious, however, in his tirade against the dangers of " talking shop," -which, so 1 notice, ho is pleased to did) by the scientific title of " thematic paraphasia." This is almost on a par with " extravasation of the facial cuticle " for the common domestic "blackoye." Wo journalists are not a little given, I fear, to " thematic paraphasia," but the next time I develop symptoms of this complaint, I sincerely trust that an indignant listener will not attempt an "extravasation of my facial cuticle."

A correspondent sends me a cutting from an English paper containing some "titbits" taken from the memoirs of Sir Claude Crespegny, from which I havo already quoted in this column. The cutting in question recounts a good story of the late Lord Glasgow. " The affair reminds me," says Sir Claude, "of a bill I saw with my own eyes at the Black Swan, York. If was made out to the late Lord Glasgow, a notoriously short-tempered man. The items of the bill were: Chop a shilling, champagne ten shillings, and for breaking waiter's arm five pounds. There is a much better-known story of the same Lord Glasgow and a ticket clerk at a railway station. 11 is Lordship needed change, so handed a tenpound note to the clerk, who told him that he must endorse it. ilo therefore wrote 'Glasgow' on the back, which mado tho clerk say, 'I want your name and not where you are going to, silly mon !' The last two words wero scarcely out of tho clerk's mouth before the irate peer had dashed his fist through the booking-office window, accompanying tho blow with some forcible epithet. /

The April number of that excellent school magazine, the Wanganui Collegian, readied mo tho other day, and 1 am glad to find it maintains the reputation of the Collegian for being one of the most readable of such publications. I make my usual descent upon tho " Odds and Ends " column ami extract tho following as fair specimens of the "good things " to be found therein : "Cicero was tho mother of Moses;" "Timber mining is one of the chief industries of Western Australia." Choice specimen of paraphrasing : —Paraphrase. " Tho wedding guest he beat his breast.'' Answer: "Tho matrimonial visitor performed several manual exercises upon his thorax." Whether the following is genuine or not I cannot say, but if so, the scene must have been vastly amusing—to the boys, if not to the master concerned : —"As You Like It.—Master (who has been severely luting an inattentive boy): 'Now, then, this really must not cont ' Boy (suddenly finding his place) reads: 'Peace, fool! ! ' (Subject is changed amidst uproar.) "

JjJJjA few weeks ago I referred to some remarks mado by Mr Button, M.H.R., a leading light in the Auckland ranks of the

National Association with regard to cL labour. Mr Button, it will be remembeiv asked " would it bo better to cram a stro: child with book learning or with bread an . butte ?" I um glad to see that the Bullet', ■ adopts exactly tho samo line of comment upon the Buttoniau bad logic as thr indulged in by "Scrutator." The sina:! Sydney paper says :—" This, of course (th ■ Buttoniau argument) shows that childn . of any age should be allowed to toil in iv. . factories and workshops. Then, the limit tions being removed by the sympatic Button kind of man, tho Button variety • i employer would get his word done 1 y ignorant, toil-worn, joyless, stunted childi ; at 5s a week instead of paying £2 aw< to adults, and tho adults wo; ' either have to work much cheap to compete with tho children , l

olso 1)0 unemployed, and the 'starv children' would increase tenfold in m ber through the reduction of wages ;

the increase of competition. Of coursi the family Button alluded to could put

children on tho labour-market at

present rate of wages, which rate is m tained by keeping other children out ol labour-market, tilings would improve-

But if all children were tre.

similarly, then tho wages of the ad- : of tho family would go di with a thud, and tho starvati ->" wtuid remain tho same, and i< - only gainer would lie the employer, ; ; represented by Button, who would you labour at greatly reduced rates. Button, by tho way, doesn't venture to allege that he knows any family in the painful condition described; ho merely says, as a reason for abolishing the limitations upon child-labour, that a hungry infant wants food more than learning, Which is quite as much to the point as if he said that a cow wants grass rather than a family Bible, and proved thereby that tho Bible should be abolished and tho whole country sown with grass from one end to tho other."