THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1196, 1 February 1895, Page 29

THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

A little nonsense now and then ’ Is relish.d by the wisest men. , Hudib^as. THE SHORTEST “SHORT STORY." Here is another example of the new short story: — Chapter I.—Lonely maiden on the beach. Chapter 2. —Carried far beyond her reach. Chapter 3.—Shark attracted by the sound. Chapter 4. Saves the maid from being drowned. A ROUGH RETORT. It is said that a Scotch minister found his match in an old woman he sought to impress with a conviction of her wickedness. This old lady belonged to his congregation, and had been absent from the kirk for several Sundays, whereupon the divine, meeting her, reproached her with her heinous iniquity, and said impressively and finally, “ There’ll be no sermons in ‘ outer darkness,’ Jean." To which the unabashed Jean replied promptly and, I fear, irreverently, “ Weel, weel, it’ll no be for the want of ministers." A sudden silence falls here, and there is a dreadful blank as to what the outraged divine said or did to that erring sheep of his flock. COURTSHIP BY POST. “ Courtship by post is apt to be dangerous," said Harry P. Potter, of Baltimore. “ A great many more marriages are arranged in this way than is generally supposed, and statistics do not prove that they turn out on the average any worse than others. lam personally acquainted, however, with one case in which a man married a lady with whom he had not even corresponded. A young lady for a joke answered a matrimonial advertisement, taking into her confidence a friend who was as full of fun as herself. When it came to the point of ex changing photographs shesenther friend’s; and when a few weeks later a letter came enclosing a railroad ticket, an enthusiastic offer of marriage, and a request to come on at once, the originator of the joke thought matters had gone far enough, and, showing the letter to her friend, told her she proposed to tear it up and drop the correspondence. The friend, however, had become impressed with both the photograph and eloquence of the distant wooer, and without telling anyone of her intentions she kept the appointment, met the stranger, and married him. Probably a more remarkable outcome of a joke and of courtship by proxy has seldom taken place."

WANTED HIS NAME KEPT OUT. The gentleman associated with an actress in a small cab-smash up north, the other week, displayed an almost pathetic Anxiety to have his name “ kept out of the papers." He was an Englishman on a visit to the beastly kawlinies, and he rushed round to each of the local editors in a tall collar and a profuse perspiration, stating that he was really “ aw’fly sorry being mixed up in this confounded bore

of an accident, doncherknow," and lie hoped they would say nothing about him because of his “ people ‘at home,’ bai jove 1" The press respected the poor fellow’s feelings and preserved hi 3 incognito in the matter. He was not much more than forty years of age, consequently it would have been most unkind to alarm the family, who might have reduced his pocket-money. A doosid narrow escape, though. The English gentleman couldn’t afford to risk any more friendship with an actress who has cab accidents, dash it all, and when last heard of he was aboard a P. and O. steamer, returning to his “ people."— Bulletin. A RUBBER WITH DISRAELI. Disraeli played whist execrably. One evening, at Hughenden, he was playing with the Prince of Wales, Lord Hartington, and Bernal Osborne. When the rubber was over, Disraeli turned to H.R.H. and said, “ You have observed my play, sir. Can you be astonished that both these gentlemen are in the Opposition ?" —Nina Kennard, in The Bedim. A VERY GOOD YOUNG MAN. The good young man who remained alive writes to a Maoriland paper in this strain :—“ I do not see anything about chess or chess problems in the sacred Scriptures, and therefore I cannot approve of them." By and-bye this young man will probably find out to his great astonishment that there isn’t any mention of pants, or socks, or boots, or white boiled shirts in the sacred Scriptures, and then he will be arrested on suspicion of insanity for going about with a pair of sandals on and a sackcloth round him.— Bulletin. THE USE OF AN UPPER CHAMBER. An apt illustration of the use of an Upper House in Parliament is given in an anecdote about Washington, which Mr Pope tells in his biography of. Sir John Macdonald, the great Canadian Premier : —“ On his return from France, Jefferson called Washington to account for having agreed to a Second Chamber. ‘Of what use is a Senate ?’ he asked, as he stood before the fire with a cup of tea in his hand, pouring the tea into his saucer as he spoke. ‘ You have answered your own question,’ replied Washington. ‘.What do you mean ?’ asked Jefferson. ‘Why do you pour tea into your saucer ?’ ‘To cool it,’ said Jefferson. ‘ Even so,’ said Washington, ‘ the Senate is the saucer into which we pour legislation to cool.’ "