“SMILES!”

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1194, 18 January 1895, Page 24

“SMILES!”

There is a story told by Dean Hole, or, rather, one that the worthy Dean has the credit of telling, which we have every reason to believe originated with the late Duchess of Montrose. Her Grace, it will be remembered by those who were in the habit of seeing her in the Crawford days, always alighted from the basket chaise backwards. And, by the way, she was in the act of alighting from a brougham on the off side in the same way in Newmarket High street last July when a runaway horse and carriage (in which were the representatives of two weekly Bporting contemporaries) narrowly escaped giving her an unexpected hoist. Well, this necessary habit of back exit on the part of the Duchess played her an eccentric, not to say scurvy, trick on one occasion when she had returned to town from headquarters. On reaching Liverpool street her carriage was not on hand, and rather than wait, in her blufit off-hand manner she inquired, “ Whereabouts is this underground railway, and can’t I get to Gloucester Gate by iL % n Informed that it was quite handy, the Duchess, followed by her maid, at once repaired to the Bishopsgate street Station, and all

went well enough until she reached Gloucester road Station, where she was in the act of alighting in her accustomed manner —stern first—when along came the hurry scurrying guard, with his green flag in one hand and whistle in the other, saying, “Jump in, marra, if you’re going on," and accompanying the action to the words, gave the Duchess a hoist, and landed her where she was before.

At a Maori race meeting on the Manawatu line the “stakes" were : “First hoi'se win seven fowls , second horse one fuivl !" There are some funny items to be picked out of nomination papers for trotting horses. Some time ago when handicapping some trotting horses, on looking through the entry forms I (“ Gipsy King") came across the following : “Piease nominate my horse The Giey. Me is a xvhite horse , so many years old, dec.," with full particulars about the owner having purchased the horse out of a public pound for a few shillings ! Just recently, while in the same line of business, I dropped on to one or two other tit-bits. An owner who had entered a horse with more thoroughbred than trotting blood in his veins, mentioned on his nomination paper, “ He is not a bred troter !" (He wouldn’t (k)need to be.) Another owner excuses himself for not entering his moke for the long distance race, for the reason that “she is rather short in the wind !" Another owner describes hi l ! horse as “afairly good looking horse, a bay xoith black points 16 hands 'high !” What's the height of the horse if the “ points ” are 16 hands high ? In Suva, Fiji, the elite “sports,” when hard up for something to wager over, organise dog-fights. All dogs left alive (generally bull-terriers) are in the final “go.”