CURRENT HUMOUR

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23850, 28 December 1940, Page 4 (Supplement)

CURRENT HUMOUR

"You do keep your car well cleaned." "It's only lair. My car keeps me well cleaned, too." "As a result of rationing, bacon may disappear from ihe English breakfasttable," we read. It. always did. Nervous Householder (interrupting two burglars at work): "D-d-don't mind me. I'm only w-walking in my s-s-sieep." "My word, that's a nice, suit! You're a credit to your tailor." "No, I'm afraid you're wrong. I am now a debit to my tailor."

A doctor says he can toll a lot about patients hy the shape of their nostrilsHut we expect there have been occasions when he has made wrong diagnoses. DULL AFFAIR Two boxers were engaged in what appeared to be a. hugging match. A voice from the gallery shouted: "Turn out the lights They want to lie alone." Came a second voice: "Leave the lights alone I want to read." MORE IMPORTANT? It was naturally a sad moment when the mother had to say good-bye to her soldier son. "Oh, Jimmy," she sighed, "I shall miss you." "Well, mother," was tlip cheery reply. "I hope to goodness the Germans do the same."

F.ver thought of it? The night falls but it doesn't break, and day breaks but it never falls. "Well. Fll be going now. Don't trouble to see me to the door." "No trouble at all. It's a pleasure." Diner: "Take this coffee, waiter. It's lik" mud." Waiter: "Well, sir, it was just ground this morning.'' "If a man has a protty > secretary, do you think it will make him take more interest in his business " "No, but his wife will."

CORRECTED Putting and hlowing, the young man just managed 10 jump into a carriage as the train loft, the station. The middle-aged man in the corner eyed him with scorn. "When I was your age, my lad." he said. "1 could rim hall" a mile, catch a train by the skin of my teeth, and yet be as fresh as a daisy." "Yes.." gasped the young fellow, "but I missed this one at the last station." QUITE A WHILE He was a new and very nervous recruit, and dropped his rifle while at drill. The sergeant-major's eyes popped out of his head at the horrid sight, and for a few moments he gasped for breath. Then: "Hey, you'" he roared. "How long have you been in the Army?" "P-p-please. sir." faltered the miserable vouth, "all d-d-dav, sir!"