LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIV, Issue 22628, 16 January 1937, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

Ey MERCUTIO :

Fame NEW ZEALAND lady on tour

writes from Austria to say that in a train a boy asked her a question which she gathered was "What country do you come from?" When she answered "New Zealand," he looked blank and shook his head. Then she tried him with "Nouvelle Zelande." Immediately a bright smile lighted his face. "Ah!" he said, "Lovelock 1" And a very nice response, too. But it is to be noted that he did not ejaculate "Rutherford." New Zealanders Abroad Kipling, you will remember, has some verses which begin Files, files, the office files, Oblige mo by referring to the files. Well, one did so when the message came that the Government had decided to send a contingent to the coronation. Ihe search extended to the blue books and there in the report of the High Commissioner for 1912, the year after the last coronation, one found the statement that he had had to expend some money in maintaining distressed New Zealanders who had gone to London. He had even had to clothe some of them—perhaps they had pawned their shirts—and also to i arrange transport home. Now this is not mentioned to encourage care-free people, of no means to speak of, going off to the coronation. Its purpose is more in the nature of a warning to the Government that there are some rather irresponsible folk on the map. The "Oil" The amateur diplomat who lives over the fence has been saying for a long time that there will, be war over oil yet. Thus he simplifies all the problems of the (lay. Now Dr. W. G. Woolnough, the Canberra geologist, comes alonowith the statement that New Zealand lies in the oil zone that passes from Germany through Poland, Southern Russia, Persia, Burma and the Dutch Indies. I hat being so, let us be of good cheer. All that is required is for New Zealand to reach a general working agreement with the Germans, Poles, Russians, etc., as to sharing this bountv of nature, and all ought to go—shall one dare say it?—well. Weathering It Out

Ihe tourist who recently returned from the tmited States after passing through the drought-stricken Middle Host, has a prize-winning story of an incident along the route which never fails to got a laugh when anyone mentions the wet weather that* prevailed during the holidays. He encountered an old settler in one of the most arid districts, and, wishing to appear cheerremarked that rain was likely. (( >\ell, f hope so." replied the old man, not so much for myself as for my boy here. I've seen it rain."

The Small Boy Problem In Germany, so a visitor informs us, the citizens combine utility with beauty b.v planting fruit trees in their streets and avenues. What was not explained was how this interesting custom arose. Have the German people a sublime belief in the goodness of mankind that is apparently not shared bv their political leaders, or is the Hitler Youth Movement in such a highly disciplined state that the trees remain unprofaned? If such a practice were carried on in Auckland the average householder could be sure of only one thing—the trees would bo fruity in name only and would never bear ripe fruit.

Absent-minded Beggars The Now Zealand Postal Department which distributes over half a million sheets of blotting paper and over 100,000 pen nibs to its offices every year, savs that when in a weak moment it once decided to issue attractive ijciiholders, an appreciative public walked

' away with nearly 5000 behind their ears—or in their pockets—in about three months. Of course there are always absent-minded beggars around who are fond of nibbling at the pens if they are not "severely utilitarian" as at present. Many years ago when telegraph forms had blank backs they disappeared in large numbers. Probably they were taken only as a matter of form, but the practice was stopped by printing a set of rules and regulations on the backs, thus making this portion of. the forms unsuitable for letter-writing. This had a good effect on tho snappers-up of unconsidered trifles. Two Wise Birds The game laws were nearly violated recently by a Takapuna resident who was not without provocation. He was startled to discover that his crop of potatoes, after escaping drought, flood and blight, was being ravaged by a malicious agent which, if allowed to proceed, would have speedily rendered the crop useless. After a close watch, the culprit was discovered to bo a hen pheasant, whose predatory procedure was both discriminating and destructive. The bird would uncover a root, take a peck or two at the most succulent tuber, and then pass on to the next in the row. The gardener is positive that the only reason for the current absence of the bird is that the potatoes have now been dug. The Retort Effective

The reappearance of an old schoolboy trick in a Dunedin school recently gave the teacher concerned one of those rare chances tor a suitable retort of which he can so rarely take advantage. During a lesson in mathematics the boy, a new arrival, began to wind the stem of his "foolproof" watch backwards, making an irritating, clicking noise. After enduring this for a few minutes, during which the boy was oblivious to the teacher's stare, the latter asked, "Is that a watch you have there?" The reply, "No, sir, a chaffcutter!" produced the retort, which gave the other boys as much pleasure as it gave the teacher himself, "Ah! I see; you're getting your dinner ready." Science's Ravelled Skein Auckland, during the past few days, has been over-run with scientists, all bent on solving as many of the abstruse problems of the age as is possible in the space of a week. Probably they will not reach finality in all cases, but they are resolutely rivetting their attention on their task. At least they may be expected to achieve more than did a party of scientists who met in Berlin in the early stages of the discussions on the Einstein theory. The correspondent of that frivolous London journal The Times, in a despatch at the conclusion of the gathering, remarked that while the conference had not solved the problem of relativity it had at least succeeded in demonstrating that a problem actually did exist. The present congress in Auckland already has done better than this. If the delegates would only go further and solve the weather problem many will rise up and call them blessed. A Fair Exchange The Australian and New Zealand delegates to the Science Congress have missed a golden opportunity. Coming here with the avowed intention of linking science in the two Dominions more closely together, most important researches have been omitted from the programme. What an example to the politicians on both sides of the Tasman if an Australian scientist had come forward with a paper on potato diseases and their cure while a New Zealander could perhaps have obliged with a dissertation on perfect fruit, how to produce and sell it. But perhaps, after our visitors have sampled our potatoes and looked at the prices of our fruit in the shop windows, something may be done about it after all.