SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVII, Issue 20596, 21 June 1930, Page 32 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

3 BUSINESS PROSPECTS. Litllo Isaac returned home from school r looking very thoughtful. " Bad," he said, .entering his father's shop, "our teacher told us.at school that ! in Alaska a day lasts six months." " That's right my boy," returned-his father. " My, hut wouldn't I like to do business : there!" • ' • ■ t ' . " Why so, dad ?" asked little Isaac wonderingly. " Well, just think, son," explained his ! father, "if a man came to collect the ' ront I could tell him to come back again to-morrow." MAN AND THE TIGER. A motorist on a holiday tour, approaching a North Country village, was very ( surprised to seo an elderly man running down the road as hard as ho could go" Thinking to give a hand in case something was wrong, tho motorist stopped his car and called to tho man. " What are you running for!" he asked. Tho man pulled up, gasping, and panting hard. " Thero's a wild boast show down in the village," he replied, "and ono of tho tigers has broken Iooso." " Good gracious!' exclaimed tho motorist, "Which way did ho go?" " Well, you don't suppose I'm chasing him, do you?" returned the villager. QUICK CHANGE. Mrs. Smith was in urgent need of a maid, so she went to the nearest employment exchango to seo what they could do for. her. • " How many maids do yt>u place in a week ?" she asked tho clerk, when her own arrangements had been satisfactorily made. - . The clerk did not hesitate to anßwer. " Between forty and fifty," she returned. " Really," murmured Mrs. Smith. " That must bo something like £wo thousand a year." " I don't know," came back Iho answer; " you see, they are always the same forty." ' QUITE CORRECT. Trembling with rage, tho houseowner entered the estate agent's office. "Where's that swindling agent ?" ho snapped to ' the slumbering clerk. : The youth awoko in a daze. "Pardon me, sir!" ho cried, springing to his feet. "Where's your master? asked the visitor. " Can 1' bo of any use?" asked tho agent himself, entering from another office. " Use!" cried tho enraged man. " When you sold mo that house, I thought you said that in six months I wouldn't part with it for a thousand pounds?" " That' 3 right," returned tho agent coolly. "" And you haven't, havo you, sir?" , . .. < BRICKS WITHOUT STRAW. Mrs. Finnigan laboured over her washtub while Mr. Finnigan sat in the garden and gazed into space. His inactivity finally became more than . Mrs. Finnigan could bear—at least, in silence. -' " '' " Why don'fc you come into the kitchen and help me with these clothes?" she inquired. \ > - < <■-> Sir. Finnigan turned and directed his gaze upon his wife. " Why, Moya, can't you see I'm busy ?" ho drawled. "Busy?" snapped Mrs. Finnigan. ."■What doin'?" 7" Why I'm thinkiny Moya!" " Thinkin' ?" she repeated. With what ?" HAIR-RAISING ANECDOTE. Roberts, and-'Smith, two young men up from the country, were spending the afternoon looking round a famous L'ondon art gallery. Presently they came opposite a portrait of a well-known musician. Roberts stopped, and gazed critically at tho painting. . "Strange how all the famous musicians used to have long hair," he said. " Yes," put in Smith thoughtfully. "I always thought long hair made a fellow look intelligent." " Well, so it does," Roberts replied.' " That chap looks very intelligent." "Maybe," murmured Smith dejectedly; " but my wife found some long hairs on my overcoat tho other night, and it made mo look absolutely foolish." FAILURE OP THE PLAN. The visiting elder had found it in-' cumbont upoa him to talk seriously with Tammas about his over-indulgenco iu strong drink. Tammas admitted his failing with a solemn shako of tho head. " Do you know what you should do,' my man?" said the elder. " Every time you feel inclined to. go into a public- ■ houso you should just say to .yourself firmly, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" Will you try that plan for a woek or two?" " Tammas agreed, but tho very next week the elder met him coming out of Poosy Nancy's bar. Without waiting for the elder to say anything, Tammas reeled up to him and remarked: " Yer plan didna work, elder, for whenever I said the speil Satan got behind me and pushed me in." RUNNING NO RISKS. Breathless and excited, young Rubinstein rushed into his father's office. " Fader, fader," ho cried, " it's pouring with rain! . Shall I pring in do mon's trousers vot's hanging outsido?", " Vot you say?" queried tho old man, who was very deaf. < "Do men's trousers!" screeched Isaac. ' It's raining—dey're gotting vot!" ■ , ■ " Somepody vants somo flanneletto?" said the old man. "No, no!" yelled Ikey. "It's raining! Shall I pring in do men's trousers? Dev'ro getting vot!" .Then tho seriousness of tho situation dawned upon Rubinstein; "No, my poy!" ho cried. "Never mind do trousers, —doy'll sell for runningknickers; pring in do vatcr-pr.oof coats, or doy'll get soaked through!" SPOILT THE EFFECT. \ The tram was crowded as it toiled up 1 Upper Queen Street, and tho occupants I were listening with' interest to tho high- j tortcd conversation of two stylishly- ! dressed women, one of whom was ac- 1 cornpanied by a small boy. Soon overy- ! one know that ono of tho speakers had,, recontly moved into a " larger houso, . much more up-to-date, you know!" 1 "Do you know," sho said, "wo had J such a trying time getting things in order on tho last occasion wo moved that this timo wo just handed tho house over 1 to Spark.es and Co., and they did everything My husband and I went to i Kotorua until things wero in order." , At this point tho small boy shouted: j Look, mummy, look !" "Such an observant child!" smiled ' his mother. "What is it, Harold?" . " Look, mummy "—and ho pointed to ! a Ilebraic-vis.aged individual on tho pavo- . ment—there's the mau who comes every week for the furniture money I'i