ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20402, 2 November 1929, Page 8 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

W;fe: ** AnS do roa krra ine cH3 ?" Ssabsad: ** Yes, darling—tctt siOL*' Estt: ** Do jo® tiro mxA to t« aloos V' Tail: " >'c, wt vrzzi to be togtifc^r,*'Docgia»: " Yoa are ray £rr- Sere." liila; " Wtat abocl Helen '■'* *" Oh, ibe ■mzs eev last!" Tbssspsoo: "I dos't kscnr -rbii to do /.to plsase set «ife. JdLsks : "Tm=d saicdt, aid ran Mary ; ".Da yoa iHak a girl esc lore before tweet yT" )!2rjw«: "No, I ki':. It's far ior.i L4g an asdieoae." Pe£er: " How's yosr reir>£3jiC« Trfih JLatMeea somgV Paai: "It's goae. jiVe -rere Earrsad last -tr&ek/' Wiggins: " Her keg did yea deep lasi eight V Smsggss; " 3fy fell length—£rt fsei rtin- inches." // ' Qitej: " I take a odd sbenrsr ererv jsorsing/* WiUiair.?: ** Why brag a boa t it!" " Gosh, that's ??hr I take ill'' / . Her Ssitor: "Sir, may I Lave yosr 3sagelrr!." B«sl Estate 3tas: "Yes, but jwfl hare to uga a isro years" ieatse." Gerald: " Hare joa god tot ziA cold izsier is yosr room at the hotel I'" Borj*!d: /"No, rati tepid and lake-Trans." " Didn't 70a bear a boat HI" " No." •** it happened ia yoar c*!ghs.<y3rhood/' *' I ifoaoir—bet roy wife's been asray," Ton. ray: 'They My broadcasting ha* p&tsed the infant stage. I wish the infant n#-xi dcor had paired the brsadcasiiag i.'age." Mother.: " How do yea kno* thai hut has leased to lore yoa ?" Daughter: "He buttons tot gloves t-a-xce as fast as he ttsed to." Mother: "No, darling, I don't think the pi£ wHI be good for vou to-night. It's too heavy,*' Doris: " But, inansnne, I can lift it ."* "Just raa Jack mattered San dr. stop fing at a large advcrliting placard. "Med;cims gJstEg at half-price, and I'm in perfect bea?di." Llitb Girl: " I r.otdtr -why tbey *ay 'Amen' and not 'A^ossen'Her Brother: *' Becanse tbey sing byrnns and isot bent, stopidi'* He: -1 sav—would roa i:l:e to danw this fox-trot l'* Sibe: "Oh, thank yon so nrocbi" He: "Good! I'll go and try to find yob a partner."

A gaiJr/decorated car, inking the rnr-rly-jaame#ccsple from a Belfzst church, iizd va the back in Sarge letters the inscription ; "Atsle ASw.r Hymn."

"BtA/bff U you're a good boy ibis afternoon while I'm ealertaining company, I'll give yoa-3 peony." "A penny: Gee vrbiz, mother, you are always looking for bargahw," .

Judge; /'Your wife complains tisat you never Verged. How about? if, Basic* T" East as: "Dat woman's crazy. Ask her *rk&i -ah *ras doin' de second Tnesday ©b list .August,"

"Yoa recommended this cashier, and •aid be would never steal a pennr, aad now b« hasabsconded with £3000." "Yes, I knew be would begin with swnething more than a penny,"

The traveller was indignant si the ilrrn #peed/of the tram- He appealed to the conductor; " Can't yon go any faster than this?" " Yes," was the reply, bat I hare to stay aboard-"

Little Tommy: " Ohl isn't the monkey like "grandpa." Mother: "Hu'sh; you mustn't say things like that" Little STomrny: " Bnt, mother, the monkey can't -understand me, can he!"

One of the neigh Ixrars had called round, end, sednz Mns. Mnrphy in the yard, inquired : Is llnrphy at tome ?" "Snre, ;*rbere/are your eyes?" vras the replv- " Isn't that his shirt hanging on the line?"

The Cook (after a misunderstanding}: f* Web", ma'am, I've bin to get the jiarton's advice, an' 'e sez as 'ow I'm on no account to give yon notice," bat to consider -vera as my crot3 an' leara. to bear it J"" .

He; "What is the sense of putting ail that trimmiiig on the hack of your hat ? Do you inppose any man can see the back of yoar hat v.hen he meets yon ?" She: "So; '"but every woman will when she passes me,"

A holiday-maker went fishing from the pier and, having pulled up a good-sized plaice, threw it back again. " Why d:d yon do that''" asked a native. " I don't .•want one that's been trod on," said the holiday-maker.

" Hard-work in' little wife you're got, Bill," said the traveller to the small shopkeeper as he watched the man's wife busy in ihe shop. " Jlv word, yes!" replied the shopkeeper. ,r I only wish I 'ad a couple more like "er!"

friends were talkinjj over a projected holiday on the Continent. •" I tar/," said one, " how do we ask for water 5n Paris ?" " ' Avez vons ' —" began the other, then broke off. " But snail we ;want any water in Paris."—

Agent: "I forgot to mention in this country house you're buying there are ttfo old htaincd-glafcs v/indovrs." Mr. Is'ewgiit: " That won't matter. If they're stained too bad to be cleaned, I pan put in some new ones."

Shopman {showing customer golf Blockings): *' Wonderlul value, sir; frorth double the money. Latest pattern, fast colours, 1 holeproof, won't shrink, and it's a very good yarn." Customer; "Yes; and it's very well told, too."

Irate "Old Gent., in telephone kiosk: •*' Hello! Hello! Hello! Exchange ? Get me Central six six." Operator: ■*' Central double six Irate Old Gent.: Get me the number, please, first, and .we'll play dominoes afterwards."

The new parson was calling upon a |fe farmer." I've got to find out'a lot of g|| things about this district-,'' he said; " I r| . anppose you know all the ins and outs of the place ?" " Well, sir," replied the . Tbe'actor was seeking lodgings in a •£'' provincial town. To one landlady he »aid, " What are your lowest terms for C; theatrical artists, madam?"' " Well," replied the landlady, " ' creeping 'oands* if the lowest I've descended to so far.-