SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20300, 6 July 1929, Page 8 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

ALL THE DIFFERENCE. The grocer was busily engaged attending tin* wants of his customers when lie suddenly caught sight, of a small bov | gazing at a large crate of oranges witlr | longing eyes. " Now then, my lad," ]he began " what are you up to':" " Nothing," replied the buy. " Nothing," j echoed the grocer. " Well, it looks to 1 mo as if you were trying to fake one lof those oranges." " You're wrong, mister," retorted the boy promptly, " I'm I trying not to." THE RULING PASSION. They were talking of ilio new member ] in the travellers' club, a Scotsman. " You j know;" observed one humorous soul, " a | Scotsman once lie- gets to London never | goes back home again—unless it's to fetch his brother." • "All," said another man, "may bo: | but there's not nearly sn nianv Scots : coming south these days." "Really?" I questioned tho wit I y ore. " Oh, no." I replied the other. "Tlicy get born in | London nowadays to the fare." I NEVER AGAIN. | The bus pulled into the kerb rind stopi ' peel. " One inside and one out !" cried . i tbo conductor, who was anxious to be on i I his way. I A stout woman, accompanied by a 1 slightly younger replica of herself, attempted to scramble aboard quickly. She . ! stood besitan' on the first step. i ! " Surely you wouldn't separate a mother ! from her daughter''" she asked, as the l conductor motioned the girl upstairs. ! " Never again, lady," ho snapped, giv- ' ing the bell a violent tug. " I did that once, and have been sorry for mesell ever since." | ~~ ■ ! KEEN ON A BARGAIN. I | She was keen on a bargain, was Mrs. I Sbarpe. I The other day she into a diaper's : shop to buy a piece of silk to renovate 1 j an old jumper, and selected about half I a yard at 2s 6d. ' | " Now that I have out this piece off, j madam," ventured the assistant, "it i leaves a remnant of a yard and a quarter, ! won't you take the whole piece?" " How much will you charge me for it?" demanded Mrs. .Sbarpe at once. , j " Er—two shillings." ! " Well, then, I'll take the remnant and i you keep the. half-yard you've cut off. PLENTY OF WEAR YET. Cliles had been sent by his master, a wealthy farmer, to make a few purchases ;in the town. Among the shops lie bad !to visit was his master's tailor. The assistant in this emporium noticed that > Giles really required a new waistcoat, I and ho tried to persuade the old fellow ! to order one there and then, j " Look," he cried, " this is gone, and that's gone! luu d better have a now one." But the old chap shook his head. " No," ho replied firmly. "If me wife puts a now back and front in it, the arm'oles will last for another, year all I right." I LEONARD'S UNLUCKY DAY. j A tea party was being given, and little I Leonard had been given special instruci tions with regard to his behaviour during j the afternoon. As it happened, there was I not a plentiful supply of cakes, and the | small son of the house war. told to leave | the better ones for bis guests. " Nov.*, remember, Lenriie," said | mother, " when the cakes are handed round you must take a plain bun from the bottom of the dish." " Oh, lord." said Leonard resignedly, " just my blinkiri' luck. The bargain basement agaiu!" TAKEN AT HIS WORD. An Irishman was searching the countryside for work. Ife bad no luck until he came to a blacksmith's shop, where the smith was very busy, and asked him if he would care for n job. " I should j think so: just try me," replied the Irisli--1 man. The blacksmith told him to start : right away and get the sledge-hammer, i " Now," said the smith, " I'll take j this bar of iron from the fire and place it | on the anvil, and when. I nod my head I hit it—hard." The Irishman, who wished J to mako a good impression, used all his strength. The poor smith did not nod his head again for quite a while! OUGHT TO KNOW BETTER. Once again the down-at-heel contributor had appeared at the editor's office i with a bundle under his arm. These he I laid on the 'great man's desk. " Here I you are," ho began. " Here are my poems that you refused to touch last year." The editor was rather a short-tempered man. "Take them away!" lie cried, "'fake them away, 1 tell you! If I refused them a year ago, what's the use of bringing them back now?" "Well," said the outraged man. "you've had a year's experience since then." WAITING FOR ORDERS. lie was one of those people who think that other people cannot be entrusted to do anything. They give so many directions that muddles are inevitable. He was going up north on business, and had asked Ins brother to look after bis dog. All the way in the train ho worried about that dog, and when he reached his destination rushed to the post office to send a wire. "Don't forget the dog." Early next morning he was awakened at bis. hotel bv a reply to iiis wire, also j sent bv telegram: " Have fed him, but |he is hungry' again. What shall Ido j now ?" THOSE WIRELESS WIRES. Mrs. Marvel was very angry with her , new maid and resolved to give the girl a severe lecture. She had been into the drawing room after (lie girl was supposed to have dusted it, and discovered a film | of dust on Iho piano. ' " Mary!' she called. " I thought you had done this room ? Look, I could write my name on the piano if I tried." At tins point her attention was sud denly caugli! by a largo cobweb which dangled from the ceiling. " What is that doing there, too?" she said bitterly. " Wei 1, mum " answered the maid, " I'm very sorry but I thought that was part of the master's wireless- set." SOLVING THE PROBLEM. The Browns lived at a corner house, and wero constantly annoyed by people ringing the door bell to ask where other people in the 'road lived. At last the son of the houso decided to put an end to this nuisance. "T don't think there will ho any more trouble," ho said, after spending a whole morning working away under tlio porch. " Well, what liavo you done?" asked Mrs. Brown who was very proud of her son, chielly becauso ho boro a striking resemblance to herself. '' Oh," returned the lad blandly. " I just hung out a little sign I thought of tlio other day: ' ' Nobody lives here 'cept us.' " ,