UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20243, 1 May 1929, Page 16

UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.

Sir, —Having been married 30 years I consider I am in a position to express my views on tbe subject. One must be prepared when married to live within one's means, and not \>-ant to start married life with a home, etc., where .father and mother left off. Nothing Causes family jars so quickly as getting, into debt and getting things one cannot afford; once one gets behind in money matters it is most difficult to get back to scratch again. As children are or should be a natural sequence of married life, one wants to bring up their offspring as pals and companions, and at the same time make them realise the true meaning of "Honour thy father and mother," and also the value of taking their parents into their confidence in all things. Married people must be prepared to make little sacrifices, to give and lake, to endeavour to understand each other's likes and dislikes, and to try to fall in with each other's wishes, and it must be, as far as possible, a 50-50 arrangement. Having brought up a family of which two of the boys are now married, and having the love and confidence of them and their wives as well as the rest of our family, is sufficient proof to us that our policy is the right one. Although there are naturally disagreements at times, I am quite satisfied that if married people were to seriously consider the above they would be happy though married. • Grandpa.

Sir, —I am in heartiest sympathy with tho correspondents who advise greater care and thought in forming alliances. More timo and consideration are often needed. Let peoplo say what they please about the inadvisability of long engagements, there is still much to say in favour of knowing well what you are doing before you do it. A chance meeting, a few social intimacies, agreeable manners, social status, the possession of means—these, after all, arc not fully sufficient. More is required. And that "more" is a careful weighing of pros and cons, health and education, motives and tastes and tact—these and other like things must be surveyed and assessed. This is a largo order, I grant, but no real "order" is too largo when life possibilities aro in tho balance. Arid at tho bottom of this business there must bo downright affection. Soapy, sloppery, spooney sentimentality does not meet the case. Bubbles and froth do not last. Then, too, neither party must bo expected to forfeit personality. Some traits of individuality may havo to go by the board; some likes and dislikes may have to be subordinated to a greater good; but each party must be allowed to l»o his or her own self. It is only a begging of tho question to drag in St. Paul and the imagined superiority of men. After all, the question is not as to who shall rule, but how life shall be best lived. And in mutual consideration based upon mutual affection, and an honest determination to work together for the realisation of tho best that life holds, I believe that the secret of how to be married and happy will be discovered. Blessed Bii.ia\