SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19418, 28 August 1926, Page 3 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

IT DID NOT SEEM LIKELY. Tho dishevelled stranger made his way into the police station. " Are you the sergeant in charge?" he asked. " 1 am," replied the man in uniform, who was seated at a desk and writing in a large ledger. " I'm lost," said the dishevelled man. "You are—eh?" replied the sergeant, as ho continued writing. " Well, if you can prove that anybody's missing you, we'll take up the case." ACCORDING TO ORDERS. " Babinetto, come here. I have something to say to you." Her mother spoke sharply, and the young, slender thing wondered what she could have done to deserve such unkind treatment. " l"es, mother," she answered, " what is it ?" "Last night," her mother began, "you were seen at the tennis club dance sitting on a young man's lap." " But, mother," protested tho girl, " you yourself told me to sit on Tony, if he was at all sentimental." NO MACHINE WORK. A little boy who had lived in London all his life was invited by «i distant relation to spend a week-encf in the country. All his friends complimented him on his luck, but the boy himself was not at all happy at the thought and he refused. Coaxing, argument, pleading, and promises of untold wonders left him cold. " No country for me," was his ultimatum. " But why not ?" asked his father. " Because," replied the son, " they've got thrashing machines down there, an' it's quite bad enough here where it's done by hand!'' A CHEERFUL DOCTOR. "My dear Mrs. Chester!" cried the stout lady. " How very extraordinary! Fancy seeing you here! fell me, how are things in your part of the world?" " Oh, rather pleasant," answered the other. " And "I must tell you, my dear, we've got a new doctor in place of old Stoddy." " Fancy taat! Do tell me, dear. Is he nice ?" " Oh, yes, my dear. Such a charming man," breathed Mrs. Chester. " Always cheerful and smiling. He takes life so easily!" ALL SHE ASKED. Snorting at every step, the wild-eyed man dashed up the garden path and hammored at the new front door of the " desirable bungalow." A calm young woman answered his summons. " Madam," he bellowed. " I live next door, and have come to tell you that that sort of yours has thrown a brick through my greenhouse!" " How interesting," replied the calm j young woman. " Would you mind returning the brick ? We are keeping all these souvenirs of his childish pranks. They will bo interesting when he grows up." MISSING HIS MEAL. There was an earnest conversation in progress in the old White Bear. Tom Bodger, the village grumbler, was complaining of the meanness of the new mistress at the farm where he worked. " Jarge," he cried, " she's as mean as ditchwater." " That's tarriblc," muttered George slowly and thoughtfully. "Yes." continued old Tom; " this morning she asked me how many eggs I was goin' to eat, and I told 'or as 'ow I never counted 'em." " ' Well,' she says, 'that last one'was the seventh,' And it made me so mad that I jest got np and walked off to work without any breakferst." IRRITATING. Although ho was only a tenderfoot, the young Englishman had achieved a rather lurid reputation as a gunman. In fact, he even boasted of his beautiful silverplated, pearl-handled baby-revolver. One evening, when visiting a saloon in Texas, he exhibited the " gun " to a group of hard-bitten, sunburnt cowboys, each of whom carried a huge .45 with a barrel nearly as long as a carbine. They looked at the tenderfoot's weapon, and then one witheringly drawled: " See here, young feller, if ever you was to shoot me with that thing, and I found it out I'd sure go fur yer bald-headed !" THEIR BREAD AND BUTTER. Tho old lawyer found that his business was becoming a little moro than ho could handle, and ho decided to turn over part of it to his son. Some months afterwards the young man, beaming with pleasure, sauntered into his father's office. " Dad," ho exclaimed, " remember old Banker's case ? Well, I've settled the whole affair in three weeks and we've been working on it ten years." "Settled!" gasped the old man. " Settled! Why, my dear boy, 1' gave yon that case as an annuity.. I've brought up the whole family on it—you included." A ONE-MAN JOB. Although there had been merely a difference of opinion in the western township, it later had serious results in the local saloon. Two gunmen, both with shooting reputations, had drawn their revolvers on one another, and the proprietor, becoming alarmed at tho ensuing riot, sent for the Hangers stationed in the next town When the train pulled in at the station only one Ranger alighted. Nonchalantly he walked forward and got his horse from the van. He mounted. "Where are the others?" cried the crowd. " Others '!" drawled the Ranger. " Say, you've only got one riot, ain'tcha ?" MISUNDERSTOOD. "It's a very funny thing,'' observed Bartlet, in the men's club one evening, " that you can't always tell when people are threatening you, even when you hear what they say." " Why, I don't see that," put in one of the other members. " I should always know." "Well," said Bartlet, "let mo give you an instance. The other evening I went round to Cotteiill's place, and just before I left he told me that if I cared to wait his wife would sing." Yes?" " Well, when he said that 1 thought ho was promising me something. But after a bit I found out that it had been a threat." A MODERN MAID. Pamela was three years old and, like most little girls, extremely fond of games of " make believe." liei latest craze was " playing telephones," and her parents had bought her a pair of imitation instruments. Now, Pamela's grandmother was fully aware of the child's lancy, and one evening, when Pamela had proved to be rather obstreperous about having her bath, the old lady thought she would try a little strategy. Picking up one end of the toy telephone, she called: "Hallo! Is that Pamela ? It's time yon had your bath, dear." But Pamela was not to be coaxed. Hastily she banned down her receiver and yelled: " Wrong number!"