SONGS OF A GUM-DIGGER.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LX, Issue 18565, 24 November 1923, Page 3 (Supplement)

SONGS OF A GUM-DIGGER.

BY F.B. *' > l *y,.v' : Ohthe lilt of a . laugh's in the' Gum-dig-ger's song. 4 ~i . ,s " " V As he steadily trudges "along—along 7 ; " Tho' the world" gangs, awry—tho' the world gangs wrong . ■ There's tho lilt of a laugh in the Gum- j digger's song! ~ • Oh the clay's mighty hard, •, : . . An' the gum's awful slick . An' it's hard on the back / If you ain't learnt the trick!: • An the mudit's d—m —tion '. An' yer boots—full. o' slush (An' the language you use;! Lor'— parson would blush !) But the lilt of a laugh in the Gum-dig-ger's song - - , ' -- ' " Clears many a quarrelrights many a wrong— " , • If . the world is awry— the World is all wrong. ' ■ There's the lilt of a laugh in the Gum- • digger's song ■} There's the mate who went "out" When tHe cliff went aslide— An' we dug for a week •Ere we found where he died! Then we drank a long health To the place where he'd gone An' sev'ral more healths ; To the good he'd not done! Oh— lilt of . a laugh in the Gum-dig-

, gers song • , , As we tried to remember some good he But ,the "words grew befuddled! (the rum it was strong!) _ ' An' the lilt grew profane in the Gumdigger's song ! When the sun rose next day He revealed *o our sight Six half-tipsy .figures Who'd slep' out all night! Then grim revelation Pierced half drunken brain— And — should'ring our spades We set out again ! r , Oh—the lilt of laugh in tho Gum-digger's

song V Was very subdued ! An' the way it was long ! An' the world was all right] It was we who were wrong T'was a right-humble . lilt in the Gumdigger's song !. Then we buried hi:",- rightly, An' one said a prayer '• We'll take it Kind — Gord If yer'll let 'im lie there, An forget tjio small trouble, We made yesterday . . (An' then 'e dried up 1 As he'd no more to say ... j ' There's the lilt of a laugh ;in the . Gumdigger's song V v V As he steadily trudges along—Along. Fop his heart vis all right ! Tho' his way's sometimes wrong There's the lilt of a laugh in the Gun)r digger's wngl

ODDS AND ENDS. . — «*!*■ " Your new partner's a terrible dancer, Dot." "I know—but, oh, gosh, how he can sit out!" . . ■ J,// The Man-With-One-Joke should be required by law to keep a list of the people he has already told it to. . • * . 1 '• '. . . ■ i' • • * Guest: " This steak is like leather, and the knife is blunt!" Waiter: "Sharpen the knife on the steak, sir " Doctor, have you ever a made a serious mistake " Only once. leaned a millionaire in three visits!" Mama,'" said a little boy, whoihad been sent to dry a towel before the'fee, "is it done when it is brown?" Wife: "It says here ihat every third child born is Chinese." Husband: "It's a good thing we've only got two." "When is that painter coming to do your house ?" "Always to-morrow. I thank he's one of those Futurists we hear about." ... . .. . ' " And remember this," said the indignant woman to her husband, "you may lie something in the city, but you're nothing much at home." Cholly: "My dentist told me that I Had a large cavity that needed filling." Maudie: " Did he recommend any special course of study 1" Rich Boasting Uncle: " I made two millions in less than two years, my boy! Sheer pluck didjt!" "Whom did you pluck, Uncle Dyspeptic Diner (intent on the food) J "What is that, waiter?" Waiter "•(interested in the band): " That's a bit of The Merry Widow, sir." /"' ' The Vicar: " So you like the country! Are your hens pood ' layers?". Mabel (fresh from town): "Topping! They haven't laid a bad egg yet!' . . • " How can you let your daughter marry young Anderson ? . You are deadly enemies!" . " Yes. . Ana now he'll hare my wife as his mother-in-law."- . " Lady,, could •. yer gimme a quart to get where me family is?" -. i "Certainly,» my poor man, here a quarter,, 1 Whew is your family ?"/ { , k . "At d& movies."-. Aged Criminal on being sentenced to life imprisonment) ■to judjp: " Oh, my lord, I shall never live to do it!" Judge: "Never mind. Do as much of it as you. can." , : v ' : <;i ,- ■ Mrs. Jones: "Is Mrs.- Ponsonby an active member of your • sewing ciraei" "My goodness, no! '% She never has a word to say—just sits there and sews all the time." ,'.V ' " Jack says when we are married ha won't allow me much out of his sight." "Oh, don't bother about that, my dear! Has he said how much he'll allow ; you oat of his income?" Vice Captain: "Why, Jarge! - What'; . have you put young Alf in last for—out , best bat, too ' Captain: '" So he may be—but he ain't »bin.'up i once this- week to 'elp - roll. the pitch!" - Doctor: "Ah, if your husband could be. induced to follow my last prescription, all your troubles would be ov»»r.".- Wife: > " They would," : sir!; He made me pour - it down the drain, sir." • ' r Junior Partner: "I : don't ' think ' that firm's . sound." <■ Senior Partner: ".What makes you think so?" -■ Junior Partner: " Well, you never hear them grumbling about how bad things are!" Mrs. De Vere: -• "I suppose now that you have been abroad you nave your own *; views of foreign life?" Mrs. Profiteer: l • " No, we ain't got no views. -• We didn't. ■ take no camera, it's so common."" *"/'"■ •■• ' ' " Can I sell you a set of Shakespeare ?'V .' asked the affable agent.- " I don't think so," replied the patient . person, "but I won't say for sure. .. After thinking over - a lot of things I've been pursuaded to buy* almost anything seems possible." : .

" Tell -me, doctor," queried. the • charming young thing: to the Harley . Streetman at the dinner 5 party; " are you partial to lobster salid 1" "Not exactly, partial to it," replied the medico judicially, " but . extremely, grateful to - it; I assure you." •

• " Will yoa give . me . ..something to drink ?" •: he asked, faintly of ; the num.< " Certainly," said- the 1 nurse, offering 'hint} a glass of water. Ho put out his; hand - feebly! '■ Give it; to me in a teaspoon,i please," : he whispered, huskily, ' until I get used to it."

At a. Bohemian dinner the very young, lady found herself seated next v. tothe Fleet Street writer, of ; ; great, renown.; " Toll me," said the young lady earnestly,', " are you fond of ; Zola Th« journalist pretended to look ; puzzled 'for a moment, and then he asked " Which Zola; do you mean, my dear lady, Emile or Gorgon 1 -

1 i • "*• ■ •> , " I'm looking formy ideal dog," •- the lady lin ' the* canine-fancier's shop. "I'd like one with ; a v head ; rather like _ a collie and a body .after; the style of. an "• Irish terrier, •' only with longer hair * and " nice, distinct markings. Do you : keep dogs like that?" The dog fancier shook his head >sadly. . " No, ma'am," .he said, " I drowns 'em." . ' " I wish," said the little invalid who was being washed in bed, '".that I need never, never have .to be washed again. "I'm afraid," said mamma gently, that as long as you have me to take care of you, you'll have to reconcile yourself to: f be washed thoroughly every day.' The invalid pondered for a moment. Then, said she, " I shall marry very early. "I tell you I won't have this 1 room," protested the old lady to the hotel page . who was conducting her. "I am ta-eoin - to pav all that money for a pokey-hole - with a little fold in' bed in it If you think that just because I m from the ? country—Profoundly disgusted, (the boy cut her short:—"Gei in. r mum. Get m. This ain't your bedroun. This «» the \ lift." -• ■' /■ ■ , \ A very deaf old lady was plaintiff in an action for damages in connection with a 4 street accident. The judge, finding the case tedious, suggested a compromise and asked the plaintiff's counsel Co inquire what ::i she would take to settle the case. •. lordship wants to know what you will take," roared the learned counsel into the old lady's ear. A smile spread over > her face as she replied, "I am very much obliged to his lordship, % r I think I wouW ; like a drop of gin!" j One of the usual " four " for bridge had failed at the last moment, and a «ay, rfriend from next door kindly filled the gap.. 0 She had slight knowledge of the game, - and before " long committed elementary " howlers," playing the King, unnecessarily, on her opponent 8 Ace. But, - , partner," exclaimed her host, when th« hand had been played, " surely you know , ,? a King cannot beat" an Ace!" "I know that," replied the lady,: sweetly, i. " but Xf thought I'd let it have a try t,, '* } At a recent luncheon i Sir : William Z*»R< rence told a i story concerning 1 - the vice-i ?? chancellor of one of, the- universities—not -0 Oxford University, explained Sir William —who was anxious to show during the air, raids r that it - was possible to keep-calm. When a raid began he got out of and proceeded to ; dress, being particularly care- a ful about ;■ the - set vof »• his tie. When *»■» ; appeared among his friends and assort' ,i them how calm and «collected fhe w, o: them remarked;.'' That'- all rigiftr«« \ man,! but why haven't JP U * iP® 5 ; on I"