THINGS IN GENERAL.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13725, 15 April 1908, Page 9

THINGS IN GENERAL.

CLASSIFYING LABOUR. : Lv Joseph Ward still I like mysteriously about amending the Arbitration Act. and !. •; Ossifying the workc-s-a most, "revoluJiniiarv" proposal, and utterly ,ppo ? cd .to . £lism: That in this enlightened age ,1 - • 'should- he seriously proposed to classify workers so that the man who does most ' ' work shall receive most pay, or the loan '■" - who does his work better than another ' .hall receive better pay than the other,, " Items inexplicable. Why should one. man receive better treatment than another? Why should there bo this preference shown ilPto the man of ability and intelligence.' Preference to unionists, certainly—no man has a right to cam a living if lie doesn't join a union, because it shows his innate. selfishness, and selfishness of that kind is a thing not to be tolerated. And yet here's a gentleman who talks in this re- ,, volutionary way about classifying people. I "'■ '■■ Does he not recognise that to do such a £ thing would be placing a premium on industry and thrift, and would lead to all manlier of trouble? At present, under a ;/ wise., dispensation of Government, a drone '. nlaV live as comfortably as the most in- :' v dustrious worker, but to seriously propose that the industrious should receive more '•"V • pay than his fellow-man is entirely be- -'„ ' yond reason, and opposed to the principles ■'.-; of absolute equality, and we- must all prepare to resist it to the uttermost. WhoV-,-. ever in these days would dare to suggest that brains should be paid for?—that the ; man who has more brains than the other ' man should receive more pay? It may be ::. quite true that his value to his employer : and to the community at large is greater, ' : but in the light of modern reasoning that _~ r , jjs no argument. Are not all men born equal, but it seems as if we are only now ; .: beginning to realise the truth of the state- . ment and to see the truth is observed. If - S a man is born brainy, or industrious, that v--..- is his misfortune, and he's got to put up V with it. Why should ether men have to suffer for it? The next thing we'll be hearing of will be a proposal to classify- ' .. the women for marrying purposes—class A for men of class A, class B for men of .class 15, and so on. ..Which, by all the .rules of Euclid, and other authorities is j not to be done. The millionaire will still - insist on running away with a ballet-girl ■ if he feels like it, and the butler will still drive away with the rich lady in her motor car, and marry her. And why shouldn't .>. "..■ they? I hope that love, at all events, : will always be held as something sacred. Sir Joseph Ward may not be a Revolution- !/ ary Socialist, but his ideas on some things are certainly very revolutionary, and cal- .,.' culated to'destroy the whole fabric of society.

A LEAP YEAR RECORD. "It can never be," said the lady. "I oa.n never be your wife. There is something- lacking." Her eyes had a cold, steely expression, and her face was colourless. "Ah. tell me what it is, my sweet! Don't keep me in suspense! You know I would do anything for you." But she only went on staring vacant ly at the fireplace. ."You have but to command me, and I will do anything you ask. , Shall I die for .you?" . , Algernon," she s:iid—and she gave him & look of pity—"you have never broken a record!" She sank sorrowfully on th>3 cushion. "You have nothing to show," the went on; "you have never come out top:in your university examinations. You have never made 'a century.' You have nobfaatedfor AQ.days, ..You. have not wpH, a sculling ■ championship. You have not dug with a spade for £0 hours without a break. You have not swung the clubs for 60 hours. You have not played the piano for two days and nights: without a stop." "But, dearest, you said:you wished I would not play the piano so much.'" He made a move for the piano corner. No, don't, Algernon. Not the piano. But there are other things. Have you ever put up a record of any kind?" He thought earnestly, but no light came to him. "No," she went on, " never. Everybody else but—you— And yet, you ask me to marry you!" fie grew nettled. "Have you' broken any records?" he asked. She turned a look oi scorn on him. " A woman never breaks records," she answered. , .., "Well, I know one who has 'proposed to me three times already this year," he snapped. And the tone of his voice, backed up by the fact that it was Leap Year, carried conviction. " Algernon !" She moved three paces to the right. "That's a record," he persisted. ' three times I have refused her, because— because—" "You disgust me!" ( "The fourth time—who knows?' "Stop, you horrid man! 1 never would have believed it of you!" For a .space there was silence, broken only by the ticking of the clock. ""Rosalind, dearest, say you will be mine, .and I'll refuse her a fourth time. Surely, that will be a record!" She melted, and he moved three paces to the right, and put his arm around her. "Oil, Algernon "Mv Rosalind!" . He 'kissed her. He kissed her so many times that he broke all records in that line, and when he had finished, and had put thequestion once again, and she said Yes." she said it in the sweetest voice on record, and forgot all about crabs and spades and ■such-like, and thought only of hearts and "diamonds.

WHAT AN ADVERTISEMENT DID. Well, that affair ended up very nicely, " aud I hope they'll got married and Jive : happily ever after. But it's when you're married that the trouble really begins (says His Nibs), and lie drew my attention to a newspaper clipping giving particulars of a ?■•:■': very pretty quarrel between a husband and . ; wife in Paris. Sitting together during a long winter evening, a, married couple felt y\ rather dull, and the husband suggested as a diversion that an advertisement from him :■.. as a single man looking for a pretty partner - .■ in life, inserted in one of the daily papers, would procure them no end of amusement. ; : His better half consented, and the following advertisement appeared there a - distinguished, well-bred lady, of beautiful : appearance, between 30 and 40 years of age, ■- :: - capable of deep affection, who would wish to throw in her lot with a lonesome man?" . Of course, replies poured in from all over. .the country, and the husband found no greater delight than, answering the letters of his fair correspondents, who vaunted their charms in no measured terms. The -wife thereupon grew jealous, disputes fol- ."•' lowed, and the whole thing is now about X- to be decided in the Divorce Court. The . lady brings forward the advertisement as •V- X, her chief argument, and the husband retorts bv alleging that she was an accomplice ; ' : - "■ but meanwhile it is not stated whether he has burned the addresses of all his fair cor- , respondents. This is what the wife wants to know. and. at any rate, his having turned .1 joke into a serious offence is, she contends, sufficient ground for divorce. The Courts will s>x>ii decide who is right. It only goes to ssbow how necessary it is for a man, once he's married, to cultivate his imaginative faculties, for as sure as ho flunks there are other women in the world ' besides his wife he runs the risk of the. filing-pin, or woim>. What he's got to V do is to fancy his wile is the only woman 'alive, and look upon others of the sex at. " rank impostei.s aud imitators. If by acci dent he should talk to one he must forget '': about it immediately afterwards, and Jet mention the .fact. ,Xt home. They say HI woman is .sweet, but unreasonable.

ALL .'OVER A GARTER. " Why,"';said His ibs, "I. was only read in' the other day about a grocer get-tin' married, an' it seems as if the trouble starts i? soon as the marriage service is over, for the same night, instead of takin' 'is bride to tiie country, he , found 'imself hi gaol. I'm notwgoin to say anything about >mc an' Mrs. Nibs, though she 'as 'er faults, .because I don't believe in draggin' family matters into public discussions. Well, there-.-was this grocer. It was a Parisian affair, an'' (lie garter caused all the trouble. The best man was a believer in old customs, an' 'c thought 'e 'ad a right to the bride's garter. So what docs 'e do in the evenin', when they all sat round the dinner .table drinkin' of the wine, but creep under the table in search of the gaiter. It seems the bride was sotne'at 'ysterieal, an' as soon as she was touched she screamed. An' then the bridegroom kicked 'is best man in the face an' knocked 'is teeth in, so as 'c 'ad to so to the 'oßnital to be repaired. The bridegroom fairly lost 'is 'ead, an' then turned 'is attention to 'is mother-in-law, an' blackened 'er eye. No doubt 'e was drunk. The restaurant proprietor shut 'im up in a separate room, an' - what does 'e do but smash everything there. Then the police arrived, an' took 'im to the station, leavin' the bride cryin' in 'er mother's arms. It's bad enough to get married, but when a man gets drunk on top of it. there's the divil to pay. When Pat stood in the dock charged with assault an' battery, they asked 'im what 'e an" 'is friend 'ad at the first place they stopped; an' 'four glasses of ale' says 'e. ' Next'.'' says they. ' Two glasses of whisky' says 'e. ' Next?' says they. 'One glass of brandy.' says 'e 'Next'/' says they, 'A fight,' says 'e. Even a grocer '!! fight if 'e's encouraged like that, an' my opinion is that these weddin' breakfasts an' champagne suppers an' garter tricks should be put down. Silly old custom, anyway, is garters! They want 'putt in' down!" The Genkual. X*