AUSTRALIAN RAILWAY ANECDOTES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIII, Issue 13286, 19 September 1906, Page 10

AUSTRALIAN RAILWAY ANECDOTES.

THE FUSSY COMMISSIONER

One.of the Railway Commissioners in Australia is noted for his ofliciousness on busy occasions, and whilst the Federal members were touring his lines, in 1905, .he managed to make a laughing stock of himself. In one of his busiest stations, as the Federal members were entraining, he made himself conspicuous by hustling the passengers into the train, slamming the doors, calling to them to take their seats, and acting " porter" in a general way. One of the State members, who was with the party, stood watching the proceedings with bis bands stuck in his coat packets, and a look of unconcern on his face. The Commissioner thereupon requested him to take his seat. As the member look no notice of this he was seized by the coat collar, and hauled to the carriage door. This was too much for the member, aud he shook off the grip of the would-be potter, and indignantly asked him to desist. The Commis- ' sioner, with a snort of disgust, said: ''The train's, going, man, and you will be left behind." Much was the surprise, and chagrin of the Commissioner, to say nothing of the amusement of the passengeis, when the member calmly said, "Oh! That's all right, old man, I never intended going." A LONG WAIT. One dreamy day in Kalgoorlie railway station, in West Australia, an elderly Jew, with an enormous gray heard, was' seated on a box awaiting the arrival of the PerthKalgoorlie express. A porter, who considered himself a trine smart, remarked while passing, "Say, old man, how long did it take you to glow that bead'.'" "Veil," said the Jew, "I vas coom here long time ago, and vait for der express ; and I sit and sit, and der viskers grow. See, mine son." AN INTELLIGENT PORTER. At a large marshalling station, near Melbourne, one morning at daybreak, an old Irish porter was having forty winks pending the arrival of a passenger train. Suddenly he was aroused from his slumbers by a hiss of steam and the rush of a train along the platform. Rushing out. and failing to see that it was a cattle train, he ran along calling out, "All change." When he reached the engine the driver laughingly told him he was calling the wrong train. At once Pat rushed back yelling with all bis might, " Kape yer sates! Kape ver sates!" EASILY LOCATED. An Irishman was given a. start on an Australian railway station, which had an unpronounceable native name. This was a source of annoyance to Pal, and as the first train was arriving he was in a fever as to how lie would call out the name. However, just as the train was slowing up, a bright idea struck him. and planting himself beside the name-board he sang out, "Sure now, this is where yez are." RED TAPE. Here is an instance of the red-tapeism which is too often carried to the extreme on the Australian Government railways. Each depot station is supposed to forward daily to the chief traffic manager a return of all train loads. On one station, at a very busy time, the number " snateher" was told off as assistant shunter, and as headquarters did not send anyone to till his place the trains came and went for about a week, and not a number or load was recorded. At the-end of the week the chief traffic manager wired for the returns, but received the reply, "Cannot furnish. Numbers and loads not recorded. Letter of explanation following." Upon receiving this the O.T.M. wired: "Returns must be furnished." . That night two of the staff sat down and made out a week's returns, guessing the numbers, class, and contents of the trucks, also the numbers of the engines, and sent, them in next day. This was the last of the affair.