LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXI, Issue 9611, 8 September 1894, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

" ire hare audience for a word or two." —Shakespere. The poetic frenzy still rules amongab our legislators. At one time we had in politics men of high education, men possessed with the vision and the faculty divine—such men, for instance, as Alfred Domett and J. E. Fitzgerald. Bub at that time wo had not many poetic outbursts in the House the members then had more sense. Last week I quoted five or six verses, making about half a page of Hansard, of most absurd stuff, which ib would be flattery to call "doggerel." These were composed and recited to the House by Mr. E. M. Smith, the representative of New Plymouth, and they are embalmed in Hansard for ever, to the everlasting shame of those who submitted to the infliction of listening. I thought we were done with poetry in Hansard, and that Mr. Smith's exhibition had put an end to the farce. Whab was my horror when I opened No. 16, to find that Mr. Frank Lawry spouted some sixty lines of his own entitled, " Where is the Perfect State ?" They are a parody on the lines recited here by Sir Robert Stout, by Mr. Robert Buchanan. Mr. Lawry said that ib *as customary to finish up every speech Dn the Financial Statement with a little poetry. I gave Mr. E. M. Smith's verses, just to show what Parliamentary humanity can achieve, but I really must draw the line at the effusion of the member for Parnell. Here are a few of the gems :— •lis where no beer is seen, 'Tis where no "Stout " has been, 'Tis where the House is pure, No shams can there allure, For in this perfect State No disappointed blate Cries aye for place. Tis where the true man's might Aids Ministers when right, Nor vex them every night For hope of gain. "Lis where no yelping curs Or Opposition slurs Are ever thrown, Dumb dogs are not about. Folks never imbibe "Stout," Hence graceful grown. Twice the author is obliged to drag in this original pun about "Stout." Mr. Lawry deplored greatly that Sir Robert Stout was not present to hear his "poetry," in which he had so cleverly made use of his name. The word " blate," which occurs in the sixth line I have quoted, should obviously be " blade," it slang word for a man, but the author regards ib as within the rules of poetic license to . make it blate, to rhyme with State. Mr. Lawry has certainly not "vexed Ministers every night for hope of gain." Bub there is such a thing as pleasing Ministers for hope of gain, and may that not be as great a political crime ? A few pages further on, Mr. Reeves, who really could do something a few shades better than Mr. E. M. Smith or Mr. Lawry, fails back on Tennyson ; then Mr. T. Mackenzie quotes a poem from Punch, and a parody on Burns's Holy Willie's Prayer, directed at Mr. W. Hutchison, of Dunedin. Every speaker almost thinks it incumbent on him to make a poetic quotation Mr. Smith and Mr. Lawry are the only ones who trust to their own unaided genius. No. 17 has a poetic quotation by Mr. W. Hutchison, but on the whole it is pretty free, having got out of the region of set speeches into questions and small bills. The House has recently passed amended standing orders, one of which ordains that no member is to speak for more than one hour. 1 would suggest that a standing order be passed that no member shall be allowed on any account to quote verse of his own composition.

The late Maori King Tawhiao had a /quint in one of his eyes, which detracted i good deal from his dignity. As all anecdotes respecting monarchs are interesting, I may say how he gob it. A company of strangers one day arrived ab the settlement where he was residing. Maori etiquette is most exacting in such a case in requiring that food shall be at once prepared for the strangers. Tawhiao did not think thab his people were alert enough in getting up a fire to cook food ; he seized an axe, and with his own royal hands commenced to knock chips off a log. A piece of wood struck him in the eye, and spoiled ib for his life. He bore about with him during all his royal career an evidence that he was zealous in carrying out the customs of his fathers, and was "given to hospitality." His people, however, thought that he was to blame ; they said that ib was a judgment upon him from the gods, because as a chief of high rank he ought nob to have taken any active part in preparing wood for a fire at which food was to be cooked, [t would have been more befitting his dignity to have brained a slave for being sluggish than to have cub up firewood himself.

Mr. Justice Conolly made a remark the other day that he was an abstainer from alcoholic liquors, but that he was not a supporter of the temperance party, because, as he said. " they were too intemperate for me." He is forthwith taken to account by the Rev. W. J. Williams, who says that the temperance party takes its stand upon scientific testimony " that alcoholic liquors are in nowise necessary for tho healthful discharge of any of the duties of life." The reply to this would be, that scientific testimony is not agreed on this point. And even if it were, I claim a right of private judgment—a right to take alcoholic liquors if I think them beneficial or advantageous, even though they may not be girictly necessary. No man on the face of {she earth confines himself to what is "absolutely necessary," which really is a very vague definition. But the intemperance of the temperance party is shown by their claim to vote for the prohibition of all sale or import of these liquors. That is to say, the Rev. W. J. Williams claims to go to the polling-booth, and because he does not use spirits or wines, to endeavour to prohibit me, Mercutio, from the opportunity of obtaining these, although I may have come to the conclusion, from scientific testimony and experience, thab they are necessary for my health, or are beneficial to me. However, if all temperance writers and speakers were as reasonable as Mr. Williams, neither Mr. Justice Conolly nor " Mercutio " would need to make any protest.

In the City Council elections, this year, there appear to be contests only in two wards. Ponsonby, having the largest number of voters, has two contestants; whilst Grafton, the most compacb ward, and now with the least requirements at the hands of the Council, but with the smallest, number of voters, has brought out four aspirants to occupy her allotted arm-chair in the Council Chamber. This, at first sight, appears remarkable, but the honour of the thing (and the little expense attached thereto), or, as one candidate puts it, " the popularity, you know," supplies the cause and effect. " Grafton wants nothing, and, by Jove ! she can have it," whispers another now aspirant. "Place aux Dames" makes me speak first of the lady nominated for this ward. Her hobby for aspiring to the seat cannot be with a desire to repeal the dog tax, for she possesses no canine pets, like a former lady candidate whom Grafton rejected.

The contest, in Grafton Ward promises to be lively. At present it is a quadrangular combat between Mrs. Endean, Mr. George Powiey, Mr. W. B. White, and Mr. R. Garlick. Mr. Powley says that when he informed Mrs. Endean that if she stood he would retire in her favour, he was joking. That gentleman's jokes are generally of the ghastliest description, and it is no wonder that the lady did not see his joke. His tactics on this occasion have been of the most shifty description—not to put too fine a point upon it—while Mrs. Endean's policy, on the contrary, is a spirited one, inasmuch as she fails to see why there should be a bar to her advent 1;o the City Council on account of her sex. Mrs. Endean, though the landlady of an hotel, expresses her satisfaction that the Bellamy at the City Council Chamber has been closed, and if elected she will nob "Give it a Name," at the Municipal Chambers, It is rash to predicb the out*

come of & race till, the numbers are up, bub a good many people are inclined, on the occasion of the t running for the Grafton Plate, to give the' " grey mare" a show. I hold to my old creed, " The Survival of the Fittest 1"

Lovely woman is scoring heavily in every sphere. Even at the City Freshwater Baths, all through the present bitter winter, Miss Harrison, of Victoria-street, has been a constant visitor to the baths, and had her matutinal dip. Mr. Arthur Meyer has been a good second, while Dr. Moir, who formerly occupied the coign of vantage, is now a bad third. He is too busy dipping into the pockets of his numerous patients (influenza explains all) to admit of finding time to dip into the bathe. The Children's Flower Show has led the children to cultivate a love of flowers, but it is a curious coincidence that some " children of larger growth" have developed a love of" pot plants at the same time. Mr. Campbell, dairyman, of Ponsonby, has had his experiences." On Monday nighb, his finest ""pot-planb was abstracted from the window, a pane of glass having been cut out with a diamond. On Thursday night a second one disappeared. It goes without saying that they are nob on exhibition. There were several hundreds of ladiss at the Y.M.C.A. the other afternoon to inspect Powell's system of dress-cutting and fitting. Mr. Powell's invention consists of five pieces, termed " The Lightning Waist Fitter." The popular belief has always been that " a lightning waistfitter" was "a coat sleeve with an arm in it." Powell says that's where they make the mistake, as his patent is " the only one." Mercutio,