THE ANTIQUITY OF WIT.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 8664, 5 September 1891, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE ANTIQUITY OF WIT.

SHOWING HOW MOST JOKES ARE CHESTNUTS. There are learned men who hold that every- witticism current in our day was invented by the midiefib G't'dsits. This seems grotesque beyond deseripfclbn to meit who are iiofc learned • but those pedantd are terribly quick to prove their case oil challenge. Not only (says a writer in the St. Jtimes'Gazette) were our best jokes invented some thousand of years ago—more than that, 1. icy Woi*6 Written ddtt'il; more etill, they have been preserved. , lb does nob follow that iftoderii Wits lire all plagiarists } bat they lie open to suspicion. When an elderly gontlbitiiifi Who takes tins View hears the very lasb good story from bhe Stock Exchange or the last shrewd repartee from the Bar mess, if he cannot name, its antique origin forthwith, lie is not the less Convinced that ib Would bo found "ill the Gtofilt" upon Careful search: The theory is somewhat depressing for ingenuous individuals. Those who have reached the acme of culture do nob mind, of course. That acme was well exhibited in our heating once upon a time; A grave scholar observed with resignation, u The real interest of bhe human story came to an end at the death of Philopoomen." One cannot Well get beyond that point in the way of culture. Mortals privileged to climb so high regard it as the tnosb natural thing in the world that the Greeks should have used up all the possibilities of wit. Tile attention of the writer was drawn to this theory in boyhood. A humorous tale, which every Schoolboy grins at how perhaps, reached his ears and tickled them. On the very day , following lie came Heroes it in the "Cent NouvelltSs Nouvelles," then lately discovered and published by Mr. 'Thomas Wright. Overcome With surprise, lie ventured to point out the odd coincidence ; when that fine scholar, no way impressed, calmly showed tho real original ill one of the Milesian Fables, as old as the Christian era at least. And then ho broached the terrible creed we have mentioned, illustrating it afiioiig the very best jokes we could recall. Such an experience in early years is cruel. Suspicion attached itself to each new drollery we heard from that time, " sicklying o'er" our laughter with a " pule cast of thought." Who was it made that jest or told that story two thousand years aero is a question that arose irresistibly henceforward. In What classic author can it be found So universal has our distrust become, that the words quoted from "Hamlet" in the last sentence cause an uncomfortable feeling. Can ib be thab Shakespere read Juvenal? In that terrific description of the fall of Sejanus, which he Would never forget, assuredly, if it caught his eye, the melting of the favourite's statues makes a grand passage. " Tho fires hiss, the bronze glows, great Sejanus is crackling ! And now from that head, second to one only in the universe, pipkins, basins, pans are made." Compare, as the scholiasts say, the noble dust of Alexander stopping a beer-barrel. The same circumstances, no doubt, must stir the same thoughts from time to time in one mind among the thousands subjected to them, as happened probably in this case, but such coincidences are worth noting briefly. A famous story is current all over Europe of some Spanish General in the last generation—ib really matters little which. The priest invited him to forgive his enemies. "I have none," the dying man replied ; " I have shot them all." The inventor of this legend may have never heard the sarcasm which Flaminus addressed to the conquered King of Macedon ; but it bears a suspicious similarity. When Philip attended the conference for peace lie objected to the greab retinue of - his adversary. "Why such a crowd of followers?" he said. "I am quite alone." "No wonder you are alone," FlaminUS answered, " when you have killed off all your friends and relatives." It is plain that an unscrupulous retailer of good things will enjoy a great advantage in the times at hand when classic scholarship is banished from our systom of education. Already, indeed, the bold plagiarist has a fair chance of impunity. There was much talk and some correspondence in the newspapers lately over the exclamation of a learned judge, whoso remarks were loudly applauded. " Havo I been talking nonsense, then ?" he asked. We must nob doubt that these words were used as a quotation ; but among tho criticisms which they provoked we did nob observe that anyone identified them. Phocion made the same bitter jest under the same circumstances, in the samo words, when cheered by the public of Athens. Everyone knows the story attributed to Douglas Jerrold—or, as some have it, to Charles Lamb—of which the point is, "Can nobody whistle it." We have met with an old gentleman who heard it delivered. Since the fact is thus certified and neither of those wits laid claim to recondite scholarship, we are to suppose that the identity of the jest with that accredited to Demon ax, nearly 2009 years before, was merely a singular coincidence. A Sophist was boasting of his universal knowledge in philosophy. "If Aristotle challenge mo to the Lyceum," he said, " or Plato to the Academy, or Zeno to the Porch, 1 am ready to meet him. If Pythagoras call mo, I can be silent." Demonax pub up his hand. " Hark " said he, " Pythagoras calls you !" Tho great logician, Dr. Samuel Clarke, is not to be suspected of plagiarism ; but persons less conversant with antiquity assign to his wit a remark which he himself would have assigned to the proper authority, we hope. A visitor, entering when he was " larking" roughly with some friends, as his manner was, Dr. Clarke called out, "Stop! stop! hero comes a fool!" Exactly the same anecdobo is told of Agesilaus, King of Sparta. Who made Roger Bacon the hero of a story which Luciati told of Pancrates, a priest of Memphis? Nobody can say; but it is still current, under the change of persons, in a thousand books, and has been laughed at for generations—thab is, since men learned not to shudder at it. When Pancrates put up at an inn lie would take a broom, tho bar of the door, or anything handy, throw some clothes over ib and mutter a charm ; straightway the object proceeded to wait on him or his friends under the appearance of a slave. One day, says Lucian, who was travelling with him, he overheard this charm, and so soon as Pancrates had gone out, he took a pestle, dressed it up, and told it to fetch water. The end of the tale need not be given. Our forefathers neither added nor changed one word. When Artemus Ward contributed to Punch an article upon the British Museum, he amused the public by wishing for the neck of a giraffe to prolong the enjoyment of his beer ; so Panurge, tasting the magic wine at the Templo of the Dive telle, ecstatically repeats the lamentation of 0110 Melanbhius, who prayed the gods for a stork's nock when drinking a certain vintage, and was refused. Who Melanthius may have been we know not; bub tho jest will be found in Lucian. Rabelais, indeed, "took his own property whore he found it" in a sense which Moliere would have disclaimed indignantly, lb is a pity, too; for he seldom "adorned what he touchcd," and his native humour would have furnished him with material. Among- the good sayings attributed to James I. is one the depth of which specially struck Isaac Disraeli, as well ib might. " The public will novor credit a conspiracy," said he, in effect —we have not tho referonce in hand,—"unless a King bo murdered." It is likely that His Majesty did nob protend to bo original in making this profound remark ; likely also that most of those who heard him knew where ho found it. Every gentleman wasj familiar with his classics in the seventeenth century. But in the nineteenth oven Isaac Disraeli could attribute ib to tho wit and wisdom of the Lord's Anointed. The saying is reported by Suetonius of Domitian, who probably stole it from aGreok tyrant. But we should strain charity in assuming that a certain Radical momber of Parliament who is, curiously enough, a scholar, did nob mean to plagiarise when ho addressed the dockers during tho late strike. The directors of the company were accused of offering peace if tho union were dissolved. This gentleman recited a fable amidst great applause—telling how the wolves proposed eternal friendship with the sheep if they would only deliver up their dogs. Ib was thought very apt and very clever ; which is nob surprising, for Demosthenes composed ib when Philip demanded the surrender of himself and the other loading men as a condition of peace with Athens.