CALAMO CURRENTS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXV, Issue 9154, 8 September 1888, Page 1 (Supplement)

CALAMO CURRENTS.

$- 0 that the great taxing machinery has cea?ed to hum, snd the hands that have been working it have scattered to their places, and are to be seen smiling at the street corners and fumbling with the golden railway tickets suspended from their watch chain?, as they take and give congratulations on having succeeded at last, in turnin.'' out the biggest output of taxation ever credited to a session of Parliament sincc the colony was cradled such a time o ne is inclined to wonder whether there could be any little isle of the blest, beneath the bine canopy of the sky, where taxation is unknown. It is an artificial thing; it does not grow on trees ov spring spontaneous from the ground, but is the product of much labour and anxiety and even skill, and the taxation which we now endure is the triumphant achievement of many sessions of Parliament and of successive Ministries, who have all been labouring earnestly for the results which we have to-day. And lam sure it is this day the sigh of many a weary taxpayer anil his prwuuindest. wish that they had applied their efforts to a better cause, for if 'there is any land on earth for which nature had done more than for any other, and left least for man to do in making it the home of a happy people, that land is New Zealand. In no other land on earth perhaps had nature given more easy access to fertile lands, more ready means of transit and communication, or laid less necessity on a people to strain itself by extraordinary effort to make that country habitable and productive in abundance of everything that is good for food and pleasant to the eye ; but in no other land on earth has any community shown itself so little satisfied with uature's gifts, or made so violent plungings to make up by artificial means for the defects of nature. If there is any one spot on earth that might have been kept free from that grinding taxation to escape from which thousands of men have quitted their homes and crossed the seas in quest of new lands uncursed with burthens, it was New Zealand as given first to civilisation and settlement : and we have ended in making it. for its size and age, the most debt-ridden tax-blasted country on the face of the earth.

One does nor hoar so much nowadays of pc-uritv and its gratitude, as used to charac* uri-e the utterance* of those who were eloquent in their efforts in heaping up the loans. Unfortunately the vanguard of that posterity, then so often spoken of, is with u-. and their sense of gratitude to those who magnanimously undertook the construction of public works for their benefit is '\i rvssed more commonly in reprobation t i >n in blessing on the authors of the loans. Kit. even at. this eleventh hour, we might no something for posterity, and, so far as many of our railways are concerned, we tn-.ght, without, detriment to our present interests, really conserve them for the genera tion to come, and by coating them carefully with tar. so as to keep them from rusting. a large number of our railways might be thrown out- of commission and kt-pt in a fair state of preservation. No lo?< would, accrue to the revenue, but great, guiri, for the engines being tucked in with car.', and laid up. would not require pease for the wheels which the present in.The in many cases is not sufficient to pay ; and the saving in the cost of wheel-grease itself, to say nothing of other items, should l-e an appreciable relief to the public exchequer. 1 claim no copyright in the sugst.on. but, in the public interest, I tco:.-os>- that non-paying railways which are bringing nothing to the revenue, and doing no good to the country, should be tarred arid laid up for the benefit of posterity.

Hell seems to be troubling the people of Melbourne just now, judging from the discussion which appears in the papers. One would have thought that what with silver shares and syndicate booms and the Centennial Exhibition the "deadly cobra" would have been nowhere ; and over all the din and whirl of life one is rather startled •At hearing the question shouted, "Is helltire material ?" We settled that question some months ago in Auckland, all the clerical authorities on the subject disclaiming any connection with the literal brimstone : but whether it is because of the superlative wickedness of Melbourne, or tii 4 - accession of depravity that has come to i: from ail the scapegraces of the colonies drifting over there to see the Exhibition, the prospect of a future place of torture has evi ienr.ly aroused a kindly interest, and it has become quite the burning question of the hour. The parsons have been subjected to that new journalistic engine -J torture, the "interview," but they wi_:;'t be drawn, and have fought shy of the reporter, and his most insinuating efforts to elicit all they knew about the physical nature e: retributive punishment in another st ite have been foiled by the persistent determination of the parsons to keep mum. The sight of a reporter as an anxious inquirer on such a momentous subject must Lave been startling, because as a rule ministers and revivalists and others look on reporters as tough subjects in a religious sense, and as having no conscience at all, but only a gizzard ; and the story is told of one of the craft who had dropped into a reli"i ■';= meeting in the execution of his duties, u'i-1 was accosted by a good woman with ''Brother, is your soul saved?" "I am a reporter, ' said he. " Oh," said she, ' i beg your pardon; I did not know." And it is not in the least surprising that the parsons, on being questioned about hell by a reporter, felt that it was none of his business.

However, this non-committal on the part :: the authorities has not satisfied the public craving on the subject, so one clergyman — and all honour to him, for he is a Presbyterian —lias immortalised himself by striking out a new line, on which he can satisfactorily rer-f.rjr-ile the fiercest language of the Con-fe.-'if.n of Faith with the gentlest claims of 11. e- rn humanity. For he has discovered —I know not how, but it does not matter — that the resurrected body will be without a serve centre or nervous system, so that it -viii be perfectly immaterial whether the fire is material or not ; the body will not feel it. There is a breadth of thought in this, a comprehension of the difficulty created between the dogmas by which lie is bound and the pitiful cries of the modern human heart, and there is an ingenuity in his discovery of a way out that cannot but command our admiration ; and this view of the case interfering in no way with ancient dogma, and i? sure to revolutionise the whole course of conforming entirely to modern requirements, theological thought in relation to S'neol.

The difficulty of threading a needle is one if the severest tests of equanimity to which th'- .-0113 of men are subject; and when ■•••• y have attained to that maturity of vc-trs at which society expects a man to tuk.- unto himself a helpmate to sympathise '"ith him in jov and sorrow, and sew the buttons on his shirts—if man in the exercise iiis undoubted right to personal freedom not conformed to the usages of civilised society, and taken to himself a wifehis —-i! is often sore vexed because of this crook in his lot. Many months ago, feeling the sorrows of those who had not yet met with their affinity, and been taken uvj'-r the protecting wing of an angel in p'-t'.icoats, I discoursed learnedly in this -'•Iniiiu on t he grave subject of the difficulty K'liidi every single man feels in the threadof a needle, and I thought Iliad found b't; panacea for his griefs, in a needle which advertised as having a spring in the side of the eye of it, against which you pressed the thread and it entered, and the needle was ready for action. lam quite aware of the Wrongfulness of assisting in any way to pvle the laws of Nature by alleviating the '"t of any man who refuses to conform to -he usages of society and marry ; but really ■o watch a man making futile efforts to put 1 largo thread into the small eye of a needle, twisting the thread the wrong way, as a ®<«n always toes, and imperilling his soul's Everlasting welfare by the language which uses, would touch the stoniest heart; I did rejoice at being the means of alleviating so much distress, deeply though 1 PXieved at the possibility that the instrument might be the means of confirming JlLn in the estate of single helplessness. But " e needle was a failure.

A correspondent writes* me on the sublet, saying: "Some time ago you were talking into a patent needle, threaded by

using a spring, and you were fearing an increase of bachelors in consequence. Your observations were read aloud before a huge circle of friends, and gave us very great amusement, and the writer of them received an all-round shower of thanks. My wife then remarked that Mr. Pollex need not be alarmed, for the needle ' jagged meaning that it caught in the stuff. This was the result of experience, she having brought some from England and put them to the test." My correspondent then goes on to say that they sent my remarks to a gentleman, a friend of the family, in England, who replied that he had discovered another one which ''did not 'jag,' and in fact it was a regular stunner !" and he proceeds to say, " Well, iiiy wife has given me one of the needles for you, and dreadful to relate to you, she says the needle is perfect—no jagging or nagging; all smoothness and harmony ; in fact, nothing could be better."

| Well, in the interests of a large and suffering class of my fellow-beings, I have put this needle to the test, and, as if showing the difficulties that lie in the way of any attempt at evasion of the laws of nature, I am forced to admit that this needle also is not perfect, in the objects for which it is primarily intended. It is true that it does not "jag," sis the spring and entrance are not in the side ; neither does it "nag." in. the sense that it does not expostulate with you about the carelessness with which you snap your buttons oil'; but it has a serious defect which greatly lessens its value in bachelor life, though it may not be one that discovers itself to the feminine mind. For the peculiarity of it is that its head is cleft, and that it is through this cleavage that the thread is drawn into the eye of the needle ; and so it comes to pass that when you have sewn a false stitch, in consequence of this cleavage in the head you are not able to withdraw the needle. This, to a lady, would present no difficulty, perhaps, because women sew with a single thread, and can withdraw the loose end and begin again. But a man always sews with a double thread with both ends fast: and this I have often thought is one of the signs of the inferiority of the feminine intellect, which give us little prospect of woman ever attaining to our intellectual level, that you never can make any woman understand that it is better and stronger ' and a saving of labour to sew with a double thread instead of a single one. She persists in thinking that a single thread is better, and as woman has not a logical mind, and never reasons, you may throw away all your powers of ratiocination in the effort to make her understand what should be obvious to any capacity, that two threads are stronger than one.

Now, man, on the contrary, always sews with a double thread, and the consequence is that when you have put the needle through, and find you have made a wrong stitch, as it often is, you cannot withdraw it. It does not jag and it does not nag, but it sticksand there you are. And to this there is a minor grief added ; for, as no man uses a thimble in sewing, in the event of one's applying his finger or thumb to push the needle when the stuff is thick, the cleft ed re runs into the flesh even worse than a common needle, and makes him mad. Of course this difficulty can be obviated by his taking the back of a book or the sole of his boot to push the needle : but the disabilities and disadvantages connected with this latest needle are such as to make it but a sorry substitute for a wife. POLLEX.