MY NOISELESS FRIEND.

New Zealand Herald, Volume V, Issue 1531, 21 October 1868, Page 7

MY NOISELESS FRIEND.

It has often been a matter of comment within myself whether there were really such things as ghosts prowling about the outskirts of society, for the purpose of frightening small children and terrifying respectable old ladies, aye, and even at times scaring strong-minded middle-aged gentlemen, (holding important and lucrative positions in society) and driving them into fits, faints, or something worse. Many are in support of these spiritual vagrants, and many declare there neTer was such an institution; for my part I don't believe in the existence of either ghosts, ghoules, or goblins, though I must say that all of us at some time or another in our life are nearly forced to admit of their existence amongst us, and when we .should consider ourselves far more comfortable and easier in our minds if Tom's big brother and Tom himself had been close handy to us with sticks to vindicate our cause.

I am not going to launch forth in favour of their existence or non-existence just now, nor yet picture to yon a fearful back-parlour ghost story, but merely to relate in a quiet way a little adventure I had with a mysterious individual who nearly succeeded in overthrowing my belief ill the unmade-up material world. During one Christmas recess I was invited by an old friend of mine to come up and spend the evening. Well I was not much of a one to go out of a night, especially at that cold season of the year, as I believed that most comfort was to found indoors, toasting one's knees at the fire, *nd perusing anice book. However, as Smith had asked me, I was bound to go, he would not hear to the contrary, besides Smith said I must come, he had just ordered in some good Martell, and it was to be sampled, which amount of duty he assured me laid between us two, so accordingly I went, found Smith, as usual, jolly (Smith was a bachelor), pronounced his Martell excellent, gave undivided judgment as to the capital quality of his cheroots, (Smith never has a bad cigar, it's a great mistake for men to keep indifferent cigars, they bring such bad odour upon themselves,) and stopped solacing myself in one of his most luxurious arm-chairs, talking about everybody in particular and nobody in general, until the monitor in the hall warned me it was time to depart. His abject face bespoke the hour of twelve. I had rode best part of the way up, but as Smith lived in the then new and rising colony of Hampstead Road, ever so far up, it was impossible for me to ride back. The last bus' must have gone from the " Mother Ked Cap" before I could reach that rendezvous, besides that was half way home, and as for cabs in that vicinity at that hour of the night, I might as well have looked into the Post Office [ Directory for the height, breadth, and depth of the man's fertile imagination who proposed I changing the colour of the Ked Sea, because it affected the eyesight of the natives.

So I made up my mind to tramp it. Buttoning my coat fiercely up to my chin, and stampeding my hat savagely on to my head, I bade Smith good night and ventured forth.. The night was a cold one, no wind, but raw ; no snow, but the ground was covered with thick ice which rung with, a heavy metallic sound. The atmosphere was thick, foggy and black, something that could be felt, though perhaps not appreciated, and gave to all surrounding objects a bloated luminous appearance, which caused one to think that nature had got an attack of dropsy, or was suffering from a severe toothache. Smith'sgarden gate swung heavily as I closed it after me, and X was soon lost in the fog, and buried in my own reflections, as to the uncertanty of reaching home befoie morning if the fog got worse, and what my landlady would say about it, especially if she had been sitting up, for at the best of times she was rather fidgetty, and did not, out of principle, like her young men lodgers to be out late o' nights. Thus musing, I was walking smartly along, the ground ringing under my feet at every step, as I strove to keep direct in the middle of the hard metallic footpath. Making a bit of a false slip into a rut or gutter or something I nearly lost my perpendicular, but soon recovering myself, and opining that the road would be the safest travelling, I turned my eyes thither to see my new basis of operations. Alas! I am not alone, I have a compagnon de voyage enveloped in the fog ? In the centre of the road, was a man, tall, thin, cadaverous, mysterious, noiseless. The first thought which rushed into my head when I beheldmy spectral friend, was is he human or superhuman; if human, then most probably a garrotter.; if superhuman, most decidedly one of

bad taste to "be abroad, as a matter of liking; such a night as this. I stood for a moment hesitating what would be the best to do; return at cince to Smith's, and so escape the chances of a knock down and being left for dead, little episode, or continue my journey on in fear and trembling. Whatever arrangement I came to with myself on the subject, I cannot definitely state, but I know that my nervous system must have been somewhat shaken ras I distinctly remember the great desiro my hair had to lift my hat off my head, and a cold clammy perspiration beaded on my forehead. Instinctively I found myself walking on again sharply, hoping that my companion would,by dintof exertion on my part, soon be left behind. As I quickened my pace, my spectral friend quickened his also. A loud sharp ring sprang from the hard footpath as I pushed along. My friend's footsteps were noiseless, he seemed to glide along like one of the characters in Skelt's shilling toy theatres, still keeping in the road, but all the while abreast of me. I was confounded, a feeling of fear came over me, I sickened at heart. I mechanically walked quicker, he glided quicker, still breast to breast. I burst into a trot, he glided into a trot too, still noiseless, wretched man as he was. My heels in the mean time produced a. most tremendous clatter on the crisp ground ; I couldn't stand it any longer. I had held on as long as I could, without illustrating to my friend the amount of respect and fear I entertained for him, and whether it was the noise of my heels, or whether I fancied he was edging over to me, 1" can't determine, but I involuntarily started off down hill as fast as my legs could take me, which, considering the nervous state of those appendages at the time, was at a rate somewhat, surprising. To my horror, he glided too, fester than ever, still breast to breast, still I struggled on, on, on. Dim pictures of horses danced pant me, now up now down the hedges passed my distorted vision, railings shot up and vanished like streaks of white paint. Another half mile, and ho must Jbe conquered ; on, still on, perspiration streaming from every limb, my hair damp wtih clammy moisture, clung to my face, thick beads of prespiration rolled down my forehead . and nearly blinded mo. My hands involuntarily clung to my coat to hasten my speed. I suppose I must have ran a good mile, and had somewhat recovsred my reasoning faculties, when I felt a desire to stop such an amount of physical exertion, feeling convinced that I must have got far away from my antagonist, so easing myself into a slower motion, I gradually came to a dead stand still, and wiped the prespiration off my face, and out of my eyes, into which it trickled, and was giving me some considerable pain to say nothing about being nearly half blind; upon which being nicely arranged to my liking, I thought I would just turn round and scan the distance which lay atwixt me and Mr. Spectre. Horror upon horrors ! —agony upon agony ! There stood the wretch in the road, tall, thin, cadaverous, mysterious and noiseless, quite calm and contemplative. My first impulse was to shout for the police, my next to seize him by the throat, and strangle him, or perish in the struggle, and my next, perhaps the wisest, was to lay down and die on the spot. But yet all these were objectionable; in the first place, no policeman ever came up that way of a night, and consequently I might shout until I was hoarse, and moreover I had lost the power of speech entirely. Secondly, I was afraid he wouldn't let me strangle him ; and thirdly, the night was too cold to die out of doors, to say nothing about the bother it would make in the papers, and I don't like to see my name in the public journals. Once again I found myself pursuing my course at n rapid speed, my friend still continuing in concert. If I lagged, he lagged ; if I smartened my pace, he smartened his. If I walked, he walked; if I ran like a fiery meteor, he ran like a fiery meteor ; but yet his pace throughout was steady, like the figures that pass in front of the magic lantern, and his footsteps were noiseless.

A thousand wild and distorted fancies rushed across my mind as I sped madly on. I thought of poor old Mrs. Griddles my landlady; the pretty girl who lived at number 4 opposite ; who was always pushing aside the blind and peeping out when there was a knock in the street, or when a vehicle went past; of the tailor'from whom I had but only just ordered a new suit of clothes; of the young man with the foreign appearance who considered me his rival as related to the pretty girl opposite, just mentioned above ; of my cousin Jack in Australia ; whom I hadn't seen for years; of the village where I was born and brought up. These and a thousand vagaries occupied my thoughts combined with the dreariest conscience-stricken idea that these were my last moments, and that I was being pursued for my life by the Furies, who had enlisted in their cause the very houses, hedges, posts and gates, to join in the cruel sport. Maddened and heavy I continued on, until a light streak of happiness burst upon me. I saw or I fancied I saw a light, with frantic effort I bounded towards it; I seized a garden gate, it wouldnotyield; Ifelt a figure glide up to me, as I stood trembling at the porta], and a warm breath whispered in my ears, these ominous words, " I hope you're not fatigued, sir," it was my silent friend, my evening tormentor. I loathed him, my blood boiled, I strove to speak and failed, I strove again and prevailed, "Do you wish to insult me ?" " No, certainly not sir," said my tormentor, " I only hope you are not fatigued, sir. Good night." So saying he politely bowed and glided noiselessly away in the mist.

The next morning I found myself snugly esconccd in my bed, with, oh, such a headache, such a pain in my limbs from head to foot, parched with thirst, and as Mrs. Griddles assured me, who had called in a doctor, in a " horful state of fever." I felt as if I had been unsuccessfully mangled beneath the great car of Juggernaut, or had fallen off the monument on Fisli-street Hill, and had been humanely gathered up in a shovel by the police, and deposited, mangled and delapidated, into my bed.

In fact it was at least tliroe weeks before I had strength enough to emerge from my repository, and from what Mrs. G-riddles says, who told me what the doctor told her, that if I had not been a young man I would never have got over it, which is very easy to be believed, because doctors are always right. I was led firmly to consider that I had had a violent fever and a wonderful escape. But I never forgot my friend, my noiseless friend, he was the subject of reflection to me for many months, until by dint of perseverance and indiscriminate research by way of arriving at the wonderful gliding process of his, it fully occurred to me that he was a human being, because he was so polite, for ghosts you know never are, and ultimately I came ,to the conclusion that he must have been a victim to corns, or something as bad, andwore india rubber goloshes for ease and comfort.