IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 988, 11 June 1919, Page 30

IT IS TOWN TALK

Federal Premier Billy Hughes has developed a fondness for being in the air. Meanwhile the political-labour situation in Australia is in the soup. Bill Hohenzollern has taken to cutting wood because he failed to cut any ice. Son Willie has distinct objections to references to chips of the old block. Sounds a bit too near the neck. The* Miniistjei; for Education says that tlie salary paid to the New Zealand teacher is "a miserable pittance." doming events cast their shadows hefore —so the teachers hope.. Several well-known citizens of Wellington who were included in the lowest classes of 0.8. E. Honours for active patriotic services have declined the distinction with thanks. Conjugal frailty lias cost a certain rural Don Juan quite a tidy sum of late, according to the echoes of a recent divorce settlement in the Supreme Court in Wellington. Two separate payments running into four figures each is expensive love-making. Judging by some of the photographs of German 'babies which American, soldiers are sending to the New York press from the Rhineland all this talk about starvation in Germany is more or less camouflage. The Huns are quite capable of organising a starved baby show for the benefit of-the softhearted Britishers and Yankees. A cablegram the other day announced that the British Government had decided to. follow the example of the New Zealand Government and pass legislation to defeat the ends of trusts and combines. The Free Lance is wondering whether to accept this as a graceful compliment or a piece of gentle sarcasm. Viscount Midleton wants to know why America, which went through the greatest civil war in history, is butting into the Irish question and adding further fixel to the smouldering war in the ould sod. Raises the question of what old Abe Lincoln would Lave done to the Iriali in similar circumstances. Probably pulled his gun out and asked Devalera what he meant to do about it.

Between the profiteer and ilie Redragger the unfortunate middle class citizen is a lemon. The Grand Duke travelling very light, arrived at Milan tlie: other day, carrying a bag in one hand and his life in the. other. The last building section in The Glen, Kelburn (Wellington's .fashionable suburb) was sold the other day for one thousand quidlets. How the money flies! ... The- rumour that Wellington citizens get all'their'milk through the Corporation's clearing station lacks confirmation. Some' of them don't 'and they want to know why. When' a "merchant makes a- bit of a rake off from the sale of his wares, we call it profiteering. But the 109 per cent profit declared by the New York Federal Reserve Bank the other day wasf —er—financing. To stimulate the birth-rate the mayor of" a town in Virginia, U.S.A., has offered a medal to the mother of every child born in the municipality. He says that 20 of these will make a charming necklace. Dr. Henry, the new evangelist who has descended upon the wicked city of Sydney, describes, modern dancing as "the meanest, slimiest thing that has crawled out of Hell."—O Henry! Sydney's latest importation sounds like a pocket edition of Billy Sunday. The Scottish lords who gave evidence the other day before the British Coal Commission have counted up their incomes closely. One of them would not admit to an income of £109,000, but himself gave it "wi preceesion" at £109,786 3s 7d. Ay laddie! England's farm girls and munition ladies who put on men's duds during the war to keep the flag flying want to know—some of them —why they can't keep on wearing "them" -, and if tliey do, will they he taken to court over "them." Goodness knows, girls. Some kind of women, you know, take to wearing 'em after they get married, but that is another story. A New Zealand medico has had an interesting little romance. He happened to be in the audience of a London theatre at a musical comedy performance when a certain actress sprained her ankle on the stage. "Doctor! Doctor!" was called and he of-, fered his services. In six days he was married to her and they came out to New Zealand. But the pretty bride did not remain here long and she is now back in London.

. The New Zealand Rugby Union Committee is just now fast locked in the biggest scrum of the year. Which side is going to get possession of the ball ' Six- James Carroll is evidently not one of. the' political cave-dwe'llers. He recognises that the main issue at the general election will be Order versus Disorder. A few weeks ago Torquay, Devon, was the greatest honeymoon centre in Great Britain. Two thousand New Zealanders, each with a new wife, .concentrated there, en route for home. Mr Richard Brown, of Willis street, made a neat point at the Y.M.C.A. Diamond Jubilee when lie quoted the soldiers' dictum that "Y.M.C.A." stands for "You Must Come Along ."