Is Your Child a Good Mixer ?

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXXII, 8 September 1938, Page 10

Is Your Child a Good Mixer ?

A pleasing personality is the mental attribute above all others that mothers hope for in their children, says Ann Morgan, in the “Melbourne Age.” Strictly speaking, it has nothing to do either with physical beauty or with brains, but both those gifts are, naturally, qualities which can be used to advantage in the development of an attractive individuality. On the other hand, too much stress placed on either beauty or brains in the child leads only to a vain or conceited adult with anything but a pleasing personality.

What we usually mean by that oftquoted expression is that a person is likeable and gets on well with his fellows. It is not something that comes naturally to everybody, it is gradually acquired throughout childhood. We are really all born egotists, and it is only by careful early training that we learn to adjust ourselves to other people and to life.

The ideal to be aimed at is a capacity for friendship, an ability to get along in the world with other people, and yet retain an independence of others to the extent of being happy alone/ Too often mothers fail to develop that last trait in their children, with the result that they have no resources within themselves.

The foundations of happy social contact are laid in childhood. Adaptability begins in the home, where the children learn to get along together. In the

case of the only child, the wise mother sees lie has outside companionship, preferably in the kindergarten. We are beginning to realise that if the ideal of world peace is ever to materialise—a whole world of people who can get along together-the spade work must be done in childhood. In the past children have been left alone to grow up mentally just like Topsy. Mothers only interfered when quarrels became noisy enough to disturb the adults. Quarrelling has been looked upon as inevitable—something children have to go through and grow out of. Once upon a time children were exposed to mumps and measles on the principle they were inevitable* and the sooner children had them and got over them the better. Now everybody should know that is v not correct, and avoidable weaknesses of throat and ears snd eyes are prevented.

And now, too, we should know better about quarrelling and the dangers of allowing a little child to be continually teased, thwarted and baffled. A furious temper is not something to laugh about or to meet with temper, but should be regarded in the same light as a sore throat or a rash. The gift which fortunate children acquire is a love of humanity, which puts them on the very highest plane, even as hatred or dislike put one on the very lowest.

Naturally the question arises from parents, “What can I do?” Since example is the very best form of teaching, let the whole atmosphere of the home be friendly, as that friendliness is taken for granted, and given naturally by the child. Give m opportunities of making contacts, and let him adjust himself gradually and naturally. There is nothing more painful to see than a shy child unused to meeting people, being forced to shake hands and say, “How do you do?” If he were allowed just once or twice to be shy without notice taken of it he would soon learn to speak to strangers without self-con-Ii two children clash incurably—and that must happen sornetimes--separate tl’tmi and find fresh playmates. The only child naturally craves companship—if she doesn’t there is something wrong—and the trouble of providing her with them is well worth while.

The same principle—always in mod-eration-can be carried right through childhood and adolescence. The young people whose parents have wisely seen that they make social contacts without embarrassment gain poise without effort. Children should never be made much of in front of others, much less be made to perform, as was the practice in our youth. Fortunately it is no longer considered the correct thing for children to be made to painfully recite or play a piece. Both children and audience alike have long since rebelled. There was nothing more likely to make a child intensely shy—or unpleasantly precocious—than that idea of submitting him to the torture of social exposure in an endeavour to overcome his self-consciousness. Perhaps we have the radio and gramophone to thank, perhaps an enlightened public The whole question is worthy of the consideration of all parents, for on his ability to be "a good mixer” largely depends the future happiness of the child.