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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXI, 7 August 1928, Page 2

The new manager was a, tyrant. Before ho had been at the mill a fortnight he was pretty generally detested. Wishing to know, the reason why he was disliked, lie called an old weaver on one side, and said: "William, how is it that the hands hero don't seem to like me? At the last place I was at they presented me with a silver teapot, when I was leaving." "Only a silver teapot?" said the.weaver.: "By. gum,, if tha'll only •have here I'Bet tha'll get-a gold kdttle."« .

At a scientific lecture an old lady could not understand the frequent references to oxygen and hydrogen, so she enquired of the gentleman next to her: "What does he mean by this oxy-gih and this hydro-gin, and what's the difference?" Fed-up Man: "One's pure gin and the other's gin and water." "Reginald," said the Sunday-school teacher, "can you tell'mo the two things necessary to baptism?" "Yes, miss," said Reginald. "Water and a baby." Doctor: "Your husband has influenza, madam." Anxious Wife: "Yes, sir." """And lie needs' something to quiet him. What is his business?" "He's a policeman, sir." '.'Well, slip a shilling into his hand when he isn't looking, every two hours during the night, and I will call again in the morning."

Tom: "Did Miss Swift consent to be-' come engaged to you?" Fred: "Not quite. But she promised to put me on the waiting list.'