Anti-Humbug v. Ernest Petty

Manawatu Times, Volume 63, Issue 45, 23 February 1938, Page 3

Anti-Humbug v. Ernest Petty

(To the Editor.) Sir, —My great ambition is to write as long a letter as Mr. Ernest Petty—and with as little sense. So here goes. When he says I gave him a cool column of mush, he flatters himself. If he reads my letter again he will see it was intended for “Socialist." However, while that worthy is studying how best to flatten me out, I will do what I cau for Mr: Ernest Petty. When that gentleman suggests that in comparison with greyheadedness, baldness is a further stage of senile decay, he surely forgets him self. What about Paddy Webb, Peter Fraser, Bob Semple, Johnny Armstrong, etc., the leading lights of the Labour Party! Why, the whole of them together could not raise as much hair as would rehair a tooth-brush. Yet there is no evidence of senile decay in any of them.

Ernest Petty refers to George and Gordon licking the dust in defeat. Let me tell Ernest Petty, the speech made by Honest George in defeat on the night of the election, was the manliest speech I ever heard. I did not say our Premier was a “stone-kissing Premier," a statement which would have been without point, but a “blarney-stone kissing Premier," which has a point. Mr. Petty asks, if prosperity is artificial, why worry about it! That is why, because it is artificial. Again, “None of us needed artificial dentures to driua soup in the depression." Nor would we in prosperity either. “Slur on our women. ’ ’ Men and women are equal in goodness and badness, Mr. Pett} r . Neither is better or worse than the other, sex apart. By the way, you’re not after the women’s vote for anything, are you, Mr. Petty? The circular motion of the dog chasing his own tail constitutes an abstract circle in idiomatic expression. The dog never catches his own tail, literally speaking. Neither do costs and wages catch up with each other. Referring to me, Mr. Petty says: “Wisdom will not die with him." Referring to Mr. Petty, I say: “Nor foolishness with him." However, as Mark Twain when secretary to a senator said to a correspondent, “Venerable fossil, write again. We’re always pleased to hear you chirp." Could I say the same thing in a more tactful manner, I would say it to Mr. Ernest Petty.—l am, etc., ANTI-HUMBUG. Pahiatua, Feb. 22, 1938.