THOSE WHO OUT-STAY WELCOME.

Manawatu Times, Volume 61, Issue 65, 18 March 1936, Page 16

THOSE WHO OUT-STAY WELCOME.

"£JKDEE the title "Lagging Quests” in “Saturday Night” Toronto, appears -the following humorous article in the form of a monologue from the pen of P. W. Luce:— Excuse me! I’m afraid it isn’t very polits for the host to yawn in front of his guests but I’ve had a hard day and 1 was up late last night, so you’ll understand. . Of course, some people might not call this late, but I usually go to bed about' half-past ten. Tom and Ellen, and Joe and Ethel, and Syd. and Mabel all know how it upsets me if 1 don’t have my regular rest. That’s why they left at a reasonable time quite a while ago. Naturally, if you can sleep in as late as you like in the morning, it doesn’t matter much what time you turn in. The rest of us are not so fortunate. Excuse me I 1 have always heard that yawning was catching, but this must be the exception that breaks the rule. Is the whiskey all gone? I’ll get another bottle —next time I’m down town. No, as a matter of principle, I never telephone the bootlegger’s when niy supply runs short. , . No, I couldn’t think of having you get in touch with your private bootlegger for just enough to finish olf the party right. With everybody else gone the party is practically over, so please don’t insist. No, tho clock isn’t right, it’s slow I don’t ltnow how slow. Half an hour maybe. I guess I’d better wind it up. J always do that the last thing at night. Just before going to bed. And while I’m about it, I may as well put out the cat and set the milk bottle on the doorstep. There’s one thing about a cat; you can pick it up by the snuff of the neck, and throw It out ■' you’re sick and tired of ■ seeing it around. 1 don’t see why the method ehould be restricted to cats, do you ? Oh, did the fire die down while ! was away? It’s hardly worth v.lilr bringing any more wood at this time cl night, or, rather, morning. The room is still warm enough, though ’t maycool off a bit after 1 open tins wm to clear the atmosphere of smoke. Yes, I’ve heard that story about Mae West. Which one? Tho im

Hints For Hosts

were going to tell, and every’ other cue as well. Somehow I’m not very keen on listening to funny stories so late at night—so early in the morrnug, 1 should say. Some other time, perhaps, when I’m not so tired. Cigarettes? Sorry, you smoked my last one a while ago. There’s ail allnight store at tho corner of Main and Colony where you can buy a package on the way home. They’ll probably stib have some of the favourite brand n you hurry. Excuse me,, will you? Yawning seems to be becoming a habit with me. Perhaps if 1 take off my collar and put on my slippers I’ll feel better. I hope your car is still all right. '1 Iks is a bad district for cars left unattended in the small hours of the morning. Five were stolen in this block lasi week, and it wasn’t so late as this ty a long shot. Three were badly smashed up, and the other two haven’t wen found yet. 1 really should have meu tioned it earlier, but of course 1 <iid not expect you’d stay all ni . What’s that, your car’s insured, and nothing would please you better than to have it stolen, and wrecked so you could collect. I wish I’d known that before I spoke, but 1 can tell you of an even worse district in which to park cars than around here. If you leave right away and go to' Twenty-ninth and Liptoa Avenue your chances are very good. No! Not No I Please 1 You mustn’t turn on the radio 1 I have a gentleman’s agreement with the neighbours that no radios are to be turned on in this block at unearthly hours when self-respecting people are in bed. No, not even to see if you can get Japan. You know as well as I do that you wouldn’t get it. If you can get Japan on your own radio, at 4 o’clock in the morning you can still get home in time, if you hurry. Eh? I’m afraid I didn’t quite follow the drift of your remarks, but no matter. I must have dozed off for a few minutes when, you started talking about the big deal you put through the other day, but it’s all right. I guess I got most of it when you told the story to the other guests who came here yesterday with you. You wore wearing a fawn overcoat that I admired very much. I’d like to see it again on you. Do you mind if I bring it in from the hall so you can put it on: I’ll get your hat and your muffler at the same time. I don't like my guests to leave anything behind them when they go home. Oh, are you really going? Pev.lv Really going home? Hurray! I mean, don’t let. me delay you a moms. it.. So glad you were able to come. So gk-d you were able to tear yourself away. Good night. You won’t mind if I don’t stand gassing at the door; I’ve got a bit of a cold already. Ker-hmur ! Ker-heum 1 Good night. Good night. Glad yru enjoyed your visit. So did I ior a while. Come again some time. No hurry, of course. Good night. GOODNIGHT!