Short War Stories

Manawatu Times, Volume XL, Issue 13948, 29 July 1918, Page 7

Short War Stories

ABSENT-MINDED. Tho sentry on duty bad once been a shop assistant. Despite Ms soldierly bearing, be could never quite forget his previous occupation. Somone approached. “Halt!” cried the sentry. “Who goes there?” “Friend,’ came the answer. 'Advance and sign the counterfoil,” retorted the sentry. HARD LUCK. First Soldier (in the trenches): “Ain’t that just my luck?” Second Soldier: “What’s the matter now?” _ _ >t . ..... First Soldier: “With'all tho pretty' girls there are in the States knitting sweaters for soldiers I have to draw one with a note pinned to it saying it was knitted by a man.” THE REASON. The sergeant was taking a class in musketry, and after explaining as to cleaning and handling the rifle, he began to ask questions. “Now, then, Private Murphy, can you tell me why we always take a six o'clock aim?” Paddy hesitated for a moment, then said, “Well, sargint, because it is pretty dark at seven! ” THAT OAT. Old stories arc appearing in new paint. This is the latest from the trenches: —Temperance advocate to soldier: “You really don’t mean to contend that tho rum ration does any good?” Soldier: “Well, it’s like this. We ’ad a little pet mous e in our trench. One day vre gave the little beggar a crumb soaked in rum. Before you could say 'Knife!’ he was up on his hind legs, shouting out: “Wheres’ that eat?” DOUBLE DUTY. An Irish soldier had just lost an eye in battle, but was allowed to remain in the service on consenting to have a glass eye in its place. One day, however, he appeared on parade without his artificial eye. “Nolan,” said the officer, “you are not properly dressed. Why is your artificial eye net in its place?” “Sure, sir,” replied Nolan, “I left it in me box to keep an eye on mo kit while I’m on parade;” SURE CURE. A soldier on reporting sick one morning, said that he was suffering with a severe headache. The Medical Officer at once said to the orderly. “You had better give this man a number nine.” ' The orderly suddenly discovered that there were no number nines left, and on pondering for a few seconds tho medical officer said: — “Oh, well, give the man two number fours and owe him one.”