BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XXXII, Issue 225, 15 October 1897, Page 2

BRIEF MENTION.

Ghktle zephyrs to-diy. Bain at 9 a.m. at Wanganui, Qreymouth, Hokitika, Dunedin nnd Inveroargill. There wqb a decrease of 105 male prisoners inoaroerated m our prisons last year, and an increase of 11 females. There are present 2315 inmates m the aejlumn of the colony— l39o males and 925 females. Referring to the overcrowding of the asylums the Inspector of Asylums Bays:— " We shall be fortnnate indeed if some cahmity or ecandal does not oocur to horrify the whole country." The Premier's Jubilee expenses are set down at £1750. A special allowanoe of £2-00 has been made to the Agent-General for entertainments given at Jubilee time. It cost, t be Government £600 to illuminate the public buildings of New Zealand at Jubilee time. Into each life some rain mast fall, and you are core to be caught out m it without an umbrella. The Hon J. G. Ward proposes visiting the gold field a shortly and delivering a series of political addresses. " What kind of a position do yon want?" enquired the dippeneer of public patronage. " Well," said the place-hunter, thoughtfully rubbing his chin, " I don't want anything I oau't get." A marine sentry for sleeping while on duty on tbe battleship Jupiter, and strikißg the corporal of the guard was sentenced to eighteen months' bard and to be dismissed from the service. The English language must be tough, At least that's what we reokoned, For it is etill alive to-day, Though murdered every seoond. A man m West Surrey made a will, deeir* ing be should be cremated with 71db of salt* petre, lib of charcoal, $lb brimstone and no .religious ceremony. With a revolver he bored a hole through his head, and the coroner was Bent for, Tommy : " What kind of a shop ia that one, papa, where they have three oolored glass jars m tbe window ?" Papa : " That's an apothecary shop, Tommy." Tommy : " And that plaoe next door to it that has three balls m front of it ?" Papa : " Oh, that's a bypotheoaty shop, Tommy 1" Bishop Julias says London police are only armed with a pair of gloves. Fact is he did not see what they had op their sleeves. Two girls m the Paris telephone exchange were reoently sacked for disclosing par* tioulars of conversations whioh they over* beard. The railway charge for a small piggaewiggee m a orate from Timarn to Christchurch is 17s 6d, when it used to be 8a 2d. Tbe matter is to be enquired into. A Sooialist was advooating an equal division of property. " And bow muoh," asked a Scotchman, " wad there be for ilka ane ?" " Oh, maybe near a hundred pounds]" "Then I'll na' gang alang wi* ye, for I've saved a matter o' a hundred and twenty mysel' I" The evening before a battle an officer asked Marshal Torras for permission to go and Bee his father who was at the point of death. " Go," said the Marshal, who saw through his pretext ; " honor thy father and iby mother that thy days may be long m the land." " You had a glass of beer with the accused?" Eaid the Bergeant of Police to a witness m tbe Lyttelton Police Court. " Tea," replied the witness. ' Did the aoeased drink his glass ?" added the Sergeant. " No, Bir, but he drank the contents." The Sergeant oollapsed, and the witness escaped further examination. While the Channel equadron was exer* oising on August 21st one of tbe quiokfiring guns wsb inadvertently loaded with " live " instead of" dummy " oartridge, and a shot went aoroes tbe Japanese battleship Fuji. The British Admiral apologised for the mistake. A gentleman visiting Liverpool was being shown around by aoitizen, who said : " Now, let's go and see the ' Widows' Home.' " The gentleman put his finger to tire side of his nose, and winked, and then said: "No, thanks ; I saw a widow home once, and she sued me for breach of promise, and proved it on me. It cost me a matter of £120. No, sir ; send the widows home m a cab." It was before an Irish bench. The evidenoe was all given, and the plaintiff's lawyer had made a long eloquent, and logical 'argument. Then the counsel for the defendant took the floor. •• What are yon doing?" asked the magistrate as the lawyer began. " Going to present our side of the oase." " I don't want to haar both sides argued. It has a tindinoy to confuse the coort." So the defendant's lawyer sat down. A ooffeehouse-keeper at Wandsworth, aged eixty-two years, while m her garden, was injured by a telephone wire whioh the workman was repairing. It fell and coiled arouod he', dashing hsr against some stone walls. She reoovered £250 as damages. The master of a ship had his oartifioate suspended for three months by the Liverpool Marine Board for selling unlimited whisky to tbe crew. It was proved the cook had abont two bottles a day, and the oarpen er owed a grog score of £11 133.