The Deal Didn't Go Through.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2279, 22 September 1899, Page 6

The Deal Didn't Go Through.

A man with a red nose which looked chronic, and had the air of being legitimately acquired, called at the otlice of a big life insurance company, and, addressing the lirst official he happened to meet, said :

"Sir, 1 am insured for !<.>ikhi in your company." " Well V " The policy, strange to say, is made out in the name of my wife. She has plKStittSttiot) of it." " Not strange ai all, but eminently proper," said the official, " And if 1 could gel hold of the policy 1 would hock it," continued Hie mm with the red nose, " but she keeps it hid. 1 am here, however, for the purpose if making a proposition to you, and the Whereabouts of the policy is neil her here nor i here. Are ,\ oil open to a deal ':" " We are," answered the official coldly. " Well, here is my plan. Since I can not raise anything on thai policy 1 spring upon you tin 1 following situation: He fore nightfall 1 shall be a dead man, and you'll have to pony up that Solmiii." " How do you make thai mil V" demanded the official in tones of surprise. " Simply because I cannot gel a drink." replied the policy-holder. "If whisky is no) furthcoming I perish. 1 simply lie .low n and stiffen out. and you Ins,, your ney. A ipiarier of a dollar, however, will save my life and save you oIMMI boiio.s. Twenty live cents livs me. and ! live. Will lit I breathe my last, and pn.vc a 'lead loss lu you. If I survive, however, my w Ife will \i« 'ti paying premiums, and who knows but what I may become a c-e nariaii '.'" He looked anxiously at the ollicial, l„ll the latter seemed |o be frozen solid. " Ho I get the quarler ?" he demanded after a pause. •• Von do not." was Ihe reply in icy tones. •• Very well." and he sighed heavily. •• thai settles it. Make out your death claims and things. Kill up the cheque payaible to the order of my weeping widow. Charge me iii pioi'n and los* " lit* walked he.nil} uuL

The programme of the Alexandra Jockey Club has been published. The races are to take place on Friday, 15th December, and the stakes (net) amounting to £250 are considerably more than those of last year. The ' Tuapeki Times' understands that, owing to the rush of meessages from Cromwell downwards, the Telegraph Department iuteud to erect another wire between Lawrence aud Dunedin.

It is reported that the Hon. .T. M'Kenzie, now on a visit to the Home Country, is not progressing towards recoverv from ill health so satisfactorily as his friends could wish. The ' Ot-igo Daily Times' of Tuesday eontains a well executed map of the Tiausvaal and surrounding country of South Africa. The map will be scanned with much interest just uow by the general public.

The Cornelius Vanderhilt who died last week is one of the grandsons of the celebrated Cornelius who founded the immense fortune of the family. The graudfather plied a small ferryboat between Staten Island and New York, but he died worth £-20,000.000. His decendants have carefully and ably managed and increased this vast estate as the amount of the one who has just died is valued at £25,000,000.

One or t*o exchanges still refer to Mr G. Reid as a probable Ministerial candidate at the forthcoming Wakatipu election. Mr Reid informs us thnt he never intended contesting the seat as, independent of other circumstances, he cannot devote the time required iu fulfilling the duties which would devolve upon him if successful.

Mr Robert Ross, a former resident, paid a visit to Queen-town last week. Mr Ross, who afterwards went into I u-uuess as Keneral storekeeier at Riversdale for some year 3, has just removed to Milton where he will continue in the jitiie line.

A meeting of the Queen°town Cricket Club was held in the Harrison Hall ou Wednesday, "20th insL, but owing to insufficiency of notice, the attendance was rather small. Mr M. J. Gavin was voted to the chair. The balance sheet showed a small balance. Dr Douglas was re-elected president, and vice were appointed as follows : Messrs G. Seatter, K. C. \V. Porter, W. Searle, A. G. Fras r, Jas. Budge, J. Clack, T. Hicks, and P. Goodger. Office beare* were elected as follows :—W. G. Mehaffey secretary and treasurer; H. 11. Holliman, captain; and I'.. Rfid, deputy captain. Match committee : M. J- Gavin, H. H. Holliman, G. Rfid. General committee : R. Stevenson, G. Searle. E. C. W. Porter, and K. M'Dowail. The subscription was fixed at 7s 6d, and is 6d for schoolboys, and the opening day was arranged for the 2.5 th cf October with a match, Hand versus the club. A unanimous vote of thanks was accorded to Dr. Douglas for his donation, of a bat for last season for best batting average which was won by J. W. Gardiner.

At a largely attended public meeting held at InvercsireiU las: week M consider the question of Federation, a motion expressing the opinion that further discussion was necessary before a conclusion could be arrived at, was carried, aa against an amendment to the effect, that to sacrifice the independence New Zealand now enjoys by joining the Federation would be a grave and irretrievable error.

Southland exchanges contain reports of a pleasing presentation made at Lumsden station one day last week by a number of employees to Mr Thomas Martin, so long and favourably known as railway guard no the Invercartill-Lumsden section and who had been promoted to be too is foreman at Westport. For the p.st IS years Mr Martin has been guard on the line between King-ton, Gore, and Invercaruill, and in tha f capacity he took the first Government train across the Waimea Plains line. Mr T. A. Allridge, sta'ion master at Lumsden, in making the presentation (which consisted o f a gold albert and pendant, and a hands, me travelling lug suitably inscribe.!), si">ke highly of Mr Martin as a most efficient officer, whose career throughout bad been marked by assiduous attention to duty, courtesy to the ger-era! public, and kindly feeling towards his fe'low employes. Although a man who did not make anv display, he was a firm and staunch friend, but regr. t at his departure was tern pered with the consoling knowledge th t their loss meant a substantial promotion to him. Mr Shepherd added a tribute of prase on behalf of the guards, Mi Cockrnft on be half of the locomotive men and Mr King for the permanent way men. Mr Martin ac knowledtred the gilts in feeling terms, and expre ; sed deep regret at leaving so many old friends, and was proud to think fhev had always got on so well together. An enj yable smoke concert wound up the proceedings. The ' Daily Times' Lawrence orrespondwrites :—As the resuit of an inquiry as to how the Ronuahere school buildings were destroyed by tire last month, the jury found a verdict " that they were wilfully set fire to by some person or persons unknown." Fiom evidence adduced the j jry could come to no other conclusion. Those witnesses who first saw the fire stated that it commenced in the private portion of the s<-hoo| buildings, in which there has not be: n a fire lit since Mts< Annett arrived to teach, as, although she had an organ and other property to the value of £SO in the baildini;. she did not live iu the school buildings. The evidence also went to show that in a certain quarter animosity was shown against the teacher because of her religion, and ou her first proceeding to open the school, the buildings, fei.ces, etc., had been defiled by someoue worse than a beast

An addition-xl rule (to come into force on lit October) for Magistrates' Courts under thp Imprisonment for Debts Abolition Act,* 1874, is gazetted. It affects costs and fees, and is as follows :- " In any case in which a magistrate is satisfied, by affidavit or otherwise, that a judgment creditor is unable through waot of means to pay the prescribed fees, he may direct that all or any portion of such fees need not be prepaid, but such fees may nevertheless be includi d as part of the costs of aty order made against the debtor."' Cricket is hooming in the country centres of Southern Otigo, flourishing clubs existing at Tapanui, Waiwera, Kaihiku. Owaka, Balclutha, Kiatangata, Loveils Hut, Lawrence, Waitahuna, and Milton. The majority of these clubs have federated as a Cricket As sociation, which as controlling body is doing good work.—' Wyndham Farmer.'

At Dearham, near Maryport. the winner of the belt awarded for wrestling by youths under 16 by the Northern Counties Wrestling Association, was J. Tunstail, of Oreat Broughton. who is only 12 years of age. stands over 6ft in height, anil weighs about 12st.

There is local option in Victoria, with compensation for In-;* of license. The other day I eal option cl-sed the Shamrock Hotel at Monroopna. The licensee was awarded £B3~> < ■ mpensation, and the owner. £llf>7 17*. An" h-i person was awarded £-130 6* 8d for the H >tel. Mooroopna is about the size of V\ \ndham.

.). C. Shu:' wv convictel at Pttnedin on Tuesday, cf selling shares without -ceinc that the name of the purchaser was vritten in ink "n the transfer, and fined £'2.l, with costs. A uumb-.-r of otheis pleaded guilty V> a similar offtnee aud were each fined £'2o and costs.

At a meeting of the executive of the NX. Counties Association on Tuesday at Wellington, a letter was read fr-m the Waitati Council nreins the desirablen-ss of holding the general elections in e-ich county on the third Wednesday in November, instead of the second Wednesday of that month. The committee revived to supi-ort the prcnnsal. aud. failing the de-ired action 'emu taken, to hold future eh•• tioiis in April. It undecided that each candidate for a ?e.at in Parliament be asked if h- will, in th" • v.-i.: of his election, nrge the l»ovi run cut in o : _ in a Local Uoveroment Bill next session to Ui. e fffect t"i the resnlnlim.s passed at the \ :;i in conferences of the N.Z. Counti's Association. Ixird Brasecy say*, n re. koning up the nights he has spent at sea, that liiey aggre g.te 11 year*.

Justice Williams gave judgment at Dunedin on Tuesday in the case where a decree was sought to set aside a deed of assignment. His Honor, in a very leindity judgment, decides that the children of the late Mr Larnach are not debarred ly c;qiiiesccnee fiom nifiving to set asi'le in. do d which, they signed, and each uf the p..iiuii!is tui tntilled to icoxir.

A >ear cr two hack S"im. chihuiute in|uiiic.s were made 10 as.ei tain the real amount of the iu-itbtt di.es- of then- colonics. The result gave about. £370,000,000. Hut the wealth, exclusive of Cruwu lauds and public works, was estimated at over £ 1.000,000.000. The Melbourne 'Argus' says that tile truth is our indebtedness to Great Britain means that we are paying rent—low rent—for a vast mass of economic machinery with which we are developing tne llimitable resources of these virgin huds. With regard to the protests against the injustice of findiin; the unfortunate Dreyfus again guilty, a settler at Taranaki has, it is said, shown his indignation hy retraining from sowing a crop of French beans which he had intended putting iu. A South Melbourne man has linen fined for persisting in walking ahout in church during service.

Mr John Dag< announces that Lis trotting stalliou " Design " will travel the Wakatipu district duriny the present season. "Design" is a handsome bay horse and conies of prize winners on both sides of bis progenit irs, and, as a resident remarked, is "just what's wanted " for the district. MrsTowler inseits further testimonials as to the great effieae) of her Mansavita cures and remedies for various complaints. Mrs Towler a'so intimates that she guarantees a p> rfect cure in all female complaints. Correspondence strictly confidential. The Executrix of the late Mr P. Butler notifies that claims agaiust the estate must be sent in at once. Mr Frank Hyams, the well-known jeweller, Dunedin, inserts a new business notice in this issue. Notifications appear elsewhere •'f transfer of publicans license from Mr W. D. X >per to Mr Alex M'Caughau.