IF YOU SUDDENLY INHERITED WEALTH.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2169, 13 August 1897, Page 3

IF YOU SUDDENLY INHERITED WEALTH.

WHAT WOULD YOU FIRST BUY WITH IT. Chatting with a genial railway guard at a suburban station, where the train had been detained by fog, that official, in the course of conversation, hell forth at some length on the subject of the great wealth of the directors on his line. And he finished up his little description with the heartfelt, if hardly original, observation: "Ah, I wish someone would leave me a fortune!" To this the writer returned: " Now, supposing I at this moment announced to you the fact that you had inherited great wealth, what would you do?" The guard beamed. Then he looked wistfully along the pea-soupy line, and he answered, "Do? Well, you see this overcoat with the initials on the collar and its brass buttons! I'd take it off where I stand, and I'd lay it down on the platform. Into a cosy first-class 'smoker' I'd pop, and I'd give some other chap a thousand pounds to work the blessed train back to town."

This declaration was, to the writer, sufficiently novelt and interesting to invite the collection of other examples, illustrating not only the notions of various people as to the ideal method of celebrating rhe advent of a windfall, but also some actual instances of initial indulgences on coming into wealth. And the subject was found to by no means belie Its early*promise. A policeman was the first individual interviewed. Said he: "Before I joined the force I worked at a country bootmaker's. Ever since I have with my own hands made all the boots my missus has worn. She's always bothering me to get on with 'era. and whenever I'm sitting down idle I feel sort of guilty like. If a pot o' money came my way, the first thing I'd do would be to take the old lady to the finest bootshop known and get her half a dozen pairs of the very best they could turn out." Said a rollicking omnibus driver, when the question was put to him : "It wouldn't take me no time to make up my mind. I'd go in for a new rig out, sole to crown; I'd stuff half a dozen big cigars in my pocket, and, hiring a blind man as conductor, I'd buy a 'bus. At the very busiest time of day I'd drive it on one of the busiest roads, going right through from end to end without a stop or picking up a single passenger! And wouldn't I just enjoy myself s«eing 'em all a-running after us, waving their umbrellas and sticks, and shouting, 'Hi!' and 'Stop!* "Perhaps you would imagine that if I came into a few thousand pounds I should not stay another day in the shop," suggested a pretty young lady, serving behind the counter at a big linendraper's. "If so, you would be wrong. I should come for just one day longer. All the nice people I would sei-ve aso usual. But. sooner or latter, during the day, in would come on e of those condescending customers who look upon the shop girl as a mere human 'remnant.' I would take her order, oh. with such pleasure, and then I would gently lean over and whisper in her ear. 'Old lady, you can just serve yourself!' It would, I am sure, be worth a good slice of my fortune to see her face when she heard that, and wouldn't it just relieve my feelings!" Inquiry of half a dozen gentlemen who would appear on a census form as 'costermongers,' elicited a pleasing variety of selection. Two promptly and emphatically answered, "Buy a little country public house." One announced that he "would come it a bit 'aughty-like and sample some o' the swells' drinkthat there champagne wine." The fourth thought that a visit to "Ferance, ain't it? where they don't do no work, but allers keeps up the spree," would fittingly inaugurate his perioci of affluence. The next elected to start with the purchase of a fast trotter, "sutthin' really 'andsome."But the sixth individual was quite at his wits' end to imagine how he should indulge himself. and the final portion of his bewildered and forcible reply was ."Guv'nor, I dunno!"

Remarking an intelligent-looking lad serving in a drug store, the query was put to him. He replied: "Twice a week I have to dust those big bottles up there. Every time I do it the guv'nor says to me. 'Knock one of 'em down, and ten shillings comes out of your wages.' I'm always frightened that I am going to ■have an accident. If I came into a fortune I'd pay off old scores and wipe the lot off on to the floor in a jiffy." These being some specimens of what folk imagine they woul do if suddenly made rich, we may fittingly inquire what lucky people actually have done in such fortunate circumstances. In a seaside town there resided a you hk governess, whose limited means permitted her only one small weekly indulgence. Every Saturday she treated herself to two ounces of eocoanut ice. So regularly, for this purpose, did she pay a visit to one particular shop that the proprietor began to weigh out the exact amount of swetstuff directly he eaugh sight of her approaching. One Saturday morning, however, she stopped him while he was putting the usual two-ounce weight on the scales. "Make it a quarter please," said she. The shopkeeper looked up In surprise. The young lady blushed red at her own extravagance. "Yes, I'll have a quarter to-day," she repeated. "You see. I have just learned that twelve thousand pounds have been left me." Winners of big prizes in Continental lotteries have sometimes adopted peculiar methods of starting to dip into their wealth. One lucky individual was a shopman. He cherished in his bosom deep hatred of an erstwhile colleague, who, marrying the girl they both adored, had "set up for himself." and was now a thriving small shopkeeper. Securing a prize, the shopman at once hired a magnificent equipage, and, attended by two gorgeous servants. drove up and down all day long before the door of his rival.

A humble pork butcher in the suburbs of Paris heard one morning that his ticket had brought him a big fortune. Instantly he doffed his workaday attire. put on his best, and, writing out a big notice to the effect that anyone desirous of so doing could for nothing help themselves (o the stock, he posted this on his window, and looked calmly on while the neighbors battled for his wares.

Another lucky, but ill-advised, individual made lirst use of his wealth by scattering franc pieces to be scrambled for by the admiring crowd around him. Those who secured the coins were satisfied, but to some of those who failed the idea occurred that the silvery stream might be accelerated by direct application to its source. The money-distribu-tor was accordingly mobbed, and in the struglg" bis very clothes were torn from off his back. His next indulgence was in the attendance of a doctor to minister to his wounds. A fortunate lady's maid receiving a letter from a. firm of solicitors, attended at the lawyers' offices, and found that from a distant relative she had inherited a- fortune. The first idea that entered her head was to soore off her mistress in the matter of jewellery, of which that lady was very proud. So she borrowed a goodly sum on account, and that evening, when arranging her employer's

hair, ehe nearly caused that etiviotis lady to faint by a sudden display of many sparkling gems and brilliants. And, speaking of jewellery, mention may be made of the first move of a certain beautiful actress on recently coming into five thousand pounds. She purchased straight away a thousand pounds' worth of lovely trinklets, but at the same time she securely invested the other fourfifths of her capital. A working woman who received a legacy of a thousand pounds, repaired to the bank, and requested, "Please will you show it to me all of a heap." She wished to make sure they had it— "Cassell's Saturday Journal."