CHARADE.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1624, 23 December 1887, Page 8 (Supplement)

CHARADE.

V Pantomime. ACT 1.-PAN. Dramatis Person.*:.—Cook and Soullery Maid and Mistress. Scene. Cook with apron on, standing before table with pasteboard, jar labelled mincemeat, flour dredger, &c. Cook—" Well, them as likes Christmas ain't no cooks, that's sartin. Eating and drinking, cookin' and workin'—that's what Christmas means for cooks. You Sall-ee!" Sally (a frowscy loaking girl.) —' Yes mum." Cook.—" Yes mum ! What are you arter ? Have you got that pan ready ?" Sally.—" Pan 'm ?" Cook.—"Yes pan, pan, pan I Can't you understand that ?" Sally brings a frying-pan. Cook (in rage).—" Oa you'd be makine game of me, you hussey, eh? Take that," (makes a blow with the rolling pin and. missing, breaks a dish.) Enter mistress. Lady.—" Dear me, cook, what can be tba matter?" Cook.—"The matter, mum! Matter enough. Here I has the mince and the paste all ready, beautiful, and I asks that girl to butter the pan, and bring it to me, and what dy'e think mum. she fetches me a frying-pan 1" Lady.—" Well, there is no need to fly into a passion about it. This is Cnristmas time and—"

Cook.—"Ah, yes, that's all very well, mum, for them as can enjoy their Christmas. But for us poor critters as has to stand over a boiling fire cooking—" Sally.—Please j'm is this the pan you want?" (offersa patty pan.) COOK.—"Ah !of course. That's the pan Ido want, and in that pan, my girl, I'm agoin' to put that crust and that mine which I'm going to cook, in that pan. And now, please take that pan into the kitchen and place it in the oven. If you please, missus, I want to consult you about that forcemeat." All withdraw, curtain drops, and scene is changed. ACT lI.—TO. Room in Alderman Gobble's house. Easy chair, with pillows, &c. Small table with physic bottle, glasses, and decanter of port wine. Dramatis Personal Alderman Gobble, His Wife and Daughter, Doctor and Maidservant. Alderman, stout and bloated, dressed in dressing-gown, one foot swathed in flannel, nose rouged ; ladies in ordinary costume. Scene.—Parlor. Enter Alderman, leaning on wife's shoulder and a stick. Wife and daughter assist in settling him on chair. He seizes decanter and pours out wine. Wife.—"Now, my dear Gobble, you really musn't;" (tries to take glass from him.) " The doctor—" Gobble (roars).—" Bother the doctor, confound the doctor-ah ' My toe -oh my toe." (Groans.) "Get away from w. D'ye think I don't know my own feeling, best ?—oh-h." (Drinks win».> '■■ II".! oh, my poor toe.''—staoci£ without.) Daughter.—" rhat's Dr. Squills." (.iOKßt.fi. —" i won't see him. Send him away. Tell bim to go to—to." (Shrieks.) '■ Fer-usalem, my toe !'' (Groans.) Enter Dr. Squills: Spectacles on nose, rubbing his hands, bows to ladies. Dr. Squills.—" And how are we to-day f Progressing—eh—progressing no doubt, You nave our patient, (to wife) the tincture, Mrs. Gobble, and the pills, and the solution of- ?" . Gobble.—" She didn't 1 She tried to; I chucked 'em out of the window. Throw physic to the dogs—ugh!" Dr. Squills (takes up wine decanter). — " Humph I ha ! ho ! Very well, my dear sir— very well. If that is the way you treat my prescriptions —please take the poison away, Mrs. Gobble—you can't expect me to cure you. Every sip, sir, you take of that pernicious fluid creates so much uric acid and-" Gobble.—"Ah, my toe!" Dr. Squills (spreading his hands)—" Precisely." Mrs. Gobble (emphatically).—' 1 He will tiot take advice, d ctor." Miss GOBBLE (turning up her eyes). — " He is so very impatient, doctor." MRS. Gobble (dismally).—•• We are worn to death—" Gobble (shrieks) —" Oh, my toe I" Dr. Squills.—• It you want your toe to get well, Alderman Gobble, you must do as I tell you." Gobble (pitifully).—"Well, well, I will. Help me to bed, Mrs. Gobble. I can't sit up. Doctor, lend me your arm." (Exit, leaning on wife and doctor, and crying, " Oh, oh, my toe.") ACT lII.—MIME. Scene.—Street. Dramatis Persons. Comic Man of the Company (as street conjuror) and street crowd—men, women and children. A pianist should play popular street airs. Comic man in grotesque costume, a red scarf round his head for a turban, a lady's opera cloak over one shoulder, and two shawls of different bright colors, one tied before and one behind. A small papier-mache waiter wiil do for a tambourine on which the actor must beat with his knuckles He should have a plate or, better still, wooden bowl and a stick. The stick he should try to keep in motion like a street conjuror. He must pretend to swallow yards of colored paper, which he may unwind comically. He must dance and sing and talk incessantly. Conjuror.—"Now, good people, here I am, the wonderfullest conjuror in the two hemispheres. Just arrived from the capital of Persia, which I had to leave because I wouldn't marry the Shah's second cousin's aunt's nephew's great grandmother." (Ha 1 ha I from the crowd. Ain't he a funny man !) " Fact, I assure you. Now please to watch me carefully while I make my usual dinner." (Swallows colored paper and smacks his lips.) " Capital, good—good as roast goose and better'n plum puddin'. Hi, ho, ho!" (Places bowl on stick, twirls it, and walks around. Stops and sings) : " I'm the great Kamishamon I really am—no gammon, I am, I ajjt I am. lean swallow liquidjfire, Or a mile of fencing'wire, Sleep on a steeple spire, Outbawl the best town crier, Than crow I'm swifter flyer, Than eagle can rise higher; I'm a bird they call the lyre, And I hope you me admire, And your patience I don't tire.

" Roll up, roll up—now is the time to patronise genius, and reward merit. Anything from a ten pound note to a thousand taken without making a face over it," (man gives him a threepenny bit. He tries it with his teeth, then pretends to swallow it.) Ha ! ho Iha ! That's what does me good. .My mother used to give me threepenny bits in my Spartan bioth wl e 1 I was an innocent little boy. Ho Iha I ho! I'm hungry for threepenny bits. Any more, any more, any morel (walk! round each time—sings.)

" There was an old woman in Maori land, She lived on potatoes so long, understand, That slittijrew a big tuber at the tip of her nose, And the praties all sprouted from each of her toes. This funny old woman, this queer old woman, Who lived on potatoes in Maori land. (All this time he dances around, holding tambourine forth, into which the crowd drop money. Suddenly stops. Accompanied by piano, choosingan appropriate air lie sings:—) '■ A secret between us—now pray don't you tell, At financing, my friends, I beat Julius Vogel. I'm awake, I'm awake—know what I'm about, I may be small beer, but I'm not Robert Stout. Gay, witty and lively, and up to ray lark-^. Vet as wise an owl, or Sir Enery Parkcs ; No Gillies can beat me at compromise—no. Nor Deakin approach me with eloquen: blow, When on the rampage to my wit I give vent. Outchatter Dave Gaunson, or out Herod Beat. Like Graham Berry at speaking, I'm good at a rally, lean uuk by the yard like William Bede Dal ley. Sam Griffiths, of Queensland, though my intimate friend, I'm afraid 1 must cut if his ways he don't nunl. And take to Mellwraith once more, though I doubt He'd ever pet in. if Griffiths got out. Tiioi."/h I drink all I can. I'd have you to know, I'm a u-tter teetotaller than Mr. Monro ; What's all this about, perhaps you may say, Well, I'il come back and teil you some other tine day." Exit, followed by crowd, and singing, " I'm the 2reat Kamishanmon, I am without any gammon, i am, I am, I am." ACT. IV.— PANTOMIME. Theatre Royal- Boxing Night. (All the musical resources of the company are brought oat. Drums, penny whistles, mouth organs, &e. DRAMATIS PERSONS. CLOWN, PANTALOON, COLUMBINE, HARLEQUIN (appropriately attired), THE POLICEMAN, STREET BOYS, BAKER, &c., &c., (usual in Pantomimes.) Properties.—A poker, the end wrapped in red or orange colored paper, some imitation sausages, imitation cneese. quartern loaves, and a number of inflated India rub ber balls, attached to strings on stieks with which to beat back the crowd. Clown comes on and goes through antics; followed by Harlequin, who strikes him with a wand and dances around. Pantaloon.—Come on. Clown.—Hulloa t Daddy. How was you the day after to-morrow. \\ hat 8 the name of your papa, <fce., &e. (Baker passes with tray of rolls.) Clown steals some—burns his fingers, and he slips them down Pantaloon s back. I'at taloon capers around. Clown.—(grins ) All hot,all hot. Good day. Mr. Baker. What are you loatin' about 1 for. O 1 - J ,on'i g"t crusty—it's ill-bred Mr. I Baker. Baker knockshim down. Pantaloon overjoyed. , Clown. —Mar—dor —r. Police 1 (Enter policeman.) Take 'cm in charge, Mr. Policeman. Policeman.— What lor-r? Clown.—Assault ami robbery—runs bohind the policeman and bonnets him, Pantaloon does the same, and knocks his helmet over his eyes. Enter, street boys witii bladders on'sticks, hitting tight and leit. A general rally in which all join, Harlequin and Columbine joining with graceful motion (Curtain )