Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1587, 29 April 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

Somebody asks:"What is warmer than woman's love?" Two women's love. Get two women after you and the heat will be found somewhat oppressive. In la telegraph office : "That makes nine words, madame." "Then I can send another?" " Certainly." « Well .kindly write ' important' on the envelope." On a first glimpse of the sea: •' Astonish, ing ! Who would have thought there could be as much water as that ?" " True j and remember you only see what's on top." The Waiter's, Ready Explanation—" How can you give me such a dirty napkin as that?" " Beg pardon, sir; got folded the wrong way, sir. There, sir, how's that now ?" " Who brayed there ?" asked a member of the Canadian Houae ;of Commons of the persons who were trying, by interruption, to silence him. "It was an echo," retorted a voice. Once when Wesley was preaching on the Exchange steps at Newcastle the mob began to throw mud and rotten eggs. A burly fishwife, the terror of the neighbourhood, ran up the steps, and, throwing one of her arms round Wesley's neck, Bhook her fist in the face of the rioters, and shouted—" If only yen o' ye lift up another hand to touch ma canny man, ayl floor ye direckly. Two persons were once disputing so loudly on the subject of religion that they awoke a big dog, which had been sleeping on the hearth before them, and he forthwith barked furiously. An old divine present, who had been quietly sipping his tea while the disputants were talkibg and wrangling so bolster* ou«ly, gave the dog a kick and exclaimed, " Hold your tongue, you silly brute. You know no more about than they do." A. young lady about to be married, being on friendly terms with the clergyman who was to perform the wedding ceremony, made him promise that on her first Sunday at church after her marriage he would preach an appropiate sermon. The promise was gives, and on the Sunday appointed he preached from the text from the Psalms: —" And there shall be abundance of peace ,as long as the moon endureth.

In an omnibus going to the bank a passen g<tr stooped down and picked up something. " Who's lost a sovereign ?" he said. At once half a dozen persons in the omnibus were searching their pockets, and one ill-favoured man responded that the sovereign was miss* ing from bis pocket, and held out his hand. " Was it dated 1860?" asked the jcity man. " Yes, I am pretty sure it was." " And much rubbed on one side ?" *' Yes, that's certainly mine." He handed it over, and when the button which had been put into his hand his face lengthened so suddenly it almost drove his head through his hat. A missionary from Africa tells the following story :—" One day an old chief came to me, with two wives, one old, the other young, and wanted to join my church. I told him we didn't allow a man to have but one wife. He went away, and the jnext week came back with the young wife, both of them smiling, and said, * Now me join the church; me all right now.' ' Where is your old wife ?' I asked. ' She all rigm, too; me eat her up," placidly answered the old savage. I postponed the decision upon his application for admission to a more convenient season."